• Member Since 11th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 2nd, 2016

Steventheman


It's been a while.

More Blog Posts43

  • 484 weeks
    My latest fic

    I was hoping I'd push 100 downvotes in the first three days.

    This is my failure really.

    I must try harder to disgust a greater section of the population.

    1 comments · 464 views
  • 485 weeks
    IT BEGINS AGAIN

    After a year, I return once more. I have submitted a fic.

    I think the more psychotic among you will enjoy it.

    ...Wait I just remembered that I'm a literal nobody.

    0 comments · 403 views
  • 531 weeks
    New Riff - if twilight didn't turn human (With Atlas Nebula and Reaps)

    So, what would've happened if Twilight Sparkle did not turn into a human during Equestria Girls? What if she had to traverse high school life as a pony?

    Wait, she doesn't go to school in this?

    Wait, this fic has nothing to do with Equestria Girls whatsoever?

    Riff is here

    0 comments · 417 views
  • 532 weeks
    Skype - Today I learned...

    [2:33:31 AM] Sigma.EXE: Today I learned that shipping is wrong.
    [2:34:05 AM | Edited 2:34:24 AM] Atlas Nebula: Today I learned that, if you have no morals, fuck a 12 year old after you drug her.
    [2:35:04 AM] Strongbrush (Spike): Today I learned that a lot of people have problems.
    [2:35:23 AM] Atlas Nebula: Today I leanred that white people have problems too.

    Read More

    1 comments · 637 views
  • 533 weeks
    New Story - The Hunter

    When a portal storm, a cataclysmic cosmic event, the likes of which have never been recorded in any history, strikes the Eastern Seaboard of Equestria along with several other locations, many beings that do not belong end up inside Equestrian territory.

    Read More

    0 comments · 468 views
Sep
19th
2013

Skype - WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN AT 6AM · 5:47am Sep 19th, 2013

