Oh, my precious ego · 10:27pm Apr 28th, 2012
Huh. EqD got back to me. The prereader was insistent on calling himself Pre-reader Self Insert. I'm not sure if it was an insult towards the story; I don't think it is. Every Night After sure as hell isn't a self insert.
His list of issues:
1: Twilight was being rude to Applejack. And I'm not sure what he meant by this, but he said: Twi is also tearing into Applejack... Just like that. And I don't understand at all, so if someone could help explain...
2: Word choice. His only example: Well instead of welt. Any others?
3: OOC Twilight.
4:Twilight has Trixie in a collar? Just to elaborate, my rebutle is: Yes. Yes she does. And none of you know why yet, and you aren't supposed to either.
He also says: Ok, I'm calling the review here. I know you said you were drawing a parallel between Nightmare Moon and Twilight, but this is beyond the pale. You've given us no justification for Twilight's behavior... she's just being downright evil.
*sigh*
Do you all want my justification? Honestly? Alrighty then, here it goes: Twilight is being a pompous asshole because of the situation she's in. And hell, you would too if you lost days of sleep, worked practically endlessly, and were afraid of having you head chopped off at the hands (hooves?) of a merciless freak who may or may not have had a whole year to plot your demise. Then, with the isolation from her friends and the separation of her and her mentor (which means a lot to her, right?) she's got to be feeling a bit lonely. And I was pretty sure I established that fairly well in the first chapter.
P.S. Parallel? Huh?
Okay, now he suggests his fixes.
[Suggested Fixes]
You must take this to Ponychan for a review. I'll caution you, I think it's going to need a hell of a lot of work. If you're going to draw the parallel you say you're going to, you really need to do a LOT more development first.
Please include a link to the review thread if you decide to resubmit.
A lot of development in the first chapter. I'm sorry, but in my opinion, he's asking me A) to rewrite the whole thing completely B) make Twilight immune to stress C) have me explain everything to you in the first chapter (on a silver platter, no less), and D) scrap the thing because it's too different.
Now for my justification of that rant - I've had a long day, am tired, and have been rather touchy all day. Though to be fair, the prereader could've at least not called himself 'self-insert'.
Any thoughts on how to improve the story, or anything about my over-sensitive rant, please speak your mind. Really, do it. I'm serious. I actually listen to you people.
Wow. I had no idea how (what's the word I'm looking for? Entitled? Biased? Elitist?) those pre-readers can be (okay, maybe I did a little, but this is... really something). It was like the whole point of the fanfic just flew over their heads, and they can't grasp that this is an "what if" story. It's even labelled an an AU, so I don't get the guy. Did he catch any spelling mistakes or had issues with the grammar, or said anything useful at all?
And who knows, maybe it's just a bad fic. Even before Mr. Self Insert sent his list of grievances, I found myself wondering if the story had any true potential at all. It'd be a lie to say I actually had hope for it when it got on the site. When I saw it had gotten the attention it did, I was astounded. And then, a bit upset to know that if I decided it truly was crap, that there was a slight chance that I might let some people down. Argh, I don't know. I may put the thing on hiatus so that I can have a bit of time to rethink it all.
90468 Nope. His only problem with the grammar or spelling was my word choice of Welt instead of Well. And I've been told they were elietish, but my past two experiences with them weren't bad. This, though, is...well, it just is.
It would seem that EqD pre-readers like their fics just so, and don't seem to be too receptive to certain things.
90470 Aren't the pre-reader's randomly chosen, or something? Maybe after a while, you could submit it again (with or without a few tweaks).
From what I hear sometimes, the only way to please certain pre-readers is to pander to them, and the story will get featured. You know, having Derpy and the Doctor shipped, Luna and a abacus, tyrant Celestia, Lyra obsessed with humans, etc.
I heard that one guy submitted his story, got rejected, he then added Derpy and the Doctor in the background, submitted it again, and it was accepted. It was even the same pre-reader.
Talk to Midnightshadow, he's was a EQD prereader for a while and may be able to help you out.
Personally I am enjoying how the story is playing out. I like how Twilight is behaving (hopefully that isn't just me),
maybe when you have a few more chapters that explain things in the story it will be accepted.
Well, I haven't read the story yet, so I can't give any specific advice. That said, let the pre-readers know that, yes, Twilight is acting OOC and that they'll get their development/justification afterwards. It's a year later from a point in the show we actually saw -- that also went differently -- so there is definitely some "development" that wasn't seen. ALSO. (Incoming mini-rant, prepare for biased opinion)
Fanon is called fanon because IT'S FANON. If it was canon, then we'd just have transcripts of episodes 1-50 as "fanfics" and that would be it. You take the universe of MLP, tweak a few things, add a different story-line, keep a control group, and BOOM - fanfic. You tweaked the season opener, so you've got a hell of a lot of wiggle room. You kept the villain and the main character as the controls (and the universe itself, something that I've seen other fics change and get away with). Also, since this deviates from episode one, Twilight doesn't have much of a character, yet. She didn't get to bond with her friends during WWU, she didn't get to confront a dragon with them, and she sure as hell didn't get a chance to study friendship. Studies, I might add, that are often used to develop her character. Sure, if she's out of character and the pre-reader doesn't like it, then he's biased. If you don't have something is the summary at least saying that Twilight's starting to lose it after this year, then maybe he's justified. (Can't remember, too lazy to check... Sorry).
Done.
90484 Really? That's just insane. Outrageous and insane. I for one refuse to change my characters; I set them up exactly how they should be.
90512 I don't know. I'm not one to send random PMs for help to someone that I don't know. It feels a bit like I'm imposing. Maybe, though. Have you ever talked to the guy?
90611 That's exactly what I plan to do. But, unfortunately, I think the prereaders only glance over the first chapter, making this selection stuff a bit unfair in my opinion.
90901 I agree. And in the description I blatantly say: The pressure is finally weighing down on Equestria's new Chancellor, Twilight Sparkle. I don't know if anyone could need more of an explanation. It also seems like these guys don't put a lot of effort into actually reading the story. One of his gripes was that Twilight wasn't busy when Applejack came in. I think even a moron could understand that I didn't mean she was doing handstands and cartwheels over stacks of tax reviews...
91120
Nah, I've never talked to him, but I know he used to hang out on Ponychan and help people get their fics on EQD. It was his 'thing'. I'm not sure if he still does as I haven't been to Ponychan for a while now, however if you don't want to PM him that would be the place to look. And even if you don't find him, there are other EQD prereaders there (or at least there were last time I visited) that would be willing to help. Though personally, I would try for Midnight; the reasons you've been given for rejection sound like bullshit to me.