Everything Wrong with The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone · 10:21pm Jun 21st, 2015
Hey guys, now that I've finally settled into my new place, I can finally get to reviewing episodes, though at this point I'm two episodes late. We're already at episode 101, and I still haven't seen episode 100! Curse my efficient yet still time-consuming method of watching episodes while simultaneously reviewing them!
This episode is called "The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone." I would say it's today's episode, but it aired almost a month ago. Hell, I doubt most of you will read this, which makes me wonder again why I'm writing it...
The episode begins with Pinkie Pie getting ready to bake a delicious recipe from Granny Pie, and considering that it's coming from a member of the Pie family who isn't Pinkie, I'm surprised it doesn't have rocks in it.
However, before she can actually start baking, her Spidey sense starts tingling.
So she leaves the baking in the capable hands of Gummy, but as it turns out, giving a complicated task to an untrained baby alligator who looks like he's constantly stoned may not be the best idea.
And then he burned down the house. The cupcakes didn't survive the fire.
I am genuinely glad that they finally brought up their new Cutie Map for the first time since the season premiere. While I wish it hadn't taken 8 episodes, or 7, depending on whether you count the two-parters as one episode or two, I'm interested in what's going to happen, especially since the map points them to the much theorized Griffon Kingdom. Hell, I'm surprised that they managed to give the show an adventure subplot in a plausible way without making them break character for it. But what problem is the kingdom facing, you may ask?
It's really tiny, that's what problem.
Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash doesn't want to go, because all she can think of is Gilda and, according to her, all griffons are "rude, insensitive bullies." So one griffon acts like a bitch and suddenly all griffons are like that? That's racist!
Pinkie describes Gilda as a party pooper, but really Dash is more of the party pooper for still having not forgiven Gilda after the events that happened over four years ago. Talk about holding a grudge! Though to be fair, I still think most of the fandom hasn't yet forgiven Gilda for... certain events.
But we do get to hear more about the griffons' backstory, as apparently the once greedy race was unified into greatness by the Sword of Kahless Ark of the Covenant Amulet of Marea Idol of Boreas. However, it seems that poor Twilight is more than jealous that she doesn't get to go, though personally, I think it's also because she it's been eight episodes in and so far, she has only been the star of one!
So they take the train to Griffonstone.
And we finally get to see Ashleigh Ball's Tara Strong impression.
It's... not the best. But we do see them walking through the mountains.
Just imagine, if Gus Van Sant directed this scene of them walking, it would take place in the desert and would last two hours.
They do finally get to Griffonstone, and it turns out that Griffonstone doubled as one of those fake towns they set up next to nuclear testing sites.
But if that were the case, everybody would have just hid in their refrigerators.
So yeah, the town is a complete dump and is in a state of economic despair, but it still doesn't break up the local D&D club. Look, there are two griffons playing D&D right now!
Dash wonders why the map didn't call Rarity instead of her and Pinkie, but then again, the last time she did that it did made for a good episode, but completely wrecked the town in the process.
And we all pretty much knew this was coming.
That's right, Gilda is back, and apparently she's transformed into this show's equivalent of Newman from Seinfeld. Why, for acting like a bitch once? Sunset Shimmer did that, plus manipulate everybody for years and years, steal an ancient MacGuffin, destroy part of a school, turn into a demon, turn all the students into zombies, and threatened to take over the world, and she just got off with a slap on the wrist! Compared to that, what Gilda did was nothing!
Gilda laughs at Dash and Pinkie for believing in the Idol of Boreas, but then a character known as Grandpa Gruff comes into the picture.
He tells them about what happened to the Amulet of Boreas, and then he's gonna tell them to stay away from Crystal Lake.
Apparently the Idol was passed down from generation to generation of kings, until it was stolen by some giant cyclops monster, but it was lost forever when said monster fell to his death down a giant abyss. Ever since, Griffonstone has had no kings. And I have to admit, this episode does a pretty good job describing the rise of fall of an empire, but personally I was looking forward to the part of Griffonstone's history that involved Malcolm McDowell as one of the kings who did nothing but have creepy orgies all the time.
Also, why would the kingdom's prosperity be based on a golden idol? Doesn't the Griffon Kingdom have any major imports or exports? An economy? Hell, if it was all somehow magically based on a golden idol, why doesn't someone just make a new one? The entire nation is going through a great depression! That seems like the obvious choice!
Oh crap, Grandpa Gruff made Pinkie cry!
I can't wait for an entire fanbase to mindlessly hate him now, and he hasn't even said "You're all doomed" yet!
Dash and Pinkie both decide to find the Idol and return treasure to the Kingdom, but while Dash goes to a store to buy some supplies, Pinkie goes off to a library.
Yikes. That may look bad, but it looks about the same as the inside of Twilight's library after "Twilight's Kingdom." And I think Pinkie is going to get arrested for vandalizing a statue.
And we discover that the town has the embodiment of every rock musician's fear: singing is illegal!
Economic failure is bad enough, but they can't even partake in musical numbers? At this point this town would be better if it really WAS hit by a nuke! Though oddly enough, Nickelback is still allowed there.
