R4 (Reactions, Reviews, Reference, Redirection) #0057 · 2:46am Jan 8th, 2015
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Here are five possibly edited old reviews:
Legends Of The Everfree by MLPxMaestro
The Secret Darkness by Coppermane
Mottled Shadow by Inkyarn
Nocturna Eternal by SweetieBotError
Super Trampoline the Bat Pony’s Day As Presented Through Various Writing Paradigms by Super Trampoline
Legends Of The Everfree by MLPxMaestro
[story link] [my original review]
Ouch. This was another one I just couldn’t finish. Just all around bad writing. Mixing up tenses between one sentence and another, choppy paragraphs preventing any kind of smooth flow of reading, saying instead of showing pretty much everywhere. I really hope this is a brand new author trying to write something for the first time because they don’t have any clue what they are doing. I would put money on they haven’t read anything on how to write, or even paid much attention to the books they read. Luckily, practice and a bit of studying should fix almost all of these problems and I think there was a decent idea for a story in here.
The Secret Darkness by Coppermane
[story link] [my original review]
Started somewhat decent, but bad writing increased as the story went on and I gave up on it. Not as bad as the other three I couldn’t finish, but this one caught me in the middle of depression so I moved on to the next story.
Mottled Shadow by Inkyarn
[story link] [my original review]
Bleh. Good writing from a technical perspective and a very strong start. However, the story takes a nosedive when Ponyville becomes a vengeful mob at the drop of a hat. No rhyme, no reason, the moment someone notices our main character is a batpony the entire town becomes a lynch mob hungry for blood and dead-set on burning a young colt to death. Also, before that, a nurse thinks he is just a kid in a really good Nightmare Night costume who passed out from stomach cramps from eating too much candy. When what really happened is he had been shoved off a cliff, hitting several rocks and trees on the way down, probably broke one wing and sprained at least one leg, then limped several hours to get to Ponyville before passing out from his injuries at the train station. But yes, I’m sure that major physical trauma is nearly identical to nausea from too much sugary sweets. Oh, and even before falling off a cliff he was suffering from very obvious malnutrition from months of a starvation diet since his hidden tribe doesn’t have enough to eat. The ending was a really awkward deus ex machina. I was actually hoping for the ending ‘and then he woke up and it was all a dream’ for most of this story. You know something has gone wrong when the reader is hoping for the most cliche ending possible because it would be better. I would totally believe that the first third or so of this story was written by someone else because the second half of it just falls apart on so many levels.
Nocturna Eternal by SweetieBotError
[story link] [my original review]
Good story. Big difference from the last few. Wish it was longer, but that’s typical for a really good short story. This is another one that feels like the first chapter of a longer work. I want to know what happens next and will be seeing of the author wrote any more in this world.
Super Trampoline the Bat Pony’s Day
As Presented Through Various Writing Paradigms
by Super Trampoline
[story link] [my original review]
Interesting. As a story it doesn’t quite work, but as a experiment it is very impressive. Seeing an author try to do something like this is always a joy. It won’t get one of the three votes for the contest, but I’m glad I got to read it. Will have to see if the author wrote more conventional stories I would enjoy.
As always, The Big Master Review List is here: { THE MASTER LIST }
If you know of a text-format reviewer I'm not keeping track of, please let me know and I'll see if they meet the criteria to be assimilated into the list.
If you are an author who wants a more detailed review of a story I've covered feel free to message me. My reviews tend to be fairly light, mostly just reactions to a story right after reading it. I am happy to give a more careful read and reply to anyone who wants more precision and/or feedback. It might take a while, as more precision means I need to actually think about things instead of just doing stream of consciousness typing.
