The Errors of Clarity, and the Clarity of Errors. · 6:18am May 20th, 2012
Well, that's another one done: Clarity is finished. All together it probably took me even longer than The Colour You Bleed to write, but for a very different reason.
Lately I've been thinking a fair bit about that reason, in fact. Presumptuous as it is, I think a few of my conclusions are worth sharing - they might be able to help some of you avoid similar mistakes.
Yes, I'll make that clear: I consider Clarity to be a mistake. There are individual parts that I enjoyed writing, and the result of, to be certain. However on the whole, I cannot help but look back on the story and think, "I did this all wrong." That's the true reason for the delay of several months between chapter 1 and two, and even for the break between chapter 2 and 3, which I could have had out within the same week. I've pondered, ruminated, even given it some though, and I've come to realize just what it is that I did wrong.
I am not, as a rule, a planner. I begin my stories with a skeleton plot; a basic notion of the theme with no thought given to the connecting events. I find that this allows me to have a great deal of freedom, and allow the story to evolve naturally as it progresses. In fact, the major theme of redemption and what it means to be good or bad in TCYB was not decided until we had met White Brook. The mere act of writing allows me to plan ahead and get a feel for what would be good, in a way that I simply couldn't if I had it all planned out from the start.
However, as basic a skeleton plot as it had, TCYB still HAD that skeleton plot. I knew from the beginning that the story would be about Blurblood suffering, then becoming better. I knew from the start I wanted to put him through the wringer, thought the details were sparse. Clarity had nothing of the sort. The honest-to-goodness truth of Clarity is that I sat down at my computer in a foul mood and began to write. I vented a few issues I had at the time, and it formed into something that could have been a story. Foolishly, I decided to attempt to continue it - to promise a second chapter.
I tried occasionally over the dry spell, or at least tried to think about it. Try as I might however, nothing would come out. I managed to suss out the idea of Sunny feeling like he was not in charge of his life, but it was ultimately too vague to work with effectively. I was forcing the story out, and in fact I had to completely re-write chapter 2 once because there was simply no point. I was writing it for the sake of writing it, not because I cared.
That is, ultimately, the mistake of Clarity. I was not inspired to write it, I simply decided to. TCYB had time to stew in my mind before I wrote it, as did My Time Among Clothes Hangers. Both stories I already had developed characters and good ideas, and most importantly in both cases I CARED about some element of the story. Clothes Hangers for me was about finding context through Pokey, and TCYB became a personal challenge, and an exercise in clarifying and expressing my stranger and less mundane beliefs. All of my other stories as well, each of them held some element of passion for me. It didn't have to be a theme that struck me deeply, just so long as there was an emotion I wanted to create, a story I wanted to tell. Clarity was something I was writing because I felt obligated too.
And there's the trick: It really shouldn't have been. Because the thing is, I do care about what I came upon in the last chapter of Clarity. By the time I got there the story was too far gone. I had caught my rhythm, but it steered me away from the story I had.
This is the second major flaw of Clarity: clumsy theme. This is different from the fact that I didn't start off with a theme or idea, this is the fact that doing so kept me from properly executing a theme that I wanted. You see, I often use music as a means of inspiration. Normally this is just mood music, something to get to in the proper emotional mindset to write a specific scene, or to help me create an effect. I listened to the soundtrack of Dreamworks' Joseph: King of Dreams and Prince of Egypt during the writing of Blueblood's tenure as a slave, for example, as well as metal for the final battle with Iron. Sometimes, however, the music itself can inspire me to an idea. I believe that, unconsciously, this is what happened as I wrote Clarity.
During the first chapter was listening to a lot of punk music, in particular Blink 182's latest album. Some Punk, as you may know, places a heavy importance on rebellion, and I think that this comes through in the story - Sunny rebels by running away from home.
This is where the error begins. You see, I ignore with the basic philosophy of teen rebellion - that is, living for yourself. However the way that it was demonstrated in what I was listening to at the time it was ultimately useless rebellion. It never went anywhere, it just spiraled around in impotent rage. This too, I think is reflected. Sunny doesn't even know WHY he ran away, much less what he truly wants; he lived in a state of fear and panic, completely unaware of any way he might change himself for the better.
No, ultimately the theme that I wanted wasn't rebellion, though I had at first convinced myself of this. the them I wanted was Agency. The control of oneself. Adventure, moving forward every day, living for you passion. In the third chapter I finally hit that. Sunny became aware that he didn't want to go home because he didn't like being controlled, but he ultimately went back. when he did, it was with the knowledge that he would make his own way. He was in the arms of his oppressors, but he would stand strong.Baby steps.
In and of itself this is an interesting idea; it's a progression of maturity. His rebellion seems like a leap, and it feels important, but it's ultimately stationary. He matures and learns to strive, so that while it may seem like he's doing nothing, he's making more progress than he ever did in rebellion. It's interesting on it's own, but it's too little too late. The story wasn't about his maturity, so the theme becomes disjointed and feels flawed.
To put it simply, the problems with Clarity are twofold: the lack of a solid idea from the beginning leaves the events feeling haphazard and random, and the gradually shifting theme leaves it without a solid thread of subtext. It's unstable on most levels, ultimately. Is it enough to make it BAD? Maybe not. But it;s enough to make me look on it as a failure, albeit an educational one.
I want to try again some day, I think. Not right away, of course, but someday. I'd like to take the idea and make it stronger, write it with the theme of agency well in mind from the get go. It's a bit funny, but I already have the idea - this mere notion is already leaps and strides ahead of what Clarity was. Of course, I won't merely be retreading old territory here. This will be a completely different story - different cast, different plot, different ideas. Only the theme will remain intact, and it will be so refined it may well be incomprehensible. I'd like it to be musically inspired as well - The work of Noah and The Whale was a great help in catching my stride with Clarity's final chapter, after all. So, yes. someday, I will return to the concept of Clarity and do it right.
In non-clarity related news, I'll be taking another somewhat breif break from writing. This one won't be so long, but it is one of necessity. I'm going to be moving very shorty, and after I do I need to be a job-hunting. for the sake of focus, while that is going on I will not be writing. The length of my hiatus depends largely on my ability to get a job - but don't worry, I'm confidant that it won't take longer than a month or two. After that, I'll be back to work on my next story as much as I can manage.
Huh.
I typed a lot on what I think makes a story strong and how I was interested in your writing style but completely missed the point of your blog post . . .
You clearly understand the mistakes you made.
It takes a good amount of hindsight to see where your faults lie in writing. Good luck with the job search and be well.
I can only hope getting a job won't take you those looooong two months :). Whichever story you decide to write ('Aloan chronicles' ?) I am sure will be another masterpiece of yours that we will love to read!
Happy job hunting, Great Grandmaster Kegisak!
Good thoughts. I could tell you really discovered something in that last chapter that I didn't feel was there before. There are certainly some things worth saving from it; there's enough there to like that I love it dearly. Some of Sunny's lines from his rant about his parents and their lack of acceptance will literally not leave my head, even after a day, and that rarely happens to me with fanfiction.