Our Lord & Savior, Arceus is just sitting around, looking down upon the world from the Hall of Origin in the Spear Pillar.
[6:06:49 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman is simply sitting on a fold up chair in a busy street, pissing off every driver who is stuck behind him.
[6:07:02 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: PFFFT
[6:07:35 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman encounters a hostile driver, and so perpetually punches him in the penis as a warning to the others.
[6:07:45 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: PFFFFFFFFFFFFT
[6:07:56 AM] Steventheman: This is my street now, bitches.
[6:08:12 AM] Steventheman: You want to make a turn? TOO BAAADDD!
[6:08:57 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: You need to get to work for a night shift? FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOU!
[6:09:19 AM] Steventheman: Wife giving birth? I hope there's a doctor in the MILE-LONG TAILBACK I'VE CREATED!
[6:09:41 AM] Steventheman: I have defeated Western civilization by sitting in the road!
[6:09:43 AM] SC276 the Azelf: SC276 the Azelf is hanging out on top of one of Spear Pillar's broken pillars because the lake can freakin' watch itself.
[6:10:11 AM] Lemony Snickidar: Greetings!
[6:10:17 AM] Christopher Powell (DarthRevanFTW): ...I just read all of that in Stephen Merchant's voice.
[6:10:34 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus looks at his nephew Azelf.
[6:10:38 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Ohai.
[6:11:11 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Hey there, uncle Arceus.
[6:11:31 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Have you seen Giratina anywhere?
[6:11:44 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman goes to order pizza, but realises that he defeated Western civilization, and so pizza is now currency.
[6:12:30 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Think I saw him smoking some weed or something in the cave beneath the front of that mile-long tailback down there last week or something. Haven't seen him since.
[6:13:01 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: OH jesus christ... Why didn't he tell me he got the weed?!
[6:13:15 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Probably got burned on the way over and he got high early...
[6:14:11 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Hold on, I gotta go to Turnback Cave for a moment. (blinks out and reappears holding a Griseous Orb) And THIS is why they need to wait for me before they take anything in.
[6:14:27 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus puts the Griseous Orb in a pocket of antimatter so it can regenerate.
[6:14:36 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: So... Wanna order a pizza?
[6:14:52 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Pepperoni and sausage~?
[6:15:54 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...We'll have to get Latias to do it. (sigh) And SHE is always flying around some random place... Unreliable. Not like they can just bring a pizza to the God of the world at the highest point of this reality!
[6:16:06 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman sits atop his Throne of Cars; taller than the Statue of Liberty, and wider than the average American woman. From atop his throne, he witnesses the fires that consume all, for in the grim darkness of the future, there is only traffic problems.
[6:16:42 AM | Edited 6:16:47 AM] SC276 the Azelf: ...Um, uncle? I think the peasents are growing too proud.
[6:17:00 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus notices a human.
[6:17:04 AM] Steventheman: Too late, God!
[6:17:07 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...HOW DID THEY EVEN GET AN AZURE FLUTE?!
[6:17:19 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman uses Disbelief!
[6:17:28 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...
[6:17:33 AM] Steventheman: It's not very effective.
[6:17:40 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Disbelief = Action Replay?
[6:17:50 AM] SC276 the Azelf: SC276 the Azelf uses Nasty Plot!
[6:17:59 AM] SC276 the Azelf: ...GAH, WHY DID I SEARCH MYSELF ON FURAFFINITY?!
[6:18:02 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: SON OF A DEOXYS!
[6:18:13 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Is that... AH!
[6:18:16 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: THIS IS WHAT HUMANS DO WITH US?!
[6:18:42 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman declares the Men of the Tribe Furaffinity to be banished from the City of Stevenopolis.
[6:18:54 AM] Steventheman: Not because of that.
[6:19:00 AM] SC276 the Azelf: WHERE'S UXIE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!
[6:19:04 AM] Steventheman: They were getting uppity because of taxes.
[6:20:00 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: I THOUGHT ONE OF YOU THREE GAVE PEOPLE MORALS FOR CHRIST SAKE!
