I am a Lazy Bastard – Pony Role-Playing

What it says on the title. So what have I been doing instead of writing fanfiction, which I really ought to get back to doing, by the way? Online forum pony role-playing!

The campaign goes as follows... Princess Celestia is dying of an untraceable, sinister illness. With the Elements of Harmony unable heal her, a desperate Princess Luna calls for volunteers (that's us!) to find a cure. It soon becomes apparent that "find a cure" actually means "SLAUGHTER THOSE RESPONSIBLE." Eldritch forces do their damnedest to stop us, so much glorious, blood-soaked pony violence ensues. My character even managed to decapitate a cultist with a single swing of her (at the time, flaming) sledgehammer – I have a feeling that such a feat is slightly impossible, but I'm not one to argue against the dice (when they roll in my favor, of course). We're not much closer to figuring out what these omnicidal maniacs did to Celestia, but I suspect we'll find some answers when we kill enough of them! And loot their stuff.

The campaign's conflict is not just against these cultists, however. It is just as much against other party members. Our fellowship is quite fragile and dysfunctional, with several player characters (PCs) actively detesting each other, which has already led to several inter-party fights. But hey, DRAMA!

Rules, by the way, are based on a dice/pen&paper RPG system called Savage Worlds. It's a bit like Dungeons and Dragons, but much simpler and more easily adaptable to different settings (like this one).

Now, on to the dramatis personae! Note that all sketches in black and white were drawn by myself. Those in color were done by Blue Flame's player.

MJÖLNA
This is my character, self-described "Ponyville blacksmith, drunkard, bar smasher, and hammer lass." She was inspired by the background pony with Thor's hammer as a Cutie Mark in the Flim&Flam episode, so I took the "Viking Pony" idea and ran with it. Mjölna is a loud, mostly good-natured boor of a mare who likes hammers, hard drinking, fighting, and hammers a bit too much. She is impulsive, doesn't take anything seriously, and joined the mission to have a fun time. Tends to go berserk in battle.

STEADFAST
An extraordinarily dangerous, jaded, paranoid, sociopathic, stallion-hating bounty huntress with a Tragic Backstory™. She lays social landmines all around her and explodes at other ponies for the slightest offenses, real or imagined. She is extremely protective of the younger female party members and basically hates all male PCs by default, but she also has a mutual vendetta against Mjölna. My character hates Steadfasts' guts and enjoys pressing her buttons, starting with never, ever calling her by her real name, but the moniker "Creeper."

BLUE FLAME
A well-traveled, genial and flamboyant old unicorn entertainer and pyromancer beyond compare. Being a kindly septuagenarian, however, does not stop him from being a face-immolating terror in battle. He has the unenviable duty of mediating inter-party disputes and preventing us from killing each other. Blue also has the unique status of being the only stallion with functioning genitalia that Steadfast somewhat trusts.

ARCTIC BREEZE
An upper-crust ice sculptor donkey who doesn't have the most useful array of skills for this quest, but has a surprising amount of backbone. Very cynical and snarky.

RAYNER THE HARPER OF DURAND
A notorious unicorn scalawag who has picked many pockets and stolen many mares' hearts. Regarding his personality, he's basically a pony version of Captain Jack Sparrow. He was kicked in the face and chased out of the group by Steadfast, but he nevertheless tends to crop up again from time to time.

BLUEBELL
Young filly and would-be sacrificial victim had the party not rescued her from evil cultists. Having no surviving relatives, she is tagging along with the party. Recently earned her Cutie Mark (a purifying white flame/water droplet) by vaporizing some zomponies.

RAUL EPIFANIO JULIP
A retired, veteran soldier from a Spanish-speaking kingdom. Calm, collected, and deadpan. Wields a rapier, but doesn't hesitate to take the safer option of simply shooting his opponent.

JULIA SANTIAGO
Retired soldier from Raul's old regiment, and who had served while disguised as a stallion. She revealed her secret many years later and is now Raul's companion and love interest.

SPANNER GEARWORKS
Young, naïve tinkerer filly who is uniquely talented at making things that should not by any logic explode do precisely that. Possesses a pet chameleon named Igor, and has a crush on Ascot (see below).

FIERY ASCOT
Young, naïve, aspiring archaeologist pegasus colt. Prone to having crises of confidence. Has a crush on Spanner, but can't do anything about it do to overbearing bounty huntress who'd be happy to have his guts for garters.

TASMIA PEKUNAN
Better known as "Tasmen." A sheltered, absentminded pegasus biologist who mutters a lot and has a habit of thinking aloud. He is the healer of the group, and is in denial about having an unexplained crush on Mjölna.

LUDERE FORTUNA
Quite possibly one of the worst Royal Guards ever produced, and one with an ego of equal magnitude to his incompetence. A highly embarrassing mental breakdown proved fortunate, as he has since become a much humbler pony and aware of his many shortcomings. The pegasus is working to improve himself, but he is pretty much the butt monkey of the party.

And then there's a bunch of Non-Player Characters (NPCs), but I'm not going to go into them.

Anyway, that's that. I've considered writing a fictionalization of this campaign, but that would require the other players' input, selecting from and editing over 4500 forum posts, and our party not dying or killing each other before we defeat the cultists and cure Celestia.