How to Write Clop Properly (Part 1) · 11:16pm Jul 4th, 2014
Jirou knocked on Rainbow's door. Rainbow answered the door and said, "Hello. Nice to meet you." Jirou replied speedily, "Hi! I'm Jirou! Can we bang?" Rainbow stared at Jirou speechless for a minute. Jirou said, "Is someting wong?" Rainbow said, "What?" Jirou replied, "I have been working on some of my Chinese accent. Is something wrong?" Rainbow replied, "No, it's just... I have been waiting to hear those words for a long time and I didn't expect to hear them so soon. I ABSOLUTELY DO!" Jirou replied, "Okay, then let's get started!" Jirou then got on Rainbow and started humping. Rainbow was pleasurably moaning, "Ohhhhhh yyyyeeeeessssss! Thaaaaaat feeeeelllsss gooooood! Giiiiivvvvvveee mmmmmeeeeee mmmmmmooooorrrrrrrrrre!" Jirou kept humping for another half-hour before he came. Five minutes passed afterwards and Rainbow said, "That was the best experience ever! I didn't know it would feel that good!" Jirou replied, "I agree. See ya later." Rainbow said, "Wait! Can we do that every day?" Jirou replied, "Absolutely yes!"
Nope nope nope nope NOPE NOPE NOPE SO MUCH NOPE!
Let me start by saying this: "How is this even considered clop?!!" I mean, have you ever heard a clopfic use the word 'humping' as a sex term? And how did he just instantly have a massive erection? And how did he make her act so out-of-character? Here's some proper terminology I can use: "Rainbow doesn't give head to strangers!"
>assuming she was giving head
So let me give you a huge tutorial on how you write clop CORRECTLY.
PART 1: Romance
Step 1: Choose your character.
You can choose between a pony OC, an already existing pony, a human, an ogre, a manticore, a dragon, a timberwolf, Discord, Tirek, or any other character, assuming it works out. For me, I'll choose my pony OC, Chance.
Step 2: Shipping
Shipping can create quite a few problems if you don't have a good reason for that pairing. If it's just two random ponies or pony x random creature, it probably won't work out. Blueblood x Big Mac? 
Nnope. So for me, I'd pair up with Twilight.
Step 3: Relationship
Here's a clichè: One night stands turn into a huge relationship. I hate that. Sex does NOT make a relationship, get it through your thick skulls. (Directed at those who have done this) You have to have a basis for a relationship. For me, it's a month of knowing Twilight and living in her house/library. Also, me, Twilight, and Spike are best friends. How can you beat that? I can talk to Spike about anything, and he wouldn't be too upset.
Now that you have those 3 steps done, you can start writing.
I trotted downstairs and found that Twilight was reading a book, as usual. I walked over to the table she was sitting at, and asked, "Whatcha doing, Twilight?"
She replied by closing her book, setting it on the table, and saying, "Just finished studying. Do you need something?"
I was stunned. How is it that she finished? I thought. She never finished studying before when I came down for something. "No, I don't. I was actually...kinda sorta wondering if you'd like to...go somewhere to have dinner tonight?" I asked with a hoof behind my head.
A simple start to a simple relationship.
Twilight thought for a second. "Sure, I haven't been outside for a couple of days. And I'll go anywhere with a friend. So, where and when do you want to go?"
Well, at least I asked her to dinner. 
"Cool. Um, how about The Four Seasons at 5:00?"
"Sounds good to me." Twilight smiled at me, and I could swear my heart stopped for a second.
I gulped. My fur started to become damp with sweat. Why am I nervous about this? We know each other a lot. I shouldn't be nervous, I should be excited! "Alright, it's a date."
Twilight looked at me with concern. "Um, Chance? Are you alright? You look nervous about something."
"I-it's nothing," I replied. "I'm alright. I just need to go upstairs for a few minutes." I then trotted upstairs, sweating profusely.
See? Everything's going quite swimmingly.
I'll write more of the story in the next blogs if you'd like me to finish it up.
lol
I say keep going. Tutorials are always handy for people who don't quite know what they're doing.
2258203 My thoughts exactly (it may even teach me how to write clop since I only read the stories.)
2258208
A tip from me, since I've actually done clop. Description is everything, as well as characterization.
Make sure your story has a rock-solid foundation before you do any kind of clop; if the sex doesn't have background, people aren't gonna care much. Just write the story to the best of your ability, and treat it as an honest-to-God piece of work you'd really be proud of.
As a clop writer whose stories have all been featured on Equestria After Dark... Lol. This blog is hilariously ironic.
2258215 in other words, anything that doesn't make Rainbow Dash sound like she's just sitting in a vibrating chair, right? After reading that story, I don't think I'll make that kind of mistake.
2258234
Give it feeling, yeah. Beyond that, you just have to learn from writing it yourself. Give it the same kind of attention you'd give any other story, and be sure to run it by a few editors and proofreaders.
And if it stars an OC, by God, don't just let them sit there and be a blank slate. Give them the proper background they need before any clop happens.
2258257 I'm actually reading an excellent clop story. It's more of a romance novel than anything, but it's an excellent guide for me. If I like the story I used for the tutorial, I may submit it as a clopfic.
2258267
All the power to ya. Just be careful, aye? Do the fic real justice, and don't hold back.
How to write clop properly
Step 1) Use Discord as the main character
Step 2) Have Discord suck cock
Step 3) You win
2258229
Getting featured on EqAD is something to brag about? How about that.
2258286
Where's the "facehoof" icon? Oh, here it is. >_(\
Well above all else you should focus on writing a story. That means communicating what you've got in your head as something understandable by someone reading, because for good or bad we still don't have telepathic mind reading as a widely available skill.
Knowing basic structure, understanding your goal of writing something; is there a purpose for a character's action? Dialogue? What is the character aiming to get/accomplish? What's standing in a character's way? What does the character do to overcome/escape/get around the obstacle?
You can expand or narrow the above for all story needs, whether it's an adventurer getting to a prized artifact by negotiating with the locals, beating up the bad guys, and escaping the temple's traps; or that very same adventurer spending the night with the beautiful/handsome princess/prince by wooing with their words, getting all up in his/her strange, and slipping away from the content royal's bed before the first light in the morning.
2258360
Yes, that was the joke.
2258440
omg I'm talking to para
2258458
silence peasant
2258459
nuh uh. You forgot the magic spank~
2258229 I actually used to like that site. Then they fucked it up.
How to write clop:
1. Use a racy image for your story
2. Pick popular characters
3. Exert absolutely no effort and watch it get featured
2261361 seems legit