The Cons of Writing At Work · 2:21pm Aug 24th, 2014
A couple days ago I was working on one of my fics at work and a co worker asked what i was doing and i told him, just writing a short story. He returned to his desk for a moment before coming back with a pair of stuffed plushies, a frog and a penguin. "Dont these fuckers look high?" and im like, "heh, yeah they do" "write me a story about these two"
I debated about what it would consist of, because come on, really? doped up toys? you'd have to be crazy.
my kind of crazy
It's not pony related so I cant officially post it, but ill probably link to this blog post in an A/N in one of my stories. I could have made it pony related, I have three blind bag ponies on my desk: Pinkie, Cadence, and AJ. Maybe ill modify it but w/e its all good. anyway here is the story my mind created, enjoy!
“Dude… Yo dude…” A voice… I hear a voice calling out to me in the void. “Dude you’re trippen hard brah.”
“Eh?” I mutter, a light begins to flood my vision. I squint to ease the pain from my eyes.
“Yo penguin guy, ya’ll right?” some green thing was in my face, but luckily for me it was blocking the source of that insufferable light. “Dude you are fucking stoned! Huh huh huh!”
“Wha-where-” I started, trying to regain my senses.
“Whoa dude, you like, ya know, just fell out of the sky man. Like, the sky giant has blessed us this day yo.” The green thing said. He motioned behind himself and there I saw a few others, a purple thing and a small robot.
“Sup dudes.” I said.
“Yo.” Purple dude said
“Another one!?” the robot cried in outrage, “Are we the only sane ones here?! We’re sick of all you stoners!”
“Ah, penguin dude, don’t stress over Spare Parts, he’s just jelly.” Green dude said.
“We are not ‘jelly,’ and our combined form is the Power Rangers Samurai!!” the small robot yelled.
“Oh yeah, thanks Spare Parts. Sorry, my name is Mr. High, the purple dude’s Mr. Ella P. Fant, and we got Spare.” Mr. High introduced, each offering a greeting in turn.
“Well I guess you can call me Mr. Stone.” I said, thinking about what I was called not too long ago. “So, like, where the hell are we?”
“Dude, you may wanna sit down brah, this is some heavy shit kay?” Mr. High advised. Once I was comfy he continued, “So like, there’s these big ass dudes that just come out of fucking nowhere, right? And its like, they don’t even like, pay attention. I be all like, ‘yo fuck head, im right here take me with you!’ And the dude, kay, like, just sits there staring at our god.”
I looked up to where Mr. High had pointed up toward a giant black monolith. “Behold our god, the Great and Powerful Lenovo! Come, join us brah, as we bask in his glorious glow!”
I was amazed, the Great and Powerful Lenovo shown brilliantly, his entire surface was alight with strange runes and diagrams of untold knowledge.
“So, like, my job is to translate what the Great and Powerful Lenovo is telling us. And those big guys, they come like every day yo, and talk with the Great and Powerful Lenovo. It has been like this since the dawn of time, and tha’s how it will always be.”
Mr. high had me in awe, and I felt small, weak, and helpless. I was unworthy to bask in the glow of the Great and Powerful Lenovo, so I hung my head in shame.
“Yo, so like, whaz up dude, you look like you got one of them heavy hearts.” Mr. High said as he patted my back.
“My bad brah, but I just feel like I’m not worth the Great and Powerful Lenovo’s time. I feel weak dude.” I confided in my new leader.
“Oh nah man, you be looken at this the wrong way brah. See, this is how it is. Everyone feels this way the first time. Yea even me, but get this brah, the Great and Powerful Lenovo will see you as worthy and if you let him into your heart, you’ll feel his blessing dude. Aint no high like it.”
“Okay man, I’ll let the Great and Powerful Lenovo into my very being.” I said, looking up at the Great and Powerful Lenovo with renewed awe.
“Alright guys, it’s that time. Let’s all bow our heads and like, worship, ya know?” I watched as Mr. High clasped his hands in front of himself and bowed his head, the others following suit.
