A note on perspective changes. · 3:55pm Feb 27th, 2014
I've read a few stories recently that make the annoying, if only slightly, mistake of switching perspectives for a paragraph or even a sentence within a paragraph before jumping back to the previous perspective. An example follows...
Luna watched her sister sitting upon the golden throne. Her bearing never faltered from that infuriating placidity that she always wore when in public. Since Luna's return, she'd even worn it the few times they spent in private conference, always maintaining her guarded facade, afraid to let her now returned sister into her confidence.
The bold section is a peak into Celestia's motivations. It is presented in such a way that it comes from the narrator rather than the character (in this case Luna). What that means is that the perspective shifted for that tiny fraction of a moment. This isn't something that will ruin a story, most readers won't even realize it is happening. But that isn't the problem. The problem is that it makes it seem like those are Luna's thoughts and that she is right. Whether or not that is true for the story isn't important either. What is important is that it is a missed opportunity to add in doubt and the possibility that Luna is wrong. Here is what should be written...
Luna watched her sister sitting upon the golden throne. Her bearing never faltered from that infuriating placidity that she always wore when in public. Since Luna's return, she'd even worn it the few times they spent in private conference, always maintaining her guarded facade, seemingly (or apparently or as though) afraid to let her now returned sister into her confidence.
Do you see the difference? The addition of qualifiers not only preserves the perspective, but adds the acknowledgement that Luna may not know what the real cause is, which in turn allows the reader to wonder if she is right and adds just a little bit of extra tension.
Anyway, that was just a thought I wanted to share.
-Count Honigwein Von Beinehaus the Third
P.S. - Strange things are done under the midnight sun by the men who toil for gold.
Hey, I've been getting better! Thanks mostly to your endless smacking me over the head with the perspective change when I do what you describe in this blog.