Express yourself · 11:13pm May 6th, 2015
“Naw, man. That ain’t it,” Gabriel sighed dejectedly before continuing. “I mean, I just… It feels like I don’t belong; I feel even less connected to the world around me than I was before,” he managed to stammer out. He then looked at me. Well, more like he looked past me. I’m not quite sure, but something seemed to interest him that settled miles behind my head with the faraway gaze he had etched into his eyes.
The next words that came out of his mouth interrupted my curious reverie, however: “How do you express yourself, John? I mean, I try to convey what I’m feeling to the world through my words and actions, but nobody seems to care about what I have to say. Either no one cares – I can tell because they seem to be more interested in their damn pieces of technology than they do with what I’m telling them – or at best, I get strange looks, as though I were some Cookoolander!” He paused to take a quick breath, looking down; I’m certain if it weren’t for Gabe’s wide-brimmed hat I’d’ve seen tears gathering at the edge of his eyes to accompany his shuddering form.
“John, I’m not sure if I can take it for much longer,” his voice came out strangled, warped from the calm and callous disinclination he usually commanded. “I keep on trying, man, and- and everyone keeps pushing me away!” Now I was certain that I had seen tears; the dam beginning to crack, they hesitantly spilled from his eyelids, as though afraid to leave the comfort of the places they for years upon broken years had stalwartly resided in, unmoving as a stoic mountain. For the first time ever were they released, if at small, slow amounts.
“I even started taking to measures I thought were unlike myself so long ago. I’ve been trying to open up to the world, with- whether it was with text or stainless steel,” I completely understood the implications of that, sad as they were. “Guess the steel’s not so stainless anymore, huh? Just like I’m not so stainless anymore. Heh,” there was no humor in his laugh. It was sick, twisted, gnarled as a rigor mortis-ridden hand, and almost hollow enough to make it seem as though his voice would reverberate off his ribs and bounce around in his body endlessly. It was the laugh of a dying man.
“None of us are stainless nomore. Uh-uh. You don’t go through what we did and come out spic n’ span! No sir! Out there, every second is hell. The heat, the heaviness, everything! Hell! Guess- hah!- I guess that the definition of hell was wrong all along! Burn? I burned out there! Eternity! We- I spent an eternity out there!” barked Gabe hysterically. The dam was completely busted by now, tears freely streaming down his gaunt face, pure and beautiful as a freshwater pond, and just as cleansing as they washed away his worries and rinsed his rough skin.
Gabriel sighed once again, his brief bout of mania now passed, instead giving way back to his previous dejectedness. “John… what do I do?” he muttered softly, so softly that I had to strain to listen to what he had asked, lest the question drift off into oblivion like so much else in our lives had. “How do I keep moving forward when the world’s against me?”
There was no easy answer to that question. What more can you do when you’ve exhausted every avenue of escape? When therapy didn’t work? When talking didn’t work? When retreating into your own mind didn’t work? Well, you just ask a friend what he thinks about it, is what you do.
I had only just noticed at that moment after briefly musing to myself that Gabe was now looking up at me again, a twinkle of hope in his eyes. It was also worth mentioning that he was actually looking at me this time, not through me. The realization nearly brought a smile to my face.
“Well, Gabe, I dunno what to say, really,” I told him honestly. The crestfallen expression adorning his visage almost reminded me of a hurt puppy dog, but there was just a sliver of hope remaining in those brown, beautiful eyes of his. “All’s I can say is this: So long as you’ve got a friend by your side, a brother in arms, you can take on the whole damn world. And Gabe?” the hopefulness had returned in full, that twinkle in those eyes of his brightening ever more. “You’ve got a friend in me, brother. Don’t you never forget that.”
To anyone who actually reads this (if any) refer to the title. Thank you and buh-bye!
3050454 Dude did ya write that ya self?
3050508 Sho nuff, brutha. Just had the feeling creep over me in the past 15 minutes and nothing was keeping me from going through with it.
3050518 Crap man, and this is coming from the guy with absolutely zero stories...
Lol, but seriously, you wrote some thought provoking stuff right there. I'm not going to lie to ya and say I clicked that follow button for some special reason. However now I can say I legitimately follow ya for a good reason. It's people like you that make the internet worth while, sittin in the corner and sharing your thoughts. Cuzo, ya got my respect
3050550 Peace and love, bro. I appreciate the kind words.
You have a gift for writing friend. You should write a story.
3050770 Heh. That might happen if I ever find the time or dedication to maintain one without constantly leaving it on hiatus. I'm not cruel enough to introduce something that I won't finish and leave readers hanging.
This sounds sad. This is what I do when I am sad.
3051072 The ending! Read until the ending! There's at least one silver lining to the dreariness! And we both know we're awesome, anyways, so no need to even bring that up.
3051159 I always need to remind people that I am awesome.
3051159
3051201 Oh lookie yonder, ya dun found a reference!
3051259 I know, I'm so AWESOME
3051380 And I approve of AJs approval of your awesomeness! Keep it real, Corey!