I feel like it's over for me... · 11:50pm May 10th, 2014
I feel empty. Alone. A vacant place in my soul physically pains me.
I'm a terrible person: not good at friendship, not good at romance, not good at working, not good at writing, a liar, a cheat, a manipulator, a WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE!!!
It's... hard now.
It's painful to continue. I feel empty, as stated in the beginning.
I broke down today. I think I finally snapped.
I just cried. I cried on my floor and loved it. The hatred I receive from others hurts me, but sustains me.
Yet, I'm afraid that the hurt is too strong. I want to be hated, I want to be a horrible person, I want to just... God, I don't know...
I'm sorry, for this overwhelming spurt of depression that has sprung from me. Forgive me for taking up your time.
I... I'm lost now. I have little to live for, now.
I feel that I'm a terrible friend, since I jokingly tease them, but I never know if they realize I'm really joking.
I'm a terrible student, never handing in anything on time, thus leading me to be "urged to try harder" and I'm pretty sure that's their version of saying "You suck".
I have practically failed my family, as I lie to them daily and do everything wrong when around them. I don't think I'm sounding rude, but it turns out I am.
I have no faith in sustaining a relationship, as I'm irresponsible and lazy, but that's how I am.
I love how people are always saying to "be yourself" yet they kill your spirit once you do! THE FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!
You know... why am I fucking here? Why?
MY WRITING IS ABSOLUTE SHIT!!! WHY DO YOU READ IT?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!
I... I'm done with this blog now. I'm sorry for taking up your time.
Hoping for Purpose,
-- Perceptive Key
I don't know anything about you outside your fic LOST little Ponies but I can say a few things:
1) Your writing isn't shit, at least what I have read. Perfect? No, but it is solid and as an English major reading a ton of stories I have seen some of the best and worst writing out there.
2) As someone who just went through a similar state of mind (and place in life) I have some advice: tell someone close to you what you have told us. For me it was my friends and they are helping me pull my life together.
You already have a good start on improving your life. If you are willing to admit you have problems then there are two steps left: asking for help (because trust me it isn't something you can pull off on your own) and two slowly working on improving. I do mean slowly, anyone who says it will be a quick or easy fix is lying or selling something. Just stick with it and while things might not turn out perfect in the end, they will get better.