So, I finished Madoka (Major Spoilers. If you haven't seen the series and intend to, I'd skip this)

Like the title says, MAJOR SPOILERS Don't read if you haven't seen Madoka.
I've spoiler-tagged everything the best I could, but still.

My hands are still shaking.

I just...can't.

I'll just some of the Steam messages I sent to my cousin explain it...

Purple Pimptastic: In other news, it's taken me 15 days to get from Madoka episode 7 to episode 8.
theblackscythe: LOOOOOL
Purple Pimptastic: I work at the pace of a Soviet bureaucrat.
theblackscythe: or an arstotskan bureaucrat
Purple Pimptastic: 13 people per day, from a queue of hundreds.
theblackscythe: LOOOOL
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, I got a question for you.
Purple Pimptastic: Is it just me, or does the Madoka BGM sound really fucking similar to the Nier soundtrack?
theblackscythe is now Away.
Purple Pimptastic: Holy crap, Homura is showing an emotion that isn't "restrained annoyance at everybody around her."
theblackscythe is now Online.
theblackscythe: it does a little actually
Purple Pimptastic: I remember the first time I heard one of the songs, and I was like "What the shit?! This is Nier music!"
theblackscythe: fucking love nier
Purple Pimptastic: I like the soundtrack a lot, and the story.
theblackscythe: nier? or madoka?
Purple Pimptastic: I never got to play it though. My brother played it and sold it when he needed money.
Purple Pimptastic: Nier.
theblackscythe: what do you think of madoka?
Purple Pimptastic: It's getting darker and darker every second.
theblackscythe: #yeah
Purple Pimptastic: So I, being the emotional fucking vampire I am, have latched right onto it.
Purple Pimptastic: I'm almost done with 8.
theblackscythe: sweetness
theblackscythe: The animation is FUCKING NUTS
theblackscythe: experimental as shit
theblackscythe: love it
Purple Pimptastic: It does provide hell of a contrast between the real world and witch world.
theblackscythe: its like if Tim Burton was an anime freak
Purple Pimptastic: The first time I saw it, I was like "What the fuck am I even looking at."
theblackscythe: #yeah
Purple Pimptastic: "I've commited multiple genocides, and this is freaking me out."
Purple Pimptastic: "I fucked a shoggoth, and this is filling my mind with fuck."
theblackscythe: this is making me taste the smells
theblackscythe: and hear the colours
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: You got past Episode 8, right?
theblackscythe: yes
Purple Pimptastic: ...
theblackscythe: why?
Purple Pimptastic: Did Sayaka just become a witch.
Purple Pimptastic: -Licks his emotional fangs- Oh boy, this is gonna get interesting.
theblackscythe: lol
Purple Pimptastic: This is gonna get REAL interesting.

Purple Pimptastic: Also, so far, I like Homura's fighting style the best.
theblackscythe: yeah, its one of the better
Purple Pimptastic: Especially with the whole "Beretta M9 I just pulled out my arse."
Purple Pimptastic: and "I found a frag grenade. Or a flashbang. Never sorted out the difference."
Purple Pimptastic: Seriously, that's just about the only thing that's annoyed me.
Purple Pimptastic: When Homura escapes from the red-haired one whose name escapes me, she produces an M26 grenade, but then it flashbangs.
theblackscythe: -_-
Purple Pimptastic: I was sitting there going "THAT WAS AN M26, NOT A FUCKING PARTY POPPER!"
theblackscythe: really?
theblackscythe: THATS what gets to you?
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, the way Mami put her guns into the ground barrel first also made me twitch.
Purple Pimptastic: I was thinking "You're gonna get dirt in them!"
Purple Pimptastic: But then I remember they were magical rifles produced from nowhere so I thought "Wait, she can just get another one."
Purple Pimptastic: I have a weird set of triggers.
Purple Pimptastic: Alright, after my rant on weapon treatment, time to go onto Episode 9 and hope that nothing else makes me go "GUN NO WORK THAT WAY Y U DO DIS." in a spastic display of fuck.
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: Homura threw a flashbang and it exploded.
theblackscythe: looool
Purple Pimptastic: Homura, do you even grenade.
Purple Pimptastic: What bizarroland is she pulling these weapons from, where:
Purple Pimptastic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/M-67Grenade.jpg
Purple Pimptastic: This is a flashband
Purple Pimptastic: *bang
Purple Pimptastic: and this:
Purple Pimptastic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/26/IDF_stun_grenade.jpg
Purple Pimptastic: Is a frag grenade.
Purple Pimptastic: #Dominiccareswaytoomuchaboutgrenadesinfiction.
Purple Pimptastic: So, I just broke my promise not to become a glorious display of fuck.
Purple Pimptastic: Right.
Purple Pimptastic: Just gonna run this by you.
Purple Pimptastic: Magical girls either die in combat or become a witch. Wow, what a marked deck.
theblackscythe: indeed
Purple Pimptastic: Question is, whose the house?
Purple Pimptastic: Guess I'm gonna find out.
Purple Pimptastic: Well, looks like QB is the house. And now Madoka's gonna get a lesson in thermodynamics from a cosmic cat motherfucker.
theblackscythe is now Away.
Purple Pimptastic: "If you ever feel like dying to help out the universe, just let me know."
Purple Pimptastic: -Spits out drink- Jesus fucking Christ, what a delightfully brutal thing to say.

