Sonic Reviews: My Little Pony Friendship is Magic fan fiction: Past Sins by Pen Stroke

Well, this is the second story in the Big Three of Fimfiction, other two being My Little Dashie (Which I did two reviews on) and Fallout: Equestria (Which wasn't originally on here, but now it is, so I'm counting it). So, with all the hype surrounding this story, and a fan made animated version, a comic book version, and hell, even a hard copy published by Equestria Publishing, I gave the story a shot. Is Past Sins as good as people make it out to be? Is it mediocre? Or is it total bull? As always, we start with the plot.

The story begins one night in the Everfree Forest, with a cult having kidnapped Twilight Sparkle, and use her magic against her will to resurrect Nightmare Moon with a body of her own, separate from Princess Luna. The leader of the cult, revealed to be Spell Nexus, dons Nightmare's armor and offers his body as a temporary home for her soul. Before the spell is complete, however, Princess Celestia comes in and destroys Nightmare Moon's remains, and the Children of Nightmare flee.

Twilight is rescued, and the Princess orders the unicorns in her Guard to look into the spell.

The next few days are a blur for Twilight, who is constantly bombarded with sympathy from her friends. She notices that her saddlebags are missing, and along with them a special book that the Princess gave to her. Not wanting to loose it, she tracks it back to the same spot where the Cult took her. She overhears a filly crying in a bush, and looks into the bush to discover a black alicorn filly with a purple mane. Not sure of what to do, she takes the filly home and notices the filly's strange eyes. They are Nightmare Moon's eyes.

Twilight begins to wonder if this filly is Nightmare Moon, and decides to be cautious. She gives the filly the name Nyx, and Nyx takes a small liking to Twilight overnight. Nyx proves to be the curious type, so much so that Twilight enrolls her in school, after having Rarity make Nyx a disguise. She earns the dislike of all of her classmates after a question of hers makes them late for recess. She finds a friend in Twist, however, and eventually becomes a Cutie Mark Crusader after Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle discover her lack of Cutie Mark.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon decide to play a prank on Nyx, and tell her that if she goes into the Everfree far enough, it becomes beautiful. Nyx falls for it, and stumbles upon the ruins of the old castle, where Nightmare Moon was defeated. She gains some of NM's memories, and cries over the fact that she now feels like she wants to hurt Twilight, who finds her and takes her home.

The school is putting on a play for one of Ponyville's festivals, and Nyx suggests the tale of the fall of Princess Luna, the defeat of Nightmare Moon, her return and Princess Luna's rise to power once again. The school likes, and Nyx is cast as Nightmare Moon. Twilight, however, forbids Nyx from playing the part. Nyx sneaks out to the play, deciding to let her real eyes show and use her real wings, as the fake ones for her costume broke.

Twilight is not pleased, but decides to let her play the part, and get dinner with the rest of the cast.

Nyx becomes upset at the fact that she was created by a spell, and does not have a family. Twilight adopts her as her daughter.

Nyx reveals the fact that she is an alicorn to the CMC.

She and the CMC win a Tug-O-War tournament, thanks to Nyx's strong magic. And she turns Fluttershy into a tree for a few minutes.

Princess Celestia knows that Nyx was created by the spell, and, with advice from Spell Nexus, takes Nyx away from Twilight, and lets Spell Nexus put a spell on Nyx, which completes the resurrection spell, and Nightmare Moon rises again. very attempt to defeat her fails, and Celestia and Luna are banished to the Sun and the Moon, respectively. Twilight is imprisoned after she breaks into Nightmare's castle, and she can't bring herself to kill Twilight.

Nightmare Moon becomes torn. Is she Nyx or is she Nightmare Moon? A filly with a loving mother and friends, or a ruthless Queen who gets what she wants at a moment's notice? She chooses Nightmare Moon, but still can't bring herself to kill anypony, as shown when the CMC break in and try to talk to Nyx, but are thrown into the same cell as Twilight.

A few weeks pass. NM lets the CMC go, but not Twilight. She even raises the sun, after a week of endless night. While NM was at first happy with the sun, the ponies cheered, as they thought this meant that she was defeated. Saddened, she sulks by herself until Twist finds her. Speaking as Nyx and not NM, they have one last friend to friend talk before NM goes back to her castle.

Spell Nexus, enraged that his Queen has been so merciful, brainwashes Twilight to try to kill Nightmare Moon, screaming that she is sorry she ever found Nyx in the forest, that she's a monster and that she must end what she created. Nightmare Moon calls for her Guards, and leave a crying NM.

That night, Twilight is to be executed. Nightmare, however, rescues her and hides Twilight in Zecora's hut.

A few days pass, and Nightmare Moon gives up her role as Queen, frees her Children of Nightmare, and returns power to the original Equestrian government, but refuses to free Celestia and Luna, for fear she will be imprisoned in the moon again. She takes full responsibility over the Sun and Moon.

A few days pass.

Due to Celestia's absence, the monsters in the Everfree feel its safe to munch on the residents of Ponyville. But, not if Nightmare Moon has anything to say about it. She comes in, saves Ponyville, and defeats the monsters, but is severely injured, and is taken to the hospital for immediate treatment.

When she wakes up, Twilight is there, and convinces Nyx to free Celestia and Luna, after Nyx sees that the fillies and colts Ponyville are extremely grateful for her protecting them. She does so, and the Princesses discuss her punishment. Unable to come up with anything, Luna asks the citizens of Ponyville for their thoughts. She comes to a decision, and behind closed doors, takes away NM's power, reducing her to the size of a filly, yet again. Luna absorbs this power, and becomes just as tall as Celestia.

Nyx's punishment? To live as a filly and to be watched over by Twilight.

Pinkie throws a Welcome Back party for the Princesses and Nyx. Nyx tries to apologize to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for how she acted towards them while she was Nightmare Moon, but they shoo her away. Nyx discovers that she has her Cutie Mark, which represents her love for protecting ponies.

And it's here that the story ends.

Nyx is a great character, the Mane 6 are mostly in character, and so are the Princesses.

The writing, while a bit bland at times, is fantastic, possibly better than My Little Dashie. Yeah, I said it.

I love this story. While it's not my favorite, it is definitely up there. Though the Nightmare Moon parts make up a chunk of the story, the filly Nyx parts get the most screen time. And they're my favorite parts. I wish there was a bit more to them, though the way the story is is just fine. I don't know why, I've just always been a sucker for family stories (I guess that's why my first fan fiction about ponies was.... *Shudder* Family is Magic... and I guess that's why I love the Motherly Scootaloo Tumblr so much.).

I give Past Sins by Pen Stroke a 9.9/10. Not perfect, but pretty damn close. I just feel that it should have had more filly Nyx and more mother/daughter with Twilight.
-Sonic