I can't function etc. · 3:08pm Jul 20th, 2015
Back from the field. I did have a good time in many respects, but I am also keenly aware that I just cannot function the way other people can in prolonged social situations. It starts off okay, but then I just want to escape after a while. I honestly have no idea if it has to do with my bipolar or is just some other mental processing thing, but after about a day I just want everyone to get out of my face, no matter how nice they are.
Obviously, I couldn't say this to said people, because that would have been rude, and it's not their fault I can't cope. So I had to hold it in, but I can only do so much, and there were multiple times where I kind of zoned out and went into my own little world in a corner somewhere, or in my tent, or under a tree. I just wanted to be away from people.
And I got tired very, very easily.
I'm still utterly exhausted at work and feel very sensitive to sound today. I feel like an ungrateful wretch because people were so nice but I just didn't have the energy to deal with people...
This has to be more than just a "I'm very introverted" thing, because I friggin' go into melt down if I can't have at least one day a week (sometimes I need more) to myself and everyone else just seems to be able to handle not being alone fairly easily.
I have a hypothesis but need more data: does the need to have time alone come about more rapidly when the people you're socialising with are acquaintances rather than friends who know you well? It sounds like being in public situations costs you energy, from which you need solitude to recharge. My sister is the opposite: she gets increasingly irritable when she's on her own or in silence with close friends/family until she meets up with people and socialises. In her case I think there are things she doesn't want to think about and it's in her downtime that she works hardest to ignore them.
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It can happen with friends too. I started to feel that way towards the end of my birthday the week before (once again I feel like I'm being ungrateful because everyone took the time to come and see me) and I worried that not everyone was having a good time.
I also had it when visiting my parents, who I had not seen for ages. I just wanted to escape that house.
It doesn't matter who it is, eventually I just want my duvet fort.
The only times I seem to be good at socializing for prolonged periods are when I drink a lot, or I'm hypomanic. Obviously neither of these things are ideal.
While I know I can never know what it's like to be in your shoes (though I do my best to imagine it), I have been this way too. Though for me, it tends to be when I'm absolutely fed up with people. Sometimes I don't even have a reason for why I'm fed up with everyone, I just am.
I absolute MUST have me-time, even if it's just a little bit. It is a requirement. I love free time me time, you know? A lot of the time, it's when I'm happiest. I love my friends and family, but sometimes I don't text my friends or get together with them, or go out with a family member, just because I want to hang out at home with only myself for company. When there's really no reason.
I get that part.
And you know what? I'll bet that everyone didn't think you were too different. We all like to be on our own sometimes. I'm sure once everyone went home, they flopped on their couch and had some good ol' me time. People can look sociable, when really they're thinking "Oh gawd I just wanna take these gross shoes off, get on my computer and watch tv, and shove a whole carton of ice cream down my gullet, all by myself."
I know I do that. People are often surprised when I tell them that I'm actually quite introverted at times.
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I certainly believe everyone needs alone time, but I seem to have such a short fuse compared to other people.
I wasn't rude to people, but I had to shut down and go into my head for a bit because the alternative was snapping horribly at people who had done nothing wrong to me.
I also become ultra sensitive to sound when I'm like this. The sound of people's voices grates on me. Today at work the sound of a door slamming felt like a bomb going off in my head.
Maybe people with mental health issues generally have a harder time processing things when overwhelmed or tired.
3255236 Your latter point seems likely, especially given that us "normals" can struggle with similar things under similar circumstances. I tend to get overwhelmed and snappy when people are asking me questions in rapid succession, or when they're just bombarding me with statements. It's like I have a finite buffer into which I can store what they're saying, but if they're coming at me fast enough, that thing fills up and I get cranky.
I dunno. I won't presume that it's the same thing. But I don't think a need for solitude makes a person bad.