Purple Pimptastic: Okay what
Purple Pimptastic: Why is Homura suddenly unable to fight, wearing glasses and not magical?
Purple Pimptastic: Why is Mami not missing the top half of herself, and why is Madoka a magical girl?
Purple Pimptastic: Wait. There was something about timelines earlier, right?
theblackscythe: yes
Purple Pimptastic: Right...
theblackscythe: WAIT!
theblackscythe: we NEED a show where Kyube does nothing but fuck with Nick Cage
Purple Pimptastic: Pffft.
Purple Pimptastic: "Make a contract with me, and I'll return your milk to the fridge."
Purple Pimptastic: "Fuck off, Kyubey."
theblackscythe: 'make a contract with me and I'll make the Iguana get off your coffe table'
theblackscythe: 'and I'll make the bees go away'
Purple Pimptastic: "Make a contract with me so you can make a contract with me so I'll call for a pizza."
Purple Pimptastic: Will I ever hear the word "contract" without thinking "Go awae qb :(" again?
theblackscythe is now Online.
theblackscythe: mo
theblackscythe: no
Purple Pimptastic: Damn, this is gonna make working in an office difficult.
Purple Pimptastic: "Dom, have you seen the new contract-"
Purple Pimptastic: "NO I'M NOT BECOMING A MAGICAL GIRL FUCK THAT"
theblackscythe: 'wait-what?. Dom wtf? have you seen the contract?'
Purple Pimptastic: "nu qb go awae"
Purple Pimptastic: ":("
Purple Pimptastic: Don't ask me how I'll pronounce ":("
Purple Pimptastic: I'll find a way.
theblackscythe: cue-bay
theblackscythe: thats how its said
Purple Pimptastic: "frownie feic"

Purple Pimptastic: Holy Christ.
Purple Pimptastic: Homura (The one with the glasses) stole a bunch of guns from a locker.
Purple Pimptastic: She's handling that Desert Eagle like a fucking champ for a 14 year old girl.
theblackscythe: indeed
Purple Pimptastic: Also, she's been through all these motions before...
Purple Pimptastic: Oh bloody hell, no wonder by the time we first see her, she's got a flat affect.
Purple Pimptastic: Also, she can make pipe bombs.
Purple Pimptastic: She searched for the instructions on the Internet.
Purple Pimptastic: Homura, you might be a time-travelling magical girl with a Deagle, but the NSA are still gonna fuck you up.
theblackscythe: getting my ass kicked in hearthstone
Purple Pimptastic: Oh right.
Purple Pimptastic: Sorry.
theblackscythe: np, its a card game i can still kinda talk
Purple Pimptastic: Oh shit, she found a SAW.
theblackscythe: lol
Purple Pimptastic: And she's handling that like a champ too.
Purple Pimptastic: Seriously, a SAW is a squad-operated weapon.
Purple Pimptastic: She must've raided a military base for that.
Purple Pimptastic: Holy fucking shit.
Purple Pimptastic: That's all I need to say. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
theblackscythe: indeed ;)
Purple Pimptastic: That isn't a "HFS" of amazement. That's a HFS of "Oh my god, that's somehow worse than immortality."
Purple Pimptastic: And then Episode 11's intro kicks in to twist the knife just that little bit further.
theblackscythe: indeed
Purple Pimptastic: Christ Homura, have you ever thought about suicide as a reasonable response to the hell that is your life?
theblackscythe: I would have killed myself at that point
theblackscythe: the show only has 12 episdoes
theblackscythe: ejoy the end
Purple Pimptastic: This is gonna get real bad, am I correct?
theblackscythe: not telling
Purple Pimptastic: Right.
Purple Pimptastic: It's not like I came in prepared for a happy ending, but let's see how far into Hell we go.

Purple Pimptastic: Holy hell, Homura's got a fuckton of AT4s.
Purple Pimptastic: Looks like she's got RPGs too.
Purple Pimptastic: Can't tell the model though.
Purple Pimptastic: Look like RPG-7s
Purple Pimptastic: And mortars, christ.
Purple Pimptastic: What the fuck, she's got battleship turrets.
Purple Pimptastic: Holy fucking shit, she's got enough ordinance to overthrow a fucking nation!
Purple Pimptastic: And I know that this is not enough.

