Priorities, priorities. Rants!

In a way, I'm very uninventive. What kind of food do you eat when you don't feel like paying attention to it? Why something not bad, and my other priorities tend to make me, forget to apprieciate what I easily could. So much. And social stuff? Never much experienced the good of that.

Makes me think of Spike, often he says hello only to be be seldom dismissed or ignored. He's often around as assistant, after all. It<s something one can easily adapt to. But when things are advanced, it can be be infuriating. I really don't like people telling me what I should do, or even suggesting. Sore point.

Too used to being stuck in not wanted tasks without any compensation or reward. Recognition? I often appreciate full neutrality. Mundane kindness whenever I ask something that could be refused, which is rare, still wonders me. Like last time I had asked for the keys to the toilets in some place where I had bought to eat. They said they'd just unlock it. They didn't even fuss about me bothering them. Wondrous.

I'm really not used to the most trivial form of recogniton. Heh, this week I evem got an email from father, saying that his wife had reminded him that he hadn't contacted me for 2 months. Subject header was still about informing me that there was mail for me at my old address. Huh. As long as no-one tells him what to do as a parent. She might not make him nervous though, she seemed calm, and reflective. Slow and dull to be around. The sort that may be able to pass days without speaking at all or doing any time-paced entertainment. Like father, I suppose, much better than socially dependant types that need reassurance. Blah blah blah. I'm way too used to having no real time of mine to waste. I don't intend to get nervous, but when I get that next place more alone, I'm getting atleast a half schedule. And also cleaning better than my here roomate oft permits, if the next place is suitable. Moving there surely won<t be worthy of mentioning to anyone, tough. Just as it being too hot for my good sleep here isn't. Not buying air conditioner for here, fans shall do. I guess.

Welp. Just don't past tense rant being the only thing, for one. Two, eh, such annoyance. Anyhow, much to do that gets on hold, too much to carry, so I note some, scribble some stuff, forget the unneeded. Much of which I won't note anywhere. Like most of my dreams, I know them, then let them slip beyond my memory. Forever dead. But I live and sing, and only as long as I do can I know there was something forgotten. Nothing bad in the loss.

I've scrapped way more short stories not written than I've written. Talking things I considered writing, not just usual dreams. Such is good, the multiple variants of shorts of things where the whole, if I would ever write it, moved on, is just a great mass of ideas lesser than what I kept at the time. Sometime I showed a few things to others. The effect I was considered not bad to okay, with sometimes notable feedback. Sometimes I got tired of how overly enthusiastic people can be. How can you get ideas to improve when they like without dislike, however eager or dull the response. That's why I like the tough love of engineering, however potentially easy and dull. Atleast sometimes you know you are done. Boring like mathematics though; I just don't care to train in unapplied things that much. Not sure if I<d like the nitpicking in itself ever. Just the potential of personal finds. Maybe artistry is always my only thing, technical or not.

In any case, even if I did care of what others knew, thought, or remembered of me. No need that it be something I contributed to in every working moment of my life. What a dumb epic that'd be. If life gives you cake, cut it however you want. Applies to lemons. Applies to philosophy too, so no cheating about. Ah that quote "Pour aller où?". In that french version of that Star Trek movie. Data is just so funny at times, moving too. The good catching of some moments can run deep. Can be worth alot in writing. For writing is hardly disadvantaged in that aspect, when successful, atleast. Gotta catch the quills and quails of writing drama. The slow, life describing kind.

Stephen Kings' got it. Great writer on that aspect, although he uses wordy wordly descriptions like rich men use furniture. So much furniture that doesn't to the daily action. To the fluff. Because of that, writing special or supernatural fits him well. Cause the different flair and perspective they give keeps hot the spice in his otherwise good but slow, and mundune, descriptives. Because the world is different, those details aren't always that much a bore. Still, sometimes the supernatural is too clear cut abnormal that it's separate, yet not fairy-tale cool enough. Pennywise just wasn't the god-smoking Randall. Nay, he was more a child eating scarecrow. Lunatic like epilepsy, not so fun for me, not so involved, manic and desperately craving, lurking in the shadows that protect and serve, forever waiting, hunting those never again seen. No, it was too much. Needed more attaching and relatable story protags or redshirts. So, memorable in less awesome ways. Sorta lame, relatively.

Eh. But I love casual and hardcore game. Murder and jaywalking ones. Especially with ambiance or story. Like FTL. Randall is cool. Nick was cool in that apocalypse novel, too. "The Stand". Great one. But back with FTL, I love the casual dire straits there is. Just one bit of leeway and unlock can sometime ruin the otherwise almost automatic win. Also, one of the events has a bug in a ragged up uniform perform a teleport raid, with the suicidal resolve of deceit. Heh. I love those sorts.