[6:20:22 AM] Steventheman: All rise for the Universal Anthem:
[6:20:39 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman plays I Like Big Butts out of an iPod speaker.
[6:20:41 AM | Edited 6:20:44 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: "Fuck This, We're Gettin' Shitfaced!"
[6:20:51 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Emotions, Knowledge, Willpower.
[6:20:56 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...
[6:21:07 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: No Pokémon made morals?
[6:21:18 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Not as far as I remember.
[6:21:18 AM] Steventheman: Duh. I was able to take over.
[6:22:26 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman is suddenly assassinated...by himself.
[6:22:30 AM] Steventheman: Wait shit
[6:22:34 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Like JFK!
[6:22:38 AM] Steventheman: i didn't think this through
[6:22:47 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman disappears.
[6:22:49 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Little known fact, JFK assassinated himself via time travel!
[6:23:20 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Really, uncle? Celebi needs to stop those pranks of hers...
[6:23:25 AM] Christopher Powell (DarthRevanFTW): Christopher Powell (DarthRevanFTW) looks around at all the cars and debris.
[6:23:47 AM] Gregtheman: I DECLARE MYSELF RULER OF THE THRONE OF CARS!
[6:23:49 AM] Christopher Powell (DarthRevanFTW): Dammit, of course he leaves ME to clean up his mess.
[6:23:49 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Nah, she didn't do it, nor her brother, the pothead. Remind me to invite him over on Friday, also.
[6:24:10 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: He just got involved in some mess with the crew of a ship from the point where all human life is extinct.
[6:24:34 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: One was an android, another a hologrammatic prat, the other a felix-sapiens, and the last a moronic human.
[6:24:40 AM] Gregtheman: Gregtheman sits atop the Throne of Cars and orders a million to be sacrificed to him.
[6:25:09 AM] Gregtheman: Gregtheman did not see the million tributes rebelling and killing him coming somehow.
[6:25:09 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus conjures some Magikarp.
[6:25:17 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...
[6:25:29 AM | Edited 6:25:30 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Dude, you must SUCK if Magikarp got y- Oh my god, are those golden?
[6:25:44 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus catches them, because he has Pokéballs for some reason.
[6:26:01 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...I think I got high when I went to Giratina's place.
[6:26:04 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: WHEEEEE!
[6:26:20 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Amazing, uncle! That only happens... what, every once in eight thousand times or so?
[6:26:25 AM] Alicethewoman: Alicethewoman climbs the throne. Luckily, she has seen rebellions coming, and has hidden a nuclear bomb under her jacket.
[6:26:35 AM] Alicethewoman: Heheheh.
[6:27:05 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Well, I stole some charm from the future with the Celebi's help and reduced it to a 1 in 586 chance...
[6:27:11 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: But yeah, still amazingly rare.
[6:27:15 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Ish.
[6:27:24 AM] Alicethewoman: Alicethewoman orders the mystical potion of Timotei banned, as it is heretical witchcraft.
[6:27:58 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Where'd Mew go, Azelf?
[6:28:17 AM] SC276 the Azelf: I think I saw her and Jirachi head back to her place at Faraway Island.
[6:28:27 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...I thought Mew was a-
[6:28:47 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Mew finally gave birth to another?!
[6:28:50 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: FINALLY!
[6:29:04 AM] Alicethewoman: Alicethewoman hurls a nuclear bomb at the last country to survive the collapse of the World: North Korea.
[6:29:18 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...But then lies the question - how did we end up with three Mewtwo?
[6:29:42 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Maybe it's the one Mewtwo going through the same time three times?
[6:29:53 AM] Alicethewoman: WHAT THE-
[6:30:20 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman casts Alicethewoman from her throne, in a glorious comeback!
[6:30:28 AM] Steventheman: Guess who's back?
[6:30:31 AM] Steventheman: Back again?
[6:30:34 AM] Steventheman: Steven's back!
[6:30:40 AM] Steventheman: Tell a friend!
[6:30:50 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...So, we got the first genderless one, the female less agressive one in Kalos, and her brother, also in Kalos. They're all the same.

