My number one writing resource

Hey, wanna know a secret?

There's a place on the Internet where you can go and people will tell you what's wrong with your pony fic.

In gloriously painful detail, and for free.

Yeah, I know!

Sure, you still have to fix it yourself, and that can be frustrating and a lot of work, but it's the single best resource I can recommend.
PonyChan /fic/

Start out with the sticky, which has links to a bunch of writing guides. Once you run out of things to fix, put your fic on Google Documents and drop by The Training Grounds. Through a highly scientific process of "yeah, why not, sounds good" we'll get you hooked up with a critical reader.

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Before Training Grounds

>The nice thing about snuggling into a cloud is, no matter how much a pony cries, it was wet to start with and she hasn't made a mess of anything. Fluttershy's tears were all gone. The warm sun seemed to press her outstreached wings and legs into the cloud. At last, her mind was at peace. Vaugely, she wished she could just sink in and disappear for a long, long while. If not, this was close enough.

>"Uh, hey, Fluttershy?"

>Rainbow Dash's voice brought a fresh wave of tears to Fluttershy's eyes. She looked up at her oldest, best friend. Her body and head hung from her wings like a wet rag.

>"Can I please just say I'm sorry?"

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After Training Grounds

>The nice thing about clouds is they're made of water. Fluttershy lay atop a giant cumulus growing wild in the hot summer sky, grateful for someplace to cry that wouldn't need to be washed later. Her mind was finally calm, her tears exhausted, and the hot sun pressing against her belly, face, and outstretched wings was melting her into a little spot of yellow and pink atop the cloud's rounded peak. She wouldn't mind staying there for a long, long while.

>Rainbow Dash hadn't meant to break her heart, and Fluttershy told herself that she'd be okay.

...lots more added...

>“Uh, hey, Fluttershy?”

>Fluttershy opened her eyes. Rainbow Dash trod air, her body hanging limp and dejected from her wings. That wasn't the Rainbow Dash she wanted to see. Rainbow should stand on tensed legs, sunlight curving across her hindquarters, her wings half-open, ready to throw herself to the sky. She should be defying some storm, her wet mane pulled across her eyes by the wind.

>That was the problem: every time she saw Rainbow she couldn't help thinking of things like that, whether she wanted to or not. Now, Rainbow knew what she was thinking, and Fluttershy knew how her friend hated being self-conscious and would thus hate being with her. Their friendship would be strained, and Fluttershy realized with a jolt that her current posture lying on her back didn't make things any less awkward. She rolled to her side trying not to blush.

>“Can I please just say I'm sorry?” said Dash.