Such leaves in the wind. For leaves serve the plant from which they spawn until they fall or decay, nourishing the plant in the prosperous times so that it may survive the winter. Forever loyal, and always dying when comes fall. Such characters thrive and exist in our world, and to write of the well is beauty. I don't like the idea of missing a shot. And gods do I have gaming reflexes that I casually don't show as I lose in casual jaywalking in games like FTL, Halo or X-Com. I like phoenotopia too, forgot to mention it before. Not as if I score myself for not dismissing to remember or communicate. That's a thing. I care more about improving my craft then showing it. And don't plan on getting paid for performance, as it is. Social aid is, in a way, ailing in it's asocial implementation here. Canada's still nice overall, although I prefer west coast to east. Eh.

So, not being most comfortable in many a social case, it's hard for me to keep my stride when, showing what I like to do. I even disdain cooking in front of others over half as much as I would to shower naked in the rain outdoors. So yeah, knowing ones' limitations serves to know when to turn around and take the tour, or just plain try and better jump the railings, sometimes. I'm very technical minded when I have a goal. I think of how to salvage when overwhelmed. Keep physical focus and aptitude if mental focus and strain spent is worthwhile, etc...

Heh. Just today I thought of a character that's like me on that matter. Another one or two might a abit, but that one?
Maybe moreso focused than me. He<s a defeated villain of sorts. Because of story, he isn't killed. He's even spared for convenience, very special reason. From a quasi-god defeated because of how far gond he became in his centuries of being beyond. Eh, anyhow, I don<t want to do mega spoilers. If I ever even show it someday. But it fits well, I think. I need to find a good focus for all the rest of the stories though.

Could write series of different genres, not sure how to pull that off. But anyways, it's a grey on gray world. Where sometime ponies die killed by other ponies fighting for essentially the same right reasons. And sometimes someponies make a better living by not being quite merciful or kind. Even if it's mostly under the rug for the empires. Post apocalyptic, but beyond the forgetting of how it ocurred. That's why the story can trails off into an adventure epic after the final conclusions. No, saving the world, but rather, "Tomorrow", "Another orchard.", "Tomorrow", "Chasing another dream.". Welp. I'm fairly sure if I write that part of that story, I'm keeping that as that characters final epilogue of the chapter. That's why he so smoothly goes with the whole paired with the ex-villain thing. He's actually eager to see what the old ones' young body can do. What insight he'd have upon the relics they seek to understand the fall. Because the relics and mythical dragons could hold the key for the empire to learn how to summon an early summer.

Eh. Too much stuff that fits well, Many years of writing and thinking atleast, if not more, to be easily possible if I expectedly live well. For me live characters are all characters. They survive; they do stuff. What, who knows? It changes from predicted paths, alot. I didn't know why he was in his not-actually-lofty situation. But yeah. Interesting character potential he's got in spades. And that's why the other won't just try to trash him away; he's too good. Also, despite his questionable mental states, he knows, they know. And more the reason that he be supervised away from those who past their lives living upon and around what he built, etc... The families are still divided in influence and power, keeping secrets, less theology means new projects to pursue, such as using Sanctuary to revive the select important souls of leaders and good ponies, using the power of the other souls still kept within. And the guy who accidently made it, then salvaged it into a life-saving cult, yeah. One of the first revived, so that his chance "defeated" mind not remain an unwanted risk wandering within reach of their elite militaries' minds. Perhaps the earth pony divisions of the unicorn dominated empire will be trusted beyond petty officers, too. Much story. Need to clear how to write, what characters be developped even more. Boy.

Gonna have to start finalizing the places where I know good ponies will die. It just sorta hurts to create, flesh out and personify those you know will die. Because you don't know which will die, but I end up fleshing them out, attaching myself, then watching then be written into hurt that doesn't get better, because such rolls the die. And I don't wanna stop for those when the others aren't finished their story. So shall I work out to write it. Eh, past technical brushing of my skill and time, I'm not sure if other people fit into the rolling cycles somehow. The seasons will tell. Winter comes, summer comes. I wouldn't be surprised at passing years on this. But will not count.

Other words though. I really gotta diversify my potential appproaches at getting feedback. Maybe visit some cons and stuff some years, too. And more real in person stuff. The uneases are different in nature there.

Anyhow, plenty of daily stuff, not sure how much I remember my stories better than how to cook. But how to cook is not something I'm forgetting. It's useful enough, unlike my common dreams. Toodles. Still watching more than I'll learn. Still learned stuff I'll remember. Forever more.

