new story practice. (editing story for mistakes now). · 8:34am Feb 5th, 2015
I am going to pause on writing pony stories for a while, however I am going to write and post a few Non-pony stories on here for practice.
So, as long as these practice stories are not mature in content, I am fine writing them in blogs. After all there is no rule about practicing on your blogs.
Now let's start with the first story exercise.
Dragon's kiss
It was a cold winter night. I was glancing out the window with a simple childish wonder at the stars of the night sky.
Shivering, I shuddered to think of bad the temperature must be on the outside if I were this cold inside.
There was movement on the ground below; deer perhaps? I placed my left over my heart, a sympathetic gesture, to pray for the lonely deer.
I closed my eyes and created an image of the deer in my mind's eye. Visualizing the deer finding some warm grass to eat and living through this harsh weather. My prayer finished I opened my eyes to see that the deer was gone.
"Be safe, my animal friend." I whispered. My eyes, streamed of small tears as I thought of what other poor creatures lay in the night, be they man or beast. "Why? Why is life such a cruel place? So many bad things. So much loss..."
Wiping my tears I got myself ready to go to sleep for the night. When I finished brushing my teeth, I sighed feeling myself become cold within as well, as if... As if my heart was becoming iced over as well. I wish there was a way I could feel warmer. I...just...want... to...feel...warm.
As I walked out the bathroom to my bedroom my head felt of fire and intense heat.
Was I catching a fever perhaps? No, something was different about this feeling of heat...
I realized that not only was my head feeling ablaze, but my very heart was feeling a flutter as well.
My cheeks blossomed into that all too familiar shade of crimson coloring.
Every piece of my body relaxed as a sensation a warm love poured throughout my body.
It was so wonderful and peaceful that I almost feel asleep right there.
I was snapped out of my euphoria by the feeling of someone touching my shoulder.
I became alarmed as I knew at the moment I was all alone in the house.
A voice whispered into my head. "Do not be frightened. I mean you no harm."
"What do you want from me?" I asked.
"I am a dragon, an angelic being watching over the spirits of the animals, and I sensed your heart crying out from a distance.
Her clawed hand danced gently down my shoulder.
She began massaging the spot between my neck and shoulder.
"You have such a kind loving spirit. It us such a beautiful quality, in a human. I could stand to see such a heart crying."
"You... sensed me?"
I asked in shock as I flexed my arms out to the warm sensation spreading as the massage became internal.
"Yes, as a spirit I am able to feel energies and follow them into their physical vessels. "
I felt myself nudged ever so slightly forward.
It was what I can only assume was her attempt at a hug, a warm cradling my whole body all over.
"I have lived for centuries observing you humans and the various acts of kindness or cruelty towards others.
I have always enjoyed being near the energies of those with kinder hearts because they would always shine so brilliantly.
They were a sight of wonder to me as young dragon; an artistic wonder, like what Da Vinci must be to humans.
But... from time to time, the light I so enjoyed watching would fade out during times of sadness. There was al-"
I felt myself being almost crushed with a pure overwhelming feeling of love so strong I worried my very soul might leave my body.
"E-e-easy, I am... glad f-for your company and everything, but ease up before I leave my body."
I said, iinterrupting her, breathing heavily to beat of my rapidly heart.
In response she loosened her grip on my body to give me some breathing room.
"S-sorry, I guess I just became so transfixed with you soul I forgot not to overwhelm your body."
She moved her clawed fingers into my stomach sending a pleasant warmth throughout my digestive system.
"Is this better?" She asked.
"Much, much better." I replied after I had finished catching my breath. "So, you never did finish your explanation."
I stated as my mouth formed into dream like smile.
