It's been just over a year.. · 8:42pm Aug 14th, 2015
Just over a year ago, 8/12/14, I was arrested. When I woke up and went to work that morning, I had no idea what was going to happen. I was just wondering which of my bills I could pay, and which ones I could push till the next paycheck. I was training to become a manager at McDonalds, trying to clean a house that I knew we would have to leave, and get all of my stuff in storage organized. Then my ex blows up my phone. 17 calls that I ignore.
Why would I want to talk to someone that had messed up a few things for me, I already had enough to deal with. When she showed up at my house and pestered me for the next two hours, and we had our fiasco, I knew I was in trouble. I just didn't know exactly how bad I was screwed. An hour later, I was in handcuffs and headed to county jail. I spent the next 87 days trying to keep myself going, tempting as it was to just bash my brains into the wall. I finally got released, but I knew that I would get screwed on charges, all because my ex wanted to stick me with them and get restitution money for her 'traumatic experience', and because the officer that arrested me twisted everything I said in his report. I was screwed 7 ways from Sunday.
Now, a year later, I have a much more stressful, slightly higher paying job, got a year and a half of probation, a slew of jobs that ask about criminal history on applications, and don't look twice if you answer yes. Got bills that I need to pay. House payment, utilities, phone, insurance, lawyer fees, Dr bills, probation fees, court costs... And every month I have to leave at LEAST one of those out so I can eat. All because a prissy cunt wants everything she could take from me.
If I could go back and change that day, I would do what my first instinct was when she forced herself in the house. And it would have been legal. It's bad of me to think it, but all things considered, after what she put me through before this, it would have deserved it. After all of this, it really would have made sense for it. But what's done is done, I got screwed absolutely, and she goes on without a care in the world, all I have is the hope that she one day gets what she deserves.
It has led me down some very dark paths, and left me down, some days not even wanting to get up. I had always had bought a of depression, but it has gotten constant, anymore. It's hard to express it, it is hard to deal with it, and it is impossible to get yourself motivated enough to do anything, or to smile/laugh. Yea, a joke comes along and causes a chuckle, but there is no more days where you can just get up and go about anything with a smile on your face. I can't even sit down and enjoy a video game to take my mind off it. I can maybe get an hour in, if I'm lucky. I can occasionally find something to read that takes my mind off of it, which is where this site really helps, but after those few minutes of reading, where my mind is in a good place, its right back to the grind.
I know I don't have it as bad as some may have, but I can understand 100% with all of it. I have been dealing with crap my entire life that people should never have to be forced to deal with. My entire life. There are kids that have had it as bad and sometimes worse that early on, and it's sickening to think about. Never knowing what a permanent house is, or having a stable relationship with parents, or having friends. And then me, or one of the many that have had it rough, we get approached by the people that have absolutely no idea, and they say something along the lines of "it can't be that bad" or "just do something about it" and it is infuriating.
This has been my self rant post, and I hope everyone can have a nice day, or at least a better day than I did a year ago.
*hugs you tightly* Are things any better right now?
3320443 In terms of my fiasco a few weeks ago, yes. I'm doing better, but if I don't get a different job by the end of the year, I just know something like that will happen again, and it may end differently.
Still fighting to get days off, and when I do get one, I'm usually either too tired to do anything, or have too much needing done that I have no free time.. Like I've said, I don't mind working all the time, it just has to be worth it. IE, pay all my bills and have extra...
3320632 I hate jobs... but I need one.