Feedback! I need it!

So yea, as you can see I've made my first story (even though it's only average) and I would like for a little bit of feedback, not just a plain "I didn't like your story" or "I liked your story" I want you guys to tell me what you thought of the characters, what you think should happen, or just questions, since I can't write this story just based on my opinion, I need feedback! And I would like a little bit now.

End of short blog.