What was this? What was I supposed to do, think for a moment? I copied their motions, but I was just confused. What did that mean? Was I unworthy of the Great and Powerful Lenovo’s love? I decided to ask Mr. High as soon as this was all over.
We were sitting like that for what felt like hours, I dared not move. Luckily, it was Mr. High who broke the silence.
“Why? Why do you forsake us oh Great and Powerful Lenovo, have we angered you, have we been met with your wrath?”
“Hr. High? What’s goin on brah?” I asked.
“Dude, you remember those big dudes?”
“Shyea.”
“They were supposed to be here like hours ago dude! They are never late!” Mr. High yelled. “Oh Great and Powerful Lenovo, will you allow me to translate your words of wisdom and like, make you feel better and stuff?” He paused for a moment before seeming to nod.
“So, like, what now?” I asked.
“Go hang out with the others for a bit, I’ll see what’s up.” He replied.
“k.” I turned and made to sit with the others, but I didn’t like the looks on their faces, it was almost as if they were angry with me. So I sat off to the side and waited. I watched as Mr. High climbed on top of a large pink slab and pulled free a white cape. He slung it over his back elegantly as he stood before the Great and Powerful Lenovo and stared into the light with great intensity.
It only took him a few minutes before he stumbled backwards and climbed down the pedestal, he kept the cape on as she marched up to me.
“Sup brah, so like, what did he say?” He said nothing. I was beginning to freak out like it was a bad trip. My worry grew as the others surrounded me.
“Hold him.” Mr. High commanded. I was confused, hold who? I found out quickly as the others grabbed my shoulders and began to drag me toward the pink alter. I went along at first, I had no reason to fight and besides this was kind of fun.
But as I caught site of the pink alter in front of me, I screamed and began to resist. That wasn’t pink paint or dye, it was old blood that had stained it.
“It was you!” Mr. High screamed at me as the others forced me down on the alter. “Your arrival has signaled the end of days, and with your sacrifice, the giants shall return and order shall be restored as it once was!”
“Sacrifice?! Dude no, I thought we were cool man!” I pleaded.
Mr. High just glared at me. “You speak as though I would place you before the Great and Powerful Lenovo, such blasphemy is a death penalty dude! Spare Parts, ready thy weapon!”
“Yes Sir!” The Power Rangers Samurai drew a long black blade from behind his back. “Thy will of the Great and Powerful Lenovo be done!”
I tried to move, but Mr. Ella P. Fant was too strong. I watched with sick fascination as the blade pierced into my soft white belly. It was accompanied by an explosion of fluffy cotton and blood, and so much pain.
I screamed out in agony as the blade was wedged in deeper, the blood flowed faster. My eyes drooped as my struggling ceased, the pain fading away as I did. I saw the Great and Powerful Lenovo slowly turn to look at me, and for an instant, I felt peace, then that too faded away.
A week later on a desk in an office building, an employee returns to work after a vacation. All is as usual, greeting those he knew and avoiding those his didn’t and bosses alike. Soon he made it to his desk, where he was met with an interesting sight.
The small collection of plush animals and a toy had been moved, repositioned as though they were holding down a penguin he had named Mr. Stone, and stabbing him in the chest. The man shrugged, grabbed the toys, and placed them back into their respective places. Never knowing what took place because he went on vacation, and ended the world of those around him. Instead he sat as he always did, and spoke with the Great and Powerful Lenovo.
The end?
Moral of the story: vacations are bad!
Tried to avoid the whole crazy tribal shit but it happened no matter that I did
Honorable line of text when I thought that was Optimus Prime on the desk instead of power rangers: “The way you all speak is making my circuits spark!”
Agh, that's just like being an artist and someone asking you if you can draw them!
Ah well, as long as you enjoyed writing it though, I suppose I can let it slide. It was pretty funny honestly, in a 'wat?' sorta way.