She chuckled, "yes that is true. I never did finish did I? Anyways, as I said before I noticed that when the humans emotions became sadder, the light I so beloved being near would fade and yet... just as I was to give up I saw the most wondrous miracle. I observed a young homeless boy's heart crying in sadness over the loss of the pet in arms and right as I prepared to leave. i then saw another human, an adult, female approach the child. One that held that gloriously bright loving light. Intrigued, I paused to see what would what happen and I learned a wonderful truth I would never forget. The woman held the child in her arms and gave him the biggest of embraces. As she did, the light from her entered into the child and the child's otherwise dimmed light grew brighter until the light of his soul shinned once more."
I closed my eyes and stretched my body to and fro. "So, what you are saying is... You learned that by giving your heart to others, it would bring back their spirit of kindness and happiness. You came here to comfort my heart because you knew I needed you. That is what you followed, correct?"
"Yes, I have always been a rather shy dragon so I was rather nervous about trying to do it myself. I was so moved by your gesture of sadness for the deer and your compassion to pray for it that, I, decided to confront my shyness on this night. I thank you for allowing me to help you and..." She stopped in the middle of her words trailing off.
I felt a brush of warmth against my quivering lips. Her kiss, of sweet fire like candy brought forth the inferno Rose-colored cheeks. "I...I.."
I stammered trying to find the basic intelligence to utter but a single letter and finding my mind to fail me to do the task.
"And that is my farewell gift to you. Thank you, _____, because I now know I can help others like you and can be brave as well. I will not forget your kind soul and will always look out for you when I can. I am grateful to know a human like you is willing to give a dragon like me a chance."
With her final words and departing, "gift", she faded away into light of the moon. My body no longer cold in any sense gave me a feeling of hope. No... I think... it is I who should be the grateful. You gave me the hope I needed to hear the most. I thought as I gleefully entered into my bedroom, snuggled under the covers. I looked out my window, beaming.
I knew the world wan't so harsh after all.
I watched the moon's enchanting light until I drifted towards sleepvile.
I could swear I spotted a blueish wing flying by the window out of the corner of my eyes right as my eyes closed and my dream started...
Well, tomorrow I will look over this bit of practice to examine both the good and bad of it.
If you are reading this feel free to critique me so that I may learn.
Okay, I know I'm not a perfect writer myself but there were some glaring issues that I noticed. First off it seems really rushed, but that can be easiy fixed. Second, crying because of a deer outside his window? A single deer? If this person thought of the millions of animals that are outside with the deer they'd probably have a heart attack. By this, I mean the character is way too emotional. And the Dragon's appearance almost seems like it was a second thought to the character getting to bed. There had to be some kind of other sensory input before the guy just gets tapped on the shoulder. And I believe in spirits and how they can manipulate emotions, but this Dragon just seems to be slightly unbelievable. His explanation seems...forced. It just feels like it was a second thought, like oh crud I forgot the dragon, rewind to a somewhat decent point, and plaster it in so I can moved on. Keep in mind, I don't mean this cruelly, I just want to keep you from having people hating your story. To be honest, I would have stopped reading at the crying-for-the-deer part. Maybe you should have something bad happen to the deer, like it's attacked by a pack of wolves or coyotes, before your character feels the need to cry and pray for the deer.
Like I said, it seems like multiple individually good ideas were copy and pasted into a story and fitted together with glue as to hope they would stick. That may not be the case. I personally know how creative you are, and I know that you can write some really good material, but this just seems lack luster.
Again none of this is to be mean or cruel. I like the idea, but you need to apply the brakes, slow it down, and explain things. Add some more details, maybe his house, or his room. Anything about his past, or his family. What does his bedroom look like? All of these are great things I think you could add that would make the immersion so much better.
I hope I helped. Sorry if this angered you any. It was unintentional.
Nah, it's fine. It was somewhat rushed because I wrote it at the last minute and was too tired to check for errors really.
I have nit been getting good sleep, so really me writing in coherence sentences period is a miracle.
After all that is why this is a blog for practicing my writing.
Also, I ****ing hate typing on this tablet. I need to get a keyboard because this touch screen is pissing me off to no end.
In any case appreciate the review.