The Document of Pony Gear Solid: Chapter Seven · 5:51am Jul 17th, 2012
You know a story that I miss? "For I Am A Jelly God". That is still my favorite thing that I have ever written.
I need to start writing things that aren't about ponies.
Okay, so, chapter seven. No way around it, so I'll just say it: I took way, way too damn long with this one, and I'm sorry (I say that a lot. The words have lost all meaning to me). I'm also sorry for prolonging the Applebloom story arc. This was supposed to be the chapter where I wrapped that up, and it isn't. So I'm sorry.
However, I should point out that DPV (by the way, huge shout-out to him for being awesome and pre-reading this chapter) passed this with the fewest complaints of any chapter I've yet submitted to him for review. Either I'm getting better at this, or his standards have gotten dangerously low.
I don't want to say too much about what the chapter was originally like, because the next chapter incorporates most of what I was going to do in this chapter, only executed in a far more intelligent way. The reason this chapter took so long (or part of the reason, I should say) is that the more I wrote the original scenario, the less and less sense it made. There was no way to execute the events that I had planned in any way that made any sort of sense. And I just was not feeling it. So I redid it, almost entirely from scratch. Came up with new ideas, better ideas, and just rolled with 'em.
The only part of the original chapter that survived into this one is Snake's encounter with the arch. Rainbow Dash's appearance marks the spot where I began re-writing the chapter. Originally, it was Trenton who appeared to Snake, and they had a discussion which I've moved back to a later chapter. The conversation focused on fleshing out Trenton's motives and dropping some backstory for the arches.
After that conversation, Cain and Macbeth would pull in, and Trenton would join them for a discussion (at the earliest stages of the chapter, Trenton didn't talk with Snake, and showed up in the same truck as his bosses). Cain's personality and motivations in this chapter are far different from what they were before. He's pretty apathetic about everything going on around him, and while he isn't thrilled that Captain Case is dead, he seems more annoyed than anything else. Like, it's an inconvenience, not a loss. Originally, however, he was livid with Trenton, and actually pulled his gun on him. Cain showed a lot more loyalty to his men and to his XO than he does in the finished chapter, and I felt that it didn't go at all with the way Case described him. So that went out the window. DPV described him as "mercenary", and I guess that's a good enough way to describe him.
We finally get to see Macbeth. Like Cain, Macbeth's persona received some mild tweaking. Before, he was simply a raving lunatic, but I felt that he didn't come across as a villain at all. Or, I should say, he didn't come across as a very good villain. He still doesn't (and for good reason), but in a different way. He's clearly gone mad during his exile, but you can tell that there used to be something there - some spark, some charisma. He has a motive, a goal, a justification that really only makes sense to him. You don't agree with what he says, and you probably find it stupid, but he has some belief, some conviction. I liken him to Solidus, in Sons of Liberty, except far less even-keeled. Before, he just came across as a hobo on the street screeching about government chips in his molars. And as a child molester. Seriously. Part of the reason I delayed in introducing him for so long was because I was still figuring out who Macbeth was. I think I hit a pretty good note with him in this chapter.
Twilight's thought process and characterization are other artifacts from the early iteration of the chapter. I see her as being shocked with the lengths Applejack went to just to save her sister, understanding them, but not being able to fully condone them. That's going to cause some tension between them down the line, which'll be interesting to see. And being pushed to the point where killing a man seemed a legitimate option seems like precisely the sort of thing that Twilight would beat herself up over.
Poor dear.
Twilight and Applejack originally fought a pitched battle with Cain and his men in order to escape from the castle. Snake came in here to draw off Cain and his men, having made the conscious decision to act as a diversion rather than continue on to defeat Metal Gear (which was terribly out of character for him; he needs to be forced into that situation, not to choose that situation consciously), but Twi and AJ and Applebloom were still cornered by a team of Finnish mechanics. At this point, the rest of the cast came to the rescue, overpowered the guards and mechanics, and continued out of the castle. Dash would go after Snake to rescue him; the ensuing battle saw Cain getting the shit kicked out of him and his team being utterly decimated. Dash convinced Snake to continue on with her and the gang to Ponyville, and Cain, in desperation, activated the dormant GEKKO to finish them off. And that's where most of the next chapter's content'll come in.
The pacing was all off, and there was no way for me to make what I had work within the timeframe I was establishing. So that all went out, and what we now have came in. It's an improvement, believe me.