Now before I go on cracking jokes and being silly, let me get to what is in my mind a big, glaring issue with this episode: I can't bring myself to get invested in it. I simply do not care what happens to the town. Yeah, it's sad and all that it was once a thriving, prosperous land, but currently, it's a terrible dump, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't also filled with terrible, terrible people. "The Cutie Map" also took place in a crappy town, but at least the citizens there have their creepiness working for them, and at least some seem like they want it to change. In this one, the people are rude jerks, not wanting the ponies' help and using seemingly racist terms such as "typical pony hero complex," and will also beat up one of our pony heroes at the drop of a hat. In fact, I feel bad for calling Dash racist earlier, since as far as I can see, she was correct! Maybe the intention was for me to get invested, but at this point, I couldn't care less if they were all obliterated off the face of Equestria.
Okay, rant over, back to the episode, where Pinkie tries one of Gilda's scones that apparently tastes even worse than one of Sugar Belle's muffins. But from the sounds of it, her recipe includes rocks, so at least Maud would like it.
Pinkie does try helping Gilda bake some scones, which also involves pulling a bag of baking powder out of her mane--don't question it, it'll spare future headaches--and the smell attracts the attention of Greta, another griffon. Pinkie suspects that Gilda may have a friend after all, but Gilda insists that nobody has friends in Griffonstone. You see? Yet another reason why this place sucks and why you should give up now.
Now believe it or not, Gilda is actually a good character in this. Yeah, yeah, maybe she's not the most likeable, still, but getting to see the shitty environment she grew up in and still lives in helps us understand why she acts like such a jerk. She needed to do that to survive. Plus, it is shown with lines like this:
She feels sincerely bad about what happened with her and Dash! And what's Pinkie's reaction to all this?
Uh, Pinkie, wrong episode! Derpy's the star of the 100th, you're one episode too soon!
Meanwhile, Dash tries going down into the Abysmal Abyss--hah--but her rope breaks. Unfortunately, the griffon who is going with her abandons her because she won't pay up. Wow, these griffons are close to beating the Breezies as the least likeable species in the show!
Unfortunately, the wind is so strong that Dash is unable to just fly out, but Pinkie hears her calling out to her and runs to get Gilda. This prompts her to think back to when Dash and she were still friends.
Uh, Gilda? Your friend is at risk of falling to her death, we don't have time for a flashback! And... wait...
HNNNG! Dammit season 5, stop providing us with heart attack fuel! Between this and colt Troubleshoes in Appleloosa's Most Wanted, I think you've taken four years off my life!
Anyway, we see how Gilda as a chick--or is it cub? I really can't tell with these hybrids--first met Rainbow Dash, and it's almost identical to how Rumble met Pipsqueak in The Best of Both Worlds, only without the tits.
Gilda agrees to help, but that doesn't make Dash her friend.
Okay, at this point, Pinkie is just riffing this episode! Dammit, Pinkie, that's my job!
So Pinkie and Gilda try to save at the Abyss, but Dash's ledge breaks and she falls!
No, I'm not going to roll the credits. It doesn't work if the episode's already weeks old and everyone's seen it.
Finally, at the climax of the episode, Gilda notices the Idol of Boreas. She reaches out to grab it, but the ledge she, Dash and Pinke are hanging on is breaking. Which does she choose? Does she take the gold, or save her friends? Well, she chooses the latter of course, because friendship is more powerful than any golden idol. Now while I find this cheesy, I think it's a nice conclusion to that subplot, but there's still one thing that ticks me off about it: does anyone else think that they would have been able to save both the idol AND her friends if Gilda had simply grabbed the idol AFTER saving Dash and Pinkie?
Actually, this makes me think it would have been better if Twilight HAD come with them, because she could have saved everything with her magic! But no, she had to stay back and do princessy things, like filing her royal taxes.
So at the end of the day, the town is still a wreck, and everybody's lives are still miserable, but hey, at least they discovered friendship?
Gilda does eventually try making a friend, when she gives Greta a scone and Greta actually likes it, so they leave her to spread the message of friendship through the land. Why do I get the feeling that as soon as they leave, Gilda will instantly go back to being a jerk? Either that or it will go as well as Gilda going door-to-door saying, "Have you accepted the lord Jesus into your life?" and everyone slamming the door on them. Don't you agree, guys?
Eh, I guess not. And we do get a funny ending shot for the episode:
Funny thing, the whole 'comatose' thing is a disguise. Gummy is really an evil mastermind, much more intelligent than any of the ponies, and spent all the time they were gone making up his army of robots! Someone make that into a story, now!
At the end of the day, I thought this was an okay filler episode. The message itself was really cheesy, especially for a materialistic type of species like the griffons, and many, MANY things didn't add up, but the characterization of Gilda and several funny gags wound up saving it. All in all? 3.5/5.
Tune in later this week when I review episode 100! Or don't. I still doubt most of you even read this, anyway.
-Kirb.
So your problem is that the griffons are not worth saving? That fits in perfectly with the "pony hero syndrome", they save them not because they deserve it but because that's what ponies do.
5/5 social commentary.
3172118 The griffons as portrayed in this are unlikeable, materialistic, seemingly racist types who are constantly beating the crap out of our heroines. They don't care about friendship, and I doubt that one griffon (Gilda) can change an entire country. It's not that I don't think they're worth saving, it's just that I can't make myself get invested in it, especially since the original goal (getting the Idol) was dropped.
-Kirb.