Knight of Solas chapter 4 coming soon XD NEED opinion 0-0

Hi Guys ;D Its ya friendly Neigh...borhood SpaceMarineTC here and i'm posting this to say i need a opinion on the fanfic so far XD but before you go off galloping to this work in progress Knight of Solas let me just note a few key questions and some other info you might wanna know first...
1. the actual fanfic started 4 years ago and the orginal story line was changed as the warhammer element was kicked out of the book, but the stories direction (chapter 1 and 2) hasn't been completely changed for 2 years ^-^ (chapter 2 is definitely one to note as i'm not sure weather to change its direction, please tell me and i will make amends....have to admit though it was fun writing how to sneak into canterlot palace without getting caught, much lol, too much playing hitman :3)
2. The FanFics inspiration was that of following Berserk, dark souls (just say the souls series as they are still my all-time favrioutes :3) , Dantes inferno, and many others like them (yeah you get the picture) pluss some other stuff i had been watching and video games i had been playing during the years
3. Yes the FanFic is a shipping one but this hasn't been made evident, yet, but will do later on as was the original intention, while following the "Knight of Solas" story lines direction and lore (will put this somewhere into the book, so don't worry you'll find out soon enough ;D)
4. (an important question 0w0) Fire Knight A.K.A Knight Lasair is my OC and over the years i have developed him into almost complete charatcer and the question which keep popping up in my mind is.... is Fire Knight's little event in chapter 2 involving my upmost Favorite character, the one which got me into this fandom,(i'm getting there:3) which is Queen Chryssi :D is a little too "oh my god his eyes are on fire man! 0-0 she looks so scared and some eveil ting came out of her soul i think...0-0 wtf is going on?" (later on nearing the end of the chapter....) "oh my god its called the death stare how original man *sarcasm*" ....Okay i admit its a little bit like "Oh god its one those OP immortal OCs 0.0 Damn you author for killing this Fic! >:D" so yeah i am thinking editing this bit to make it more, well...mortal so the character isn't seen as some super saiyan pony with...Special unearthly Powers...(don't forget this was intentionally a war-hammer 40k fanfic involving custodians and SpaceMarines :3...i was young a 12 year old loyalist, noob brony when i started writing these leave me alone XD JK) but yeah its just something to keep in mind.
Anyways guys i'm back to school tomorrow so i gotta go so yeah tell me your glorious opinions 0W0 and i shall make amends to this FanFic brothers until then good day too you all ;D