Did Manaphy and Celebi get drunk again?
[6:31:12 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: I'm pretty sure unless that happened, we got three of 'em!
[6:31:27 AM] SC276 the Azelf: I see, uncle... You are truly wise and all knowing.
[6:31:30 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: And then there's the fact that the Red boy has a Mewtwo as well!
[6:31:38 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THESE MEWTWO COMING FROM?!
[6:31:48 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman becomes the God Emperor of Mankind.
[6:31:48 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Giovanni keeps trying?
[6:31:55 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...That is possible.
[6:32:14 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Wait a second... Are Pokémon starting to actually... Evolve?!
[6:32:15 AM] Steventheman: >mfw I build a anti-religious state, only for it to become a theocracy.
[6:32:28 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: I never gave them the mega evolution thing I'm hearing of!
[6:32:58 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Holy me, I gave Pokémon adaptability without knowing it.
[6:33:06 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Uxie has been looking into it, uncle. It appears to be a state artifically induced by a bunch of... rocks.
[6:33:20 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Rocks?
[6:33:29 AM] SC276 the Azelf: And for some reason, whenever she sees it, Mesprit shouts "Mewtamorphosis!"
[6:34:08 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Did more Pokémon with rocks fall out of space, like those Clefairy and Jigglypuff and Deoxys and those moon stones?
[6:34:19 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Or did we just get our version of France?
[6:34:40 AM] SC276 the Azelf: ...Both, maybe? Spare is not my purview, uncle, sorry...
[6:35:17 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Wait a minute... Maybe Mewtwo is just breeding with Ditto. Would explain a lot... Maybe.
[6:35:41 AM | Edited 6:35:49 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: I am now imagining a drunk Mewtwo making Ditto transform into a female Mew.
[6:35:57 AM] SC276 the Azelf: A very... interesting image, uncle.
[6:36:09 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: ...Excuse me while I pass out.
[6:36:14 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Our Lord & Savior, Arceus falls off the Spear Pillar.
[6:36:32 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman laughs at this from the Golden Throne.
[6:36:57 AM] Our Lord & Savior, Arceus: Oh lord.
[6:37:03 AM] The Great & Powerful Giratina: The Great & Powerful Giratina has reawakened.
[6:37:08 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Uncle, are you OK?!
[6:37:22 AM] The Great & Powerful Giratina: ...He's fine!
[6:37:31 AM] The Great & Powerful Giratina: I think he just turned... into a Magikarp.
[6:38:44 AM] The Great & Powerful Giratina: I'm OK!
[6:39:14 AM] Arceus: I'm totally... Why is a man fucking a sheep on a golden throne of lawn chairs?
[6:39:37 AM] SC276 the Azelf: He seems to fancy himself a "god emperor," uncle.
[6:39:54 AM] Steventheman: Dude, I totally defeated the world while you two were arguing!
[6:39:57 AM] Arceus: Arceus throws a rubber dick at the Welsh one and he falls off his throne.
[6:40:29 AM] Arceus: You owe me a pizza!
[6:41:30 AM] Arceus: Sir, you made a golden throne of lawn chairs.
[6:41:37 AM] Arceus: For that, I am forever your humble servant.
[6:41:46 AM] Arceus: Arceus pops into a normal Pokéball.
[6:41:52 AM] SC276 the Azelf: And I think I see a hundred-car pileup under- Wha?!
[6:41:54 AM] Steventheman: ...It's supposed to made out of CARS!
[6:41:59 AM] Arceus: ...
[6:42:04 AM] Arceus: Arceus turns back to normal.
[6:42:10 AM] Arceus: Well, who the fuck is that then?!
[6:42:19 AM] Arceus: Arceus points to a drunk man on a throne of lawn chairs.
[6:42:27 AM] Steventheman: Fucking hell...
[6:42:35 AM] Steventheman: Steventheman shoots the other guy in the leg.
[6:42:38 AM] Steventheman: That's Horus.
[6:42:46 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Thank uncle I'm made of willpower, otherwise I'd totally go "fuck this shit" and leave.
[6:43:05 AM] Arceus: That's right, I'm awe- Where did the orbs go?
[6:43:25 AM] Arceus: Arceus looks down on the Pillar and sees his three creations being caught.
[6:43:31 AM] Arceus: Oh fuck me.
[6:43:45 AM] Arceus: Welp, Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina are all caught.
[6:43:53 AM] SC276 the Azelf: Oh dear...!
[6:43:55 AM] Arceus: We'll have to make another set.


What the fuck is wrong with us.

Report Steventheman · 162 views ·
Comments ( 3 )

Nothing at all, Steven!
Nothing at all~!

ADDENDUM:

[6:54:30 AM] Steventheman: One thing I noticed:
[6:54:32 AM] SC276 the Azelf: SC276 the Azelf goes to save the whole complete thing to file.
[6:54:42 AM] Steventheman: Regi entered earlier,
[6:54:46 AM] Steventheman: saw what we were doing,
[6:54:48 AM] Arceus: ...
[6:54:49 AM] Steventheman: and LEFT.
[6:54:54 AM] Arceus: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
[6:55:10 AM] Arceus: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[6:55:23 AM] Steventheman: We win everything.
[6:55:40 AM] SC276 the Azelf: SC276 the Azelf laughs madly.
[6:55:48 AM] Sigma the Arceus: I have fullfilled my life by scaring off a Regidar.
[6:55:57 AM] Sigma the Arceus: He isn't as cool as a Registeel anyway.

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