Life is such a hassle. (smallish? rant) · 2:21am Aug 29th, 2017
Not suicidal, on the contrary, I've learned.
Life's a hassle. I'm no hero. I'm no zero. I might erase previous blog posts. Waste of site space.
Learning through the oddest methods...
There was a point were I thought, I did enough. And I slept without caring what happened to my identity.
I only minded to not become like my father, otherwise, my mind degrading wasn't a problem, as long as it wasn't the wrong way.
Since then, for very long, who I am that speaks is a short lived thing. When I deep sleep, I lose a bit of what I became. And if I so choose, I can forget more. Easy like lucid dreaming, but not my goal. Yet most days I lose so little...
My mother wanted me to live for more than what she thought father would give. She respected me, father didn't. I did enough, but I woke up next morning anyways, disoriented, not remembering who I was for a moment. With a feeling of disappointment. I guessed the world itself didn't hate me.
Life's such a hassle.
I'll never know what my mother wished for me, but I might really find it. And I found out, that I can care for other things than a shadow cast by father or mother. Maybe that's what she wished. Maybe, I don't know.
But next morning, I'll have a different view, once again. And my insomnia, may be purely physical if it happens now. Fine by me.
Maybe I'll have fun.
Ad. I'll treat my past as a bunch of sedimentary rocks. Posterity. I prefer skill practicing to mirror looking. People can shuffle though my garbage, but on me are my keys. Along with all my, precious-to-me stuff.
