A sad example of poor taste. · 10:44pm Mar 19th, 2014
So, a little while ago I read a story called "Useless?" and left a critique on it. This has led to me receiving an email in my google email files that is... well honestly wrought with grammatical errors, but kind of makes me sad for whoever sent it. Not just because it's a crazy bitch fit, but because the guy went through my blog files, found the link for when I invited everyone to watch me scribble down the next chapter for AERW, then used that to figure out my google email and send hate to me.
Anyway, here is my critique(you don't have to read it, it's just here for reference. Scroll past it if you want.)
Okay, so I haven't given this story a like, and I'm not going to dislike it either. Now am I going to pretend to be the best writer/editor in the world? No, but I have to point out some issues that others haven't quite covered.
First, it is very easy for ponies to be extremely optimistic, especially as a kid. The issue here is that as optimistic as one can be, ponies(and ponies) are not one dimensional. They can't just be super optimistic all the time and not have a single negative thought. That being said, your OC did have negatives thoughts, but they were few and far between and happened extremely sparingly. This makes for a somewhat bland, one dimensional character. I'm a glass half full kind of pony and a lot of ponies don't ever see my not happy, but I too have crippling moments of doubt or sorrow about sometimes trivial things. Your OC had sorrowful moments, but they were all immediately self-pity based, and self pity is a frustrating thing to try and empathise with due to how often ponies blow there problems out of proportion on a day to day basis.(Meaning that when somepony does have the right to pity themselves ponies don't often agree)
Second is that you dive bomb the 'feels' without any sort of build up or back ground story telling. It's a "My dad is mean, sad face, my mom doesn't help, sad face, my 'friends' are mean too, sad face, isn't my life terrible, but oh, it's not because I'm happy and stuff, aren't I brave and strong?" without truly showing much outside of a character blatantly ignoring the obvious on both a physical and mental scale. Which in turn goes right back to that singular dimension.
Now, on that note, you can definitely do a 'straight for the feels' story, but there has to be a motive and some story telling. A "I love a princess so I jumped in front of a spear and died because I loved her and now I'm dead.' story is painfully flat, but taking a less direct/immediate approach, such as "I fell in love with a princess of another kingdom. It was stupid, I'm sure, but my queen lied to me, lied to all of us, and nearly brought our nation to ruin. I couldn't let her ruin another kingdom either. So here I am now, lying at the hooves of the princess I started to love and have saved. Hopefully I can say that maybe, just maybe, my actions as the last of my nation will prove to history we weren't all monsters, that one of us tried to do good. She's smiling at me now, and she's crying. I didn't want to make her cry. She's smiling still, and storking my head... I don't feel her hooves though, and I'm so tired..." and you have something you can mold. It gives you a flexibility to work with without revealing everything in the base plot line. That, in turn, allows revelations about characters and offers growth on a scale you just wouldn't manage with a story based on the first example.
Right now you have a 'I'm happy because I chose to be happy even though all logic means I should be sad and responsible adults ignore things responsible adults wouldn't ignore and my dad drinks so he is mean and I'm different so the kids at school are mean, but I'm happy because I'm happy.'
I'm not saying the idea was bad, in fact the idea behind this story is something I don't see often. It's just the story telling could use work and it seemed bland and unsurprising to me and I feel it needs work.
I don't say this to be mean, but to encourage you to work more on these points, as well as the points that other's have made, and to write something that is going to turn heads, not just for the 'feels effect', but the whole 'this is a damn good story ' effect.
So nothing vicious, just pointing out things that need worked on. Anyway, here's my wonderful email(without the address, because I won't have counter-flaming going on.)
you fucking faggot you think you're so fucking cool because you do the fictions to! well just because you do fictions doesnt make you super god better than anyon else!
you have no rite to talk shit about other guys storys just because you think your better than they are! you should die in a fucking hole, useless is a great stroy and your just jelless that you cant do any better! fucking die faggot!
Not only is it a poorly written response, I don't really see the point of it. Anyway, thoughts? Maybe tell me how you guys respond to critique? Whatevs, I just sorta found this humorous.
Try replying with impossibly happy replies, like: "Why thank you, I know I'm a gay retarded faggot that should die, but you have to understand, I'm trying to be nice and helpful."
1939858 Well for that in particular I'm not going to reply to. I blocked his address since it was a personal email address of mine.
Though I would have probably just laughed and ignored it anyway. I found the message both sad and humorous, mostly that someone thinks they can make me feel insulted over the internet.
1939866 But the opinions of strangers on the internet are what really matter, not the people you know in real life, screw them, they can all suck a cunt knuckle.
1939874
Besides, I've got a boyfriend who already knows how everything ticks in my head, so I'm fairly content how I am. Though if this guy showed up at my house to flip shit on me I would laugh, then probably wallop him across the back of his head.
Still, I just kind had this response
when I read it and figured I would share.
For some reason, it feels like the person who wrote that email watched too much "Arby and the Chief". It almost looks and sounds like something 'Master Chief' would say but a little more poorly said (written).
1940128 Never seen Arby and the Chief, but if that's how one of the characters talks it sound kinda dumb, no offense intended to you of course.
1940141 None taken, I watched it cause it was all the rage and it did have it's funny moments. But that's no excuse for poor grammar on a humans part. There is such a thing as spell check and anyone who really types like, “lololololol u r a fagot & u suck kaca & like fagoti ponis lolololololol”, mustn’t be that intelligent in the first place.
1940164 Nah, proli not, cus dey is feggety fegs det lik to suk de big kok.
Oh dear god, it hurt me just to type that as a joke.
1940170
To be honest I think it might make more sense to say whether or not he normally does this to critique on his story, he could well have just had a really shitty day (or month) and needed to vent.
Of course that doesn't excuse this kind of behaviour but there might be a reason other than he's just a complete dickwad as to why he did this, seeing the best in people and all that...
EDIT: After looking at (what I assume is) his story it seems he's not usually like that, I think you should reply and just see if he's alright.
1941112 Oh, he isn't the writer i dont think. The writer responded to my comment positively in the comment section.
1941414
Oh, I misunderstood, I apologize. I mostly retract my previous statement then and replace it with "Dickbags will be dickbags", pity we have to put up with them....
Total creeper (you don't know) sticking his nose in here...
Report him to the admins, problem solved!
1944570 Haha, ah but I don't know whose account the email was linked to. I could be reporting an email that isn't even connected to the site, which they couldn't do anything about.
1944570 Haha, ah but I don't know whose account the email was linked to. I could be reporting an email that isn't even connected to the site, which they couldn't do anything about.