-About 20 minutes pass-

Purple Pimptastic: Okay, I composed myself and picked my jaw up from the floor.
Purple Pimptastic: Let's do this.
Purple Pimptastic: Episode 12.
Purple Pimptastic: Depending on how this goes, I'll either be like "ASFFASFASF" or, I don't know, burst into tears at the hopelessness of it all.
Purple Pimptastic: "Homura, I'm sorry, but I'm going to become a magical girl."
Purple Pimptastic: -Bangs head on table-
Purple Pimptastic: WELP.
Purple Pimptastic: So, let's see what Madoka's planning to do.
Purple Pimptastic: Because it's probably retarded.
Purple Pimptastic: And it's gonna make Homura look a right twat.
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: So, the universe is now owned by an emotional 14 year old girl.
Purple Pimptastic: In terms of wishes, this is pretty large scale.
Purple Pimptastic: So Madoka is going to become the immortal concept of killing witches. Well.
Purple Pimptastic: Oh my God, Madoka is Jesus.
Purple Pimptastic: "No one can perceive you any longer, and likewise, you cannot interact with anyone else."
Purple Pimptastic: Excuse me if that's the most unpleasant thing I can conceive of.
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, why is everyone naked all of a sudden.
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, time to employ the "It's Totally Legal" Rule.
Purple Pimptastic: Add 5 to age of character so it's legal.
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, I know it's supposed to symbolise purity, but is this really needed?
Purple Pimptastic: Annnnd Madoka is now one with the Elder Gods.
Purple Pimptastic: Say hi to Yog-Sogoth for me.
Purple Pimptastic: "Madoka? Is that a character from some anime or something?"
Purple Pimptastic: 2meta4me
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: ...
Purple Pimptastic: Holy fuck.
Purple Pimptastic: Just...fuck.
theblackscythe is now Offline.

theblackscythe: I was thinking, somebody needs to recut attack on titan to be a laugh out loud comedy
Purple Pimptastic: ...
theblackscythe: same with madoka
Purple Pimptastic: You genius.
theblackscythe: NICOLAS CAGE PLAYING QB
Purple Pimptastic: Nicolas Cage playing Madoka.
theblackscythe: o_O
theblackscythe: you sick fuck
Purple Pimptastic: "Killing me won't bring back your Goddamn universe!"
theblackscythe: I'M A MAGICAL GIRL, I'M A MAGICAL GIRL, I'M A MAGICAL GIRL!!!
theblackscythe: :)
theblackscythe: Cage brings so much joy
Purple Pimptastic: Oh fuck me XD
Purple Pimptastic: That would be the greatest thing to ever happen.
theblackscythe: CAGE NEEDS A SITCOM WHERE EVERYBODY ELSE IS ALSO PLAYED BY NICK CAGE, EXCEPT NICK CAGE WHO IS PLAYED BY WILL SMITH!!!
theblackscythe: WORK THAT FUCKING OUT
Purple Pimptastic: Easy.
Purple Pimptastic: It'll be like that Eddie Murphy film where everyone in his family is Eddie Murphy wearing different clothes.
theblackscythe: lol
theblackscythe: ...
theblackscythe: I thought of tge best thing ever
Purple Pimptastic: Oh my god, I've got it.
theblackscythe: you will literally explode when you hear this
theblackscythe: Nick Cage in a QB costume....running up and punching a random woman
Purple Pimptastic: ...
theblackscythe: O____________________________________O
theblackscythe: I DID IT!!!
Purple Pimptastic: Would it be called "Madoka Abridged?"
theblackscythe: I GOT INTO HEAVEN!!
theblackscythe: GOD SHALL NEVER REFUSE ME!!!!
theblackscythe: I AM ABOVE SIN!!!
Purple Pimptastic: Okay, so I got all the actors we need.
Purple Pimptastic: Nic Cage as Madoka, Will Smith as Sayaka, Sean Bean as Mami, Vin Diesel as Homura and Mel Gibson as the redhead girl whose name I can't spell for the fucking life of me.
Purple Pimptastic: Who'd play QB?
theblackscythe: .....hmmmm....
theblackscythe: George Carlin?
Purple Pimptastic: He's dead though.
theblackscythe: WE'LL BRING HIM BACK!!!
Purple Pimptastic: Also I just remembered her name is Kyouko. So that's solved.
Purple Pimptastic: Leonardo DiCaprio.
Purple Pimptastic: Because QB will get a bunch of misaimed fangirls which will make every Madoka fan go "NO DON'T LOVE QB BECAUSE HE'S A BASTARD!"

For the record, I didn't forget Kyouko's name. I just forgot how to spell it.

Yes, I was very uncomfortable during the part where Madoka dies for our sins and becomes God and talks to Homura in space while they're both naked and having a bit of a cuddle. mostly because I was thinking "Oh fuck me, this is gonna look nice if the police ever take me in." Yes, I know everything was innocent, but still...

I'm...gonna need a lie down. That was definitely something.

Comments

[Divine Path]

Indeed it is.

[Typewrittensoul]