Have I lost it? · 11:57pm Jun 26th, 2014
I've been trying to avoid this question that's been beating around my mind ever since I left for Trotcon. But I continue to look at these blog posts and my responses to stories and the answer is becoming more and more painfully clear to me as 'Yes.'
I left the site for a year to back off, maybe find another way to express myself and my love for the fandom and show that is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, but all other aspects don't fit my skill set.
Artist? - I can barely make stick figures that have a semblance of humanity to them.
Voice Acting? - I really want to do that, but I have no money to buy a decent microphone and even then, I can't be sure if anyone would want my services at that point.
Animating? - That's like 5 times the concept of Artist and I don't even have the programs to do it.
Fanfiction? - Yes. I can write. I believe myself to be a hell of a writer. I believe myself as someone that tries his hardest to make things that are fun and entertaining to more than myself. I can make blogs and open myself up to an entire world to my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
But as I've seen... the world isn't listening to a word I say.
It's so frustrating to see yourself floundering in a world of popular authors or at least respected authors. LOOK AT Doctor Horrible is Adorable! Look at the thumbs ups and favorites! THAT WAS ME! I DID THAT! I made over one hundred people look at it and say that it was good!
Now look at The Journeymare Project...
Now look at The Ponies of TOME...
Now look at Double Dragon: Shadow over Equestria...
You get the picture? All of those were recent projects and none of them have a single punch like how 'Doctor Horrible is Adorable' had.
Am I crazy? Should I just... give up?
I don't know what my answer is, but the longer I stay, the more the inevitability sinks in...
2237157 A few of those hit home, I'll give you that. However, its not just the numbers or people that follow my work that unnerves me. It's the fact that when I knew people I could talk with them. I had friends... to an extent anyway. It made me feel like I belonged, and that's what I appreciated the most over anything else.
Now I don't have that level of banter anymore. All I get are the small pieces of comments that say they liked what I did and then things go quiet again.
I can remember a time when I logged into the site when the Train Wreck Explorers had become a revolution to this site and finding something fresh and exciting almost every day. When the group left, we kept in touch. We were united. We were friends.
Now the Skype group chat that we had is now empty. The people I got to talk and laugh with are either gone or just don't want to talk with me anymore.
I just feel... alone, ya know?
2237386 Thanks, really.
I get what you're saying, I really do. You see, I went through something similar when I first started out here. It even got so bad that I deleted my first fic from the site. But don't give up hope. There are people that read your stuff. In fact, you can now count me among your readers as well!
In my opinion, the trick is to find a niche or category that interests and is popular. Sure there's a lot of well written obscure stuff, but it stays obscure because it's in a very very small group of interest. I mean look at my story Apples and Wheat it's a Spice and Wolf crossover and I've somehow gotten 1k likes I never even thought it'd get that kind of attention. It's mediocre dribble in my opinion. Then there's the other stuff I've written and it's barely gotten any attention.
Point being, this fandom's attention is a fickle and strange beast, but it can be worked with.
And yes getting that much positive attention on a single story terrifies me.
There is nothing that binds a fandom together. We are all just random guys that like MLP, and while it's somewhat nice that we can bond over something so "trivial" as a TV show, it's nothing that will give you the kind of bonds that you seem to be looking for.
Maybe you should put the ponies aside for a moment, and see if there's something else which you want to commit yourself too?
Work, charity, sports, some kind of goal that is only dependent on yourself (and yes, I'm aware how unhelpfull this sounds; spent enough time drifting myself, as it is).
Whatever you do for MLP, it will be nothing that lasts, or brings about some kind of change, aside from maybe swaying the opinion of the internets for a few minutes. The only "fullfillment" it can offer you is self-improvement as an author (and this just means that you are better at writing, it only has an marginal effect on your success).
Treat it as what it is, some guys enjoying talking about their favourite show, but don't make it the focus of your life, it CAN'T be that.