its been a while · 7:30am Sep 10th, 2013
hey guys maybe you were wondering where I was? probably not :I anyway, I've been really depressed lately. my school is being really annoying. they don't want to listen to me and my mother and some friends, cause they made some changes to the classroom and such and it was really hard for me. The year has just started and I'm already stressed out. I have autism(pdd-nos to be exact) and that means there are certain things that I can't do and I can't handle changes really well, but the school isn't listening and don't want to help and I'm getting so pissed about it. The depression is also making me feel useless and like my friends don't even care about me anymore and I just feel like shit and I can't draw. Yeah I can draw ponies pretty well. So? where will that take me? that's all I can so what. What am I gonna do with the rest of my life? I just can't do this urgh. Don't go telling me my art is amazing, cause it isn't. Maybe for people that can't draw well it is, but for me it's just not good. It's not bad, but it's not good either. I may be able to draw a pony in a certain pose, but even that has it's limits. I just can't draw the things I want to draw. and everytime I start to think 'Hey, this ain't bad' I see this amazing art on DA or tumblr and I delete what I made and I'm just not able to even PRACTICE it. I'm also pretty broke, and I want a job, but I can't get a job, because of my handicap. I'm also having a really hard time accepting it. Accepting that I have this, that I have a pretty large handicap and it won't ever go away. But people keep wanting things from me I just can't do. Asking me to do a presentation out of nowhere or to go work as a waitress, is just like asking a guy in wheelchair to walk, asking a blind person to see whats in front of them. It's a handicap and I will never be able to get rid of it, but I have to accept it but I just can't. even as I write this I'm wondering if I should even post this or not? I just don't know anymore and I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't have any faith in the people helping me anymore, I just don't see myself becoming a normal adult. because I will never be one. so thats kinda it I just wanted to get that off my chest, i dont think im gonna post this so yeah.. bye
Damn.
Twilove, I feel really sad now. As in, I'm sad that everything's shit for you. I really hope that you don't do anything drastic, or stop doing anything on fimfiction altogether.
Allow me to try to dissect this issue, and try to find ways to help as best as possible.
1. School
School's are arses. I don't believe there's much you can do about the school, seeing as it's being an arse. Perhaps you can find a different school that's close by which would be more open to conforming to student's needs. I'm not talking about a special school for special kids, just a school that would be more keen on helping you out.
2. Depression
I've never really had it, so I am by no means an expert. However, to me it appears as if your depression stems from all the stress and bad things that are happening to you currently. From what I can tell, it's also giving you Artist Block, and makes you feel as if your art is utter shit. STOP IT. Get those cotton balls out of your ears, Twilove! You can NOT say that your drawings are bad, when people such as my self praise you for your abilities.
And sure, there's really good drawings on DA and tumblr, but that's expected. To be honest, there's usually always someone better than everyone in every category, and that should be accepted. I'm not the best writer, but because I read "My Little Dashie" doesn't mean that I'm gonna delete The Janitor of Canterlot Castle, and you know why? There's at least 20 people who like that fic, and that gives me confidence that at least 20 people are happy with what I put out, and you should do the same with your artwork.
3. Future
Graphic Design. All I can say about that as a job, perhaps. If you're a good artist, look for a job that requires pleasing visuals for others to look at.
Anywho, I have to go now. I think I would've said more if I had more time, but just please consider what I've said thus far.
~Freeze
Heey, je moet jezelf niet de grond in boren hè, da's nooit goed. Je kunt overal altijd beter in worden.
Ik ben zelf ook autist (geloof het of niet), maar ik heb een minder erge versie ervan, dus ik weet wel waar je vandaan komt. I haatte het ook altijd om veranderingen te doorgaan, binnen en buiten school, het moet altijd op dezelfde manier eraan toe gaan anders vind ik het niet leuk. We hebben zelfs nog onze oude kasten thuis gehouden omdat ik er maar over bleef huilen toen ze weg moesten.
Ik heb er in relatief "korte" tijd me leren leven en heb geleerd om veranderingen gewoon te accepteren, dit betekent niet dat ik het ook leuk vind, want 99% van de keren voel ik me van binnen slecht als er iets verandert, alles moet altijd toch perfect zijn als het kan. (Waarom denk je dat mijn Nederlands en Engels in de comments altijd zo grammaticaal perfect is?)
Maar héél soms, 1% van de keren, is een verandering niet zo slecht als het aanvoelt, je moet jezelf er gewoon overheen zetten.
Ik heb ook relatief weinig goede vrienden, maar diegene die ik heb weten hiervan, en hen boeit het gewoon niet, ik ben een normaal persoon voor hen, wat ik hiemee wil zeggen is; dat er zeker mensen zijn die je als normaal beschouwen. Je moet ze gewoon vinden. En ik heb er niet veel, maar het zijn er genoeg voor mij.
En als het om je kunst gaat, moet je jouw kunst niet te erg vergelijken met die van een ander, want waar het om gaat is jouw talent en jouw vooruitgang die je boekt in het tekenen, je wordt vanzelf wel beter, geloof me, ik dacht het zelf vroeger ook niet, maar het is me talloze keren tegenbewezen. Ik heb het mee gemaakt!
Dus ik hoop dat dit het wat beter voor je maakt, en ik hoop tot in den zeerste van God dat bij jou alles in orde zal komen.
Ik zal voor je bidden
Met de aller vriendelijkste groetjes uit Limburg,
SteamFluttershy
1340435 Bedankt, ik weet ook wel wat m'n gebreken zijn, maar ik heb moeite met het accepteren ervan. Maar in ieder geval heel erg bedankt voor de steun en de lieve woorden
1340097 Thanks so much. Though going to a different school isn't an option :I First of all the friends I have there are the best ones I've ever had. They accept me for who I am and I've only just met them. Second I'm bad with changes xI really bad. And last, I wouldn't know where to go? The school I'm at now is special for art and design, graphic design and such, but it's the only school nearby that teaches that. It's the first step to becoming an actual arts or animation student. I can't travel far cause that's just really hard for me because of my autism. It's like.. for me, the feeling of having to travel a long distance(or even a short sometimes) with public transport(especially alone) is like having to jump of a huge cliff into the water down below for a normal person. Or something like that. I don't know.
But all that aside, thank you so much, and I know if I practice I'll become better and there will always be someone better than me, but as long as people keep telling me the things I do are good, I'll be able to move on I think
so thank you so much for the things you always tell me and again I'm sorry I don't have a lot of time to chat lately. But thank you a lot and this was just what I needed, together with the support of my mom and my friends I'll be able to get through it I hope... I just hope.
But just thank you so frickin much
Just try to take it easy, take a few deep breaths and say to yourself 'It's gonna be alright' and then close your eyes and think of something that makes you smile.