"Fear of Falling" update and a request for my readers

I'd like to ask your help with something, but first:

I have on my drive right now two partial drafts. The first is a "Falling" rewrite with extended backstory and improved atmosphere

==
Fluttershy tried again, speaking louder. "Miss Morningsky wanted me to give you your papers, you see..."

Dash gave no answer. She continued her steady clip-clop past ponies' back doors.

They passed doors and trash cans on their left and a low safety rail on their right. Pegasi built their front porches facing the sky, on the outer walls of their homes. The inside of the oval-shaped apartment building was ringed with walkways for heavy deliveries and ponies who, like Fluttershy, couldn't fly. The space in the middle was good for playing skyball, and the shouts of several older fillies and colts doing just that echoed off the walls.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm-"

"Look, Buttersky." Rainbow stopped and turned. "I get that you're the teacher's pet and it's your 'special job' to check up on me, but just stop it, okay?"

Fluttershy stood still a moment, bewildered by Dash's glare. "Why aren't you coming to school?" she finally asked.

"Fine," said Dash. "Go ahead and laugh." She flared her wings.

The trailing edges of her wings were missing their usual feathers. In their place, a set of steely blue-gray spikes sprouted from the meat of her wings, evenly spaced. They looked almost like claws.

"Moulting?" said Fluttershy. "But you can still come to school when you're moulting."
==

The second is called "Angle of Attack."

==
"Something about broken hearts and buying things?" It was a lame defense, but Rarity's anger took Dash by surprise. Something told her she wasn't going to get her questions answered. Not by her and Fluttershy's mutual, now-irate friend.

"I said 'break it and you buy it - that goes for hearts as well,' but I meant you were to console her, not- not bed her, you stupid, stupid pony."

Rainbow Dash could have pointed out that she woke up in the guest bedroom. Alone. Feeling great, yes. And something happened, yes, but it didn't count. Probably.

But she didn't feel like explaining herself to Rarity, justifying what she did with her best friend since forever to some overdramatic, prissy, know-it-all drama queen who, at that moment, seemed to be looking around for a branch to box Dash over the head with.

Because backrubs didn't count, and even if they did, it wouldn't be Rarity's business anyway. Dash might have been being a bit spiteful, too - but she didn't give a flying feather.

~ ~ ~

Night had fallen outside Fluttershy's cottage, and the guest bedroom was lit by two stout candles on the night-stands, their orange wax glowing from deep inside. On one table, a brazier held some kind of incense, which smelled like vanilla and other things - Dash wasn't sure what, but they were very relaxing.

The bed had been cleared of its covers, and Dash lay in the center, freshly bathed, her face buried in the valley between two pillows. Her forelegs were - as instructed - relaxed along either of her flanks, and a sheet lay across her croup just above her hips, covering her hind legs and tail, which were similarly extended and relaxed.

Fluttershy set her hindquarters on a short couch to the left of the bed. From there, she stretched her head up to Dash's ears and spoke. Her right forehoof lay softly on the base of Dash's neck.

Rainbow Dash couldn't actually see any of this. Fluttershy had told her: "Close your eyes and relax." But she had seen the layout of the room before she lay down, and could feel her new marefriend's hoof and breath. Her imagination filled in the rest of the scene as Fluttershy's soft narration continued.

"Now, this might be a teeny bit uncomfortable at first, but that should go away. If something actually hurts, say `ouch,` and I'll go lighter. Now, take a deep breath."

Dash did so. Her wings shifted against her body, and Fluttershy's hoof rode her rising spine.
==

So, rewrite and sequel soon. I have another iron in the fire:

A showcase for the best of FiMFiction. I'd like to ask you to consider prereading for it.

I also did a story to practice emotion and atmosphere. You might like it; it's about the CMC and little things that mean a lot. "Watching Paint Dry"

Comments

[Karrakaz]

While it's not the best written story I've ever read, I very much enjoyed the amount of emotion you managed to bring to the fore.

Looking forward to that sequel.