The interaction between Spike and Twilight was one of my favorite parts about writing the chapter. It's a pretty damn boneheaded move for Twilight to invite Spike along, much less to let him stick around after the timberwolf fight (keeping him with the gang was more out of necessity by that point, and she tried very hard to keep him out of danger), and we're starting to see just how out of place he really is. It's a wake-up call for him. But I also liked writing the little interaction between him and Twilight. She's a lot of things to him - friend, employer, sister, maybe even mother - so writing sweet little moments between them like that gives me a really nice sense of satisfaction. They're probably the biggest well for d'aww in the entire show, and I eat up moments between them, both in fiction and in canon.
Conversely, Snake and Rainbow Dash finally come to blows. We're building up to the climactic moment of the story's first half, and all throughout, there's been an undercurrent of tension and a mutual dislike festering between Snake and Dashie. Writing her into the chapter the way I did gave me an opportunity to further develop their animosity, and it'll allow me to gain some closure with them in the next chapter. And for the record - nothing against Dash, but Snake would wipe the floor with her, gun or no gun.
I apologize for marginalizing Pinkie and Fluttershy in this chapter. I just don't really have much to do with them. They're sort of the odd mares out in this point of the story. Fluttershy will get some time to shine later on, but I don't see Pinkie Pie getting much more development than she has. I don't know what to do with her, honestly. She's difficult to write. I'll probably figure something out eventually. No, the focus is mostly on Twilight by now, with Dash, Rarity, and Applejack getting portions of the spotlight. The Applejack/Applebloom arc will wrap up within a couple of chapters, and from then on, it's Twilight Sparkle's show.
The next chapter will definitely conclude the first half of the story, and will probably be far shorter than this one, which means that it'll also take less time to write. So now you've got something to look forward to.
Additional notes:
-The chapter title comes from the Peace Walker soundtrack. It's a reach. Because, you see... the clients appear in this chapter. I'm thinking about dropping the soundtrack motif in the future.
-The quote is Liquid's, from when he drops his Miller act and tries to gas Snake to death. It was chosen because, like Cain and Macbeth in this chapter, Liquid tried to execute Snake with a silly supervillain method. Macbeth's desire to test the GEKKO out on the Mane Six is unnecessary and complicated, and it's going to bite him in the plot.
-Speaking of the GEKKO, some clarification would be nice. The GEKKO is a prototype, lacking some features while possessing others. The onboard AI is a little more intelligent than the AI on an MGS4 GEKKO, and it doesn't contain the self-destruct device that we saw in that game. Think about the way that Liquid's RAY was more powerful and durable than the mass produced RAYs in MGS2. Same principal. Since there isn't a satellite network in Equestria, the onboard AI has to be capable of higher-level thinking than the drones in MGS4. They can receive verbal instruction, communicate via a synthesized voice, and have basic problem-solving capabilities. However, they lack the weaponry of an MGS4 GEKKO. No rockets, no machine guns, and no hand grenades. They do have a few surprises in store, however. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
-I can't actually think of a specific Friendship is Witchcraft reference in this chapter (though I'm certain there is one).
-Macbeth was originally red, but after reading Fallout: Equestria, I changed his color to gray to avoid similarities with another one-eyed red pony with delusions of grandeur. He originally appeared in chapter four, alongside Trenton. They would come across the manticore that Snake fought, and kill it. However, I pushed his appearance back to chapter five, where he was to converse with Applebloom, (this was where he made some remarks that could be construed as sexually charged, but that was too fucking grimdark for this story, not to mention ew), but I pushed this back to chapter six, then finally cut the sequence out altogether. The scene where he meets the Mane Six Five is the first time he's met Applebloom.
-His story about Celestia is deeply biased, but the important bits are mostly accurate. That's actually integral to the long-term story arc, and we'll continue developing it over time.
-Cain's gun used to be an HK MP5, before I changed it to an MP7. This change was based entirely on my preference for the MP7 in MGS4. The MP5 has its uses, but it's weaker, shot-for-shot, than the MP7. Also, the MP7 just looks cooler.
Oh man. That sounds horrible. Thank goodness you scrapped the old version. My review would have been longer than the chapter.
I would have needed to perform an exorcism.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/131190216856.gif?1316803746
235271 Yeah, I'm pretty happy with what I've got now versus what I used to have.
I think I still have the unfinished original draft, actually. I might post it along with the original opening at some point.