Someimtes I skip a word, grammar standards not obliged. Even if pieces missing, Sanctuary is eternal. Even if pieces are missing. I could write cliched things in so often, but, I do not fawn nor am lured by most such things. I just, love writing in at great opportunities. That villains personality change will develop because it develops in sito. If he<ll become moderately kindness beyond previous need, or delve into new horizons of manipulation, of making others seek his need as theirs, perhaps draggin along that other not-so-a-villain. Who was actually always nice when not desperate or ignoring. Well. I'll know when I continue there. But I think I<ve reached the end of the current tome, story-style or era. Will probably not skip that much till bored with this one.

I think I'll start the redshirt promotionables by an adventuring party. starting out much like one of the main protagonists, except their own to maybe make backstories, and they'd be starting out at the end of that era / tome. Not the begining or before. Some atleast will die, I fully expect. Ai. Also more fleshing out of main character personalities. To everypony their gimmicks, yes. But also their own laid back / stressed personalities, etc... I don't want to know what is said or advanced, but also how it is.

I also need to consider putting it the stick-in-the-mud types that may be. Not the leaf in the wind devotees, but the true, not charismaticly strong, authority-is-my-life-buoy types. The central families are bound to have some as pageants while the more clever members do more vital things then squabble and call when important matters appear. So far the only guy of that kind I've really got is the superior officer of the first protag. In a possible prologue. Long short; guy wants to catch up to his family, so using his family repute, does risky things to prove his worth. Problem is, he's too cowardly to do a straight up winning strategy, skittish to exposing himself. So the chase after intruders escaping west territory isn't fast enough, and to save face he decides to catch them up straight slightly after hitting the boarders (well borders too). Just dumb and stupid unsafe, and totally his fault for making his group pursue with too slow caution to a ridiculuous degree. But everyone needs their first real combat experience, right? Doesn't end well, and the protag, fed up, decides to get a new life, but just how and how much of a drama or throughrough thing, I don't know. I want it to be worthy as a stand alone, tough. And it should be nice, a tragic / slice of life about some captain (or low rank), making himself an opportunity to screw up. And going full force by digging his grave and those of his men in a horribly dumb act. To save his honor by dismissing the reason there is honor; proper respect of the lives of those who serve you, and due caution in using those lives. Ah, a tragic rich idiot tale. Hmm... Maybe I should write multiple "bad" drafts. If ony I had a pad... hate sitting to write.

In my story, the west are amongst the less theological and best professionally organized empires, and the closest to human like-tech. They even use mechs of a special earth pony-kind. But, it only feels slightly out of character that they'd let that petty officer do something so dumb. It wouldn't be authorized, but the world is so in shambles that, yeah. Dumb is dumb. Can't just promote while fully ignoring segregation, bummer. It's exactly why the protag is one of the pilots, and not the ordering officer. Heh.

The west doesn't have any real trade with the outside though, much place for random speculations, but tidy as they are, the west people are better informed than many of Central about the "wastes". Not sure I want to use that word, it may not fit my narrative style. But, sorta close.
The faint glimmer of decay, the grey horizon. The mold of the faint. Working on succinct wording is last touch finals, not going there. Yet.

Now for the adventurers, I think I'll not start with a personality, but with a name. And maybe end up with characters that fit elsewhere, amongst the scrap. Ah. Whatever. I hope the first group doesn't end up all dead. Sometimes I get scraps like that. Not worth keeping in the tale moments. Blast. Fimfiction might be too come and go traffic with comments for a start considering my being in style. Will across the border when I reach it. Anyways. That's rant two. I guess it's better. Good enough to not bother about? I dislike erasing free posters.

Will have to read awakening sometime. And others. Also, maybe recheck local library one day. Even if they small and unspecialized. Also, french. Too many half drama sappy things. If you want drama, I say do it right, eh? Many selling books are very niche. Perhaps moreso than video games. So, pleasing everyone is not a sane goal. And even my most insane villains usually know that. Umm. Maybe I should flesh out the more potent insane after I'm done starting the story prologue. Need ideas for the between "prologue" and "castle ruins" but it's so slice of life that part. Eh, hmm. Maybe go to school and pass it off as a standalone story project. After castle ruins it's easier, because just one of two-to-four characters could roll the ball and everyone else will be caught in the whirlwind. Even in half-done story arcs, they'd get caught. War does that, provided the kindle is right.

Anyways. That's that. Did I mention "Ark 22"? Love that game. Teletrooper is probably not for everyone, damn hard. But Ark 22 shouldn't be too hard for most in gameplay. (some people are so, not good). Ark 22 is a nice zelda like with sci-fantasy things. Ice, like their cozy homeworld. And coffee. Yes, health is restored by breaking random blocks of snow/ice, and chugging up the hot cups of coffee you find. True 2D zelda-like in quite some things. Like the art too, personally. Heh. Toodles again. Aye.

Note; read more adventure-like stuff; those things that I oft won't finish cause I go read elsewhere or start writing, heh.