I don't know if there is much point in this...but what the hell · 12:26am Mar 29th, 2014
I understand that I don't have many followers, but this is still properly the best way of contacting people I truly trust, or at least people who are willing to here me out.
I'm just gonna jump right into it, I have been suffering form depression and acute insomnia caused by stress (mainly) for years now (5 I think) and I have just sat back and not told anyone, let people walk all over me, be the punchline of every ones jokes, be a punching bag, it sucks (for lack of better words that are used in polite conversation) and because of this I have done may things I now half regret, I have self harmed quite allot in the past, leaving me with a rather scared arm, and I have had 4 attempts on my life, and the only reason I didn't go though with it is because the effect I thought it would have on the people around me, the few friends I had that didn't do anything to me.
all of that took place in secondary school, and I am now in collage (I'm English so that means it started when I was 11 and I am now near enough 17) and I thought all of this crap would stop when I got to collage, I thought people would mature and stop being bullies, but unfortunate, I couldn't have been more wrong, I am still the punch line, I am still every ones bitch, I hate it. and on top of all of that, i have the constant nagging feeling that my 'friends' don't even want to be around me, they find me annoying, my 'friend' frequently calls me depressing, he is one of the ones making me feel like this, in fact all of my 'friends' are.
I no longer feel the need to get up in the morning, I find it physical difficult, I have slipped back into depression after being happy for a couple of months, all I do is get up, fail at collage, get ridiculed, and not sleep, I don't want to keep going like this.
Thanks for acknowledging this post.
Holy shit why didn't you tell me?!
Ok, obviously, we need to talk...
1962720 Talking is good, I can talk...
I hear you... and i feel your pain. i know personally its not easy being everyone's punching bag when it comes to harsh words. you see i come from a vary judgmental and critical family, so i know what its like to be put down, told your basically worthless, to be treated like you mean nothing, and to be made fun off and mocked, but what hurt the most for me is that it came from my own family, my own siblings. i never had any friends to turn to, I've lived in my neighborhood for 17 years now and theirs no one i can call friend because everyone is either done up on drugs or is just unpleasant to be around, the way i looked at it is, if having friends meant surrounding myself with others that would criticize me and back stab me at first chance they got... i was better off alone. and though the long rout can be more profitable in my opinion i would never suggest it to someone.
what helped me to stop that was, i couldn't change the world around me nor the people that are in it... but i could change myself. i knew what i wanted and wanted to become and i knew what hurt me, so i used that as my motivation. i knew that if i wanted things to change, it started with me. i can't control what others do or think, but i can control myself... "If you can't change the way others act, then change the way you react." people can only hurt you if you let them, there words can only penetrate you if you give it them the chance, so don't give it that chance. if you really want this pain and this life to stop, don't try to change it, change yourself, try looking at things from different views, look back and learn from your past and the mistakes you've made, but don't let it hurt you, but let it strengthen you for the next time something like that happens again you'll be ready. the past is the past and only holds pain if you do. theirs no point having regrets over the past, you can't change it, so you might as well get up, learn what you can, and move on. its like the saying "theirs no point crying over spilled milk" because its already happen, its in the past and theirs nothing you can do to change it, so accept that it happen, clean up, learn form your mistakes, and let it go. you can't carry or hold on to all that pain and the things that hurt you, that doesn't get you anywhere. you have to come to a point and tell yourself your done carrying these burdens, and let them go, all there doing is slowing and making it harder for you to walk, so take off that harness and stop dragging them behind you. but don't forget them and act like they never happened, but accept them that they did, once that is done learn all that you can from them and carry that knowledge with you because it will add you in the long term. you can't run from the past nor should you carry it, you need to accept it happen, learn what you can and move forward, because walking is going to be extremely hard Intel you do.
I know life can be hard, I have dealt with depressing things in my life, but it's important to get back up after the fall. It's good that when you have suicidal thoughts, you think of the people it would effect. But if you quit collage you cannot move on, you might succeed in doing so, but it will only happen if you realize the beautiful things in life. What I'm saying is that if you let these things pull you down, it will only be harder to pull through them. And if your friends still talk behind your back, get new ones and leave the past behind, even if it's tough. These new friends might help you through this journey, but you can't leave anything to them. But I hope you can pull through this and see the light, I wish you the best of luck.
Almost 17? Srsly? I keep incorrectly figuring various people's ages around here for at least a couple years older than they are for some reason. That could mean you guys are intelligent above average. To the point though, you shouldn't feel so bad at any age and I'm sorry to hear that.
Think about what you want to do in the future. Those negative people aren't going to stop you. In fact, you may want to try meeting other people if your false friends are giving you hell.
Are you physically capable of gym exercises? I've found since I started running/jogging and using weights last year I feel less susceptible to people's bull$hit for some reason. Perhaps it is some mind-body coordination thing.
I'm also an insomniac at times, but try to meditate and your mind can go other places in the galaxy if you are successful.
Try various hobbies. I actually go looking for coins and valuables left in public places. I've lost count but probably found over 20-something US dollars worth of change in like six months.
Hopefully something I came up with helps. Give Pinkie's Smile song a listen!
1963205 Believe me, 1962723 is VERY smart.
1963205 Thanks for the advise, i will be sure to try the suggestions, i aprisiate it
1963063 Thank you, I would be glad to leave those 'friends' behind and start a new, but i'm not really good at making new friends, but i will be sure to try
1962894 That makes so much sense, thank you for that, it really helped
Thank you to every one who commented on this thread, all of you have helped me so much, and the amazing thing is, most of you (bar one) i have never spoken to before, the kindness of this fandom will never cease to amaze me
1967448
Yer welcome, if you ever need anything, ah'm always open.
Stay strong and safe friend, take care...
PS:also you can thank Silver Melodies for that, he's the one that made it known and told us you needed help. you should really thank him.
1967513 Oh don't worry i have thanks Silver Melodies
And thanks for the offer, i will keep you in mind if anything happens, or i just need to talk
1967524
Good, ah'm always willing
1967580 Good to know
Its a nice feeling knowing people care about you
1967663
It is, and ah do