Chapter XI Update and Sample · 1:55am May 1st, 2015
So, life has got me busy with some other things, but I'm still taking time everyday to work on AGOKAPPP.
My editor and I discussed chapter XI a while back, and he didn't agree with my decision of where to cut it off, so the chapter got longer.
It starts off continuing right after the last one left off, and then originally was supposed to cut off when a character makes a segue into a flashback, which was the whole point of the chapter. To have all the build up and no reward would have been a poor choice, so there must be a purpose for all the buildup in this chapter. In a sense, someone else who helped me early on in the story when he saw the prologue gave a good critique that would apply to this chapter as well: "It's like a full course meal without steak. There's no real meat to it."
So, I've been working on the meat for the past week, and I hope you are hungry. This chapter is already 15,000 words long, but I feel it is my most engaging chapter yet.
Here is a sample of the WIP to keep your appetites wet. (I've never seen a wet appetite before... or a dry one for that matter.)
Hauteclaire walked out of his reconstructed bedroom and looked down the hall. The morning sun warmed the hallway through the paneless, arched windows. Stepping up to the window, Hauteclaire breathed in the first fresh breath of air that would be another day full of unimaginable possibilities. For both fortune and disaster.
He stretched his arms out and felt a few loose pebbles shake loose from under his clothes. This new body still needed to be broken in. As he loosened his belt and shook out some dirt from under his cotehardie, he noticed a pegasus flying straight for the castle. As it got closer, he saw it was burdened with a brown bag slung around its neck and shoulder.
Wow, she’s going awfully fast. It looks like she’s heading this way.
She was.
The pegasus came barreling through the window and smashed right into Hauteclaire. Knocked silly against the wall and buried under a pile of grey fur and feathers, he struggled to push the winged mare off him. The pony herself also seemed perplexed by her current situation, but she handled it much better than Hauteclaire.
“Wow! The castle looks different than it did yesterday.”
Hauteclaire jabbed the pony in the side with a finger. She caught the hint and got off of him. “Oops! Sorry! I didn’t see you there. Thank you for breaking my fall.”
Getting up, smoothing the wrinkles in his clothes, and spitting out a feather, Hauteclaire stared at the mare staring back at him, and a dirt pile on the floor.
Did that happen to her in the crash? Well, nothing the King’s magic can’t solve.
The pegasus pointed at Hauteclaire. “Ummm, I don’t mean to be rude, but there is something wrong with your face.”
Of all the nerve! This pony dares to make light of my face when her own is a… oh… Hauteclaire reached up, grabbed his bent nose, and snapped it back into place with a crack. “Thank you.”
The pony smiled back at him, “It’s alright! I’ve got something for you.” She lifted a flap of her mailbag with a wing and pulled something out with her teeth.
Hauteclaire took the bundle from her and opened it up. “The Foal Free Press?”
The mare smiled. “Yup! Marcus ordered this paper the other day. You guys are in it! Well, I’ve got more deliveries to make. Have a nice day!” The mare waved and took off through the window she came in. As she left, Hauteclaire noticed her cutie mark: a bunch of bubbles.
What kind of talent involves bubbles? Maybe she likes to clean things…
Turning his thoughts back to the paper, he read the header.
The Truth of Hauteclaire’s Face Revealed! Serious Scars Scare Schoolfillies Silly!
Hauteclaire bit his lip. Just below the massive headline was a picture of Hauteclaire with his mask off. In front of him were a bunch of screaming students. It was apparent to him now that these ponies were capable of taking pictures. He didn’t remember seeing any cameras at the school, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. Come to think of it, there were cameras at the welcoming party.
“Ffffffffffffrig.”
