The Document of Pony Gear Solid: Virtuous Mission · 12:32am Apr 7th, 2012
Is it just me, or has there not been much turn-out for this new chapter? I know it hasn't even been a full day, but still. Maybe because the site's admins recently did away with the "tracking" feature? I guess it's irrelevant.
First off, a huge shout-out to my pre-reader, DPV111, whose feedback and support is invaluable to the continued quality of this story. He's the reason you got a revised Life's End, and he was no less helpful in shaping Virtuous Mission. Heck, I can point out specific instances where I incorporated his suggestions almost word-for-word. I cannot overstate his importance to Pony Gear Solid. Thank you.
Moving on, though, I want to once again apologize for my delay in updating. Pony Gear Solid is a hobby of mine, one that I'm under no real obligation to pursue with any diligence, but I don't like keeping my readership waiting, and I don't blame them for losing interest in the story based on my sluggish pace. I can't promise that I'll find a schedule and stick to it, but I can say that I feel compelled to continue the story immediately from where we left off. The castle sequence was supposed to have been one chapter, but I couldn't think of a way to continue effectively after the final scene, which seemed an appropriate stopping point for the time being. So what was once one chapter became three chapters - the previous, this one, and the next - and I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. I can say that we're at roughly the halfway point in the story now (with the next chapter, we'll be at more than fifty percent completion, assuming I don't start dividing chapters again), and that the next chapter will probably be a lot shorter than this one.
Content-wise, I had to come up with a lot on the fly, because while I had the sequence of events comprising the castle sequence planned out well in advance, the little details were not yet articulated. The basic synopsis of the chapter was pretty bare-bones, and that necessitated the creation of a number of scenes to fill the gap. Snake's antagonistic relationship with Rainbow Dash is one of those things that came out of the need for additional content in the chapter, along with the conversation between Snake and Spike (it seemed necessary to follow up on what happened in the previous chapter), and the entire courtyard sequence.
The chapter originally opened with a conversation between Applebloom and Macbeth, who I determined needed to have an appearance in the story in order for me to justify calling him, in any way, a necessary inclusion. But it didn't work out that way, partly because I wanted to leave Applebloom's status ambiguous until the end, and partly because everything I wrote just read like shit, no matter what I did. Snip snip.
I got a note from DPV that he wanted to "smack the shit out of Rainbow Dash" during the chapter, and I was a little concerned that I'd made her too antagonistic. However, we're only seeing her from Snake's perspective, and Snake has a history of being intolerant toward headstrong youth. I liken his attitude toward Rainbow Dash with his attitude toward Raiden in Sons of Liberty, though the dynamic between the characters is different. Raiden had a serious man-crush on Snake from the get-go, and sought his approval. Rainbow Dash just doesn't like Snake, and doesn't feel the need to endear herself to him. I want to reiterate that I like the entire cast and have no grudges against any of them, so Snake's dislike for Dashie (or Spike, or Pinkie) is not indicative of a similar problem that I have.
The bit where Snake discovers that he's lost his scope was written in after I re-read and edited the early chapters and realized that I'd indeed given Snake a scope. I liked the gag with Pinkie and the binoculars too much to cut it, so I wrote in a sequence where he discovers that his scope is missing instead. That he's missing his scope isn't really significant; I imagine that he lost it during the fight with the timberwolves and never noticed (not with the manticore, because Trenton would have said something about it otherwise).
Snake's arsenal expands by two weapons in this chapter. I knew from the start that he needed more weapons than the modded M9, but the arsenal that he wound up with adjusted slightly during storyplanning. His original loadout consisted of an M14 EBR (the common semi-auto sniper rifle from MGS4), a SPAS-12 shotgun, and the Five-SeveN. But the advanced M14 EBR clashed with the archaic weaponry of Pegasus Wings, so it became the older M24 instead, and I couldn't realistically let him carry the M24 and a shotgun at the same time. But I wanted Snake to have a heavier, brute force sort of gun, for reasons that I won't say (but may be pretty obvious to anybody who's read the chapter and played MGS4), so instead of cutting his arsenal by one, I changed the SPAS-12 into the Model 500 handcannon, the most powerful handgun in the world. He was supposed to find it in the armory in this chapter, but I assigned it to Case instead, and it turned into something with a little bit more emotion to it, rather than just another purloined sidearm.
The Five-SeveN has some significance to Metal Gear Solid, being Snake's sidearm in the non-canon MGS: Ghost Babel for GameBoy Color. It's also the standard sidearm for Haven Troopers in MGS4, not to mention one of the best pistols in that game. I personally prefer the classic Mk.23 SOCOM to the Five-SeveN, because I like to use the 5.7 ammo for the P90, but both are nice regardless.
The invocation of Smooze as Twilight's hammy, booming god was an intentional tie-in to "For I Am A Jelly God." I guess I've decided that they're in canon with one another. Wait, that means I have to change "Ditzy Doo" to "Derpy Hooves" in A Host of Sorrows. Damn, more work for me. That was a fun scene to write. Applejack's reaction to the whole thing is my favorite part about it.
The scene in the keep was a pain in the ass to write, because the castle in Mare in the Moon makes no sense whatsoever, and I had to create most of the layout from scratch.
This is the point in the story where the main character focus sort of shifts. Up until now, it's been Applejack's show, all about her getting her sister back. But now that she's reunited with Applebloom, the spotlight's gone to Twilight Sparkle. This chapter was, in part, a transition between the two. From here on out, the focus is going to be on Twilight, and how she reacts to the situation developing around her. That's not to say that the rest of the Mane Six aren't going to have any focus, only that Twilight is going to be the primary concern for the rest of the story.
Once again, thanks to DPV111 for providing criticism on the fight scene in the dungeon. His input was extremely helpful.
I don't have much to say right now about Twilight's dilemma that wouldn't be self-evident in the story's writing. We'll talk more about her as the story wears on. The Sorrow's appearance at the end was a last minute addition, to emphasize his importance, if not in the current story then in the overarching storyline. Why is he appearing to Twilight, and not Applejack, the one who actually killed Nigel? Good question. Fanwank something.
Other notes:
-The chapter title is both a piece on the MGS3 soundtrack and the name of the initial mission that Naked Snake undertakes in the same game. The title is also a bit ironic, given Twilight's struggle to remain virtuous, and Applejack tossing her virtue away in order to protect her family.
-The quote comes from MGS1, and is a line from Snake regarding Meryl. I don't remember if he says it to Meryl, or to someone else about Meryl.
-Snake originally found a tin of Party Time Mint-Als in the armory, but I took that out because I feel like I suck up to Fallout: Equestria enough as is. Don't believe me? Look at the way the Equestria Daily chapters are formatted now.
-On the other hand, Friendship is Witchcraft references abound in this chapter. See if you can find them all. A shiny sixpence to anypony who can!
Turnout's been good in my opinion. You're just seeing it too spread out since it's on both Gdocs and FimFiction.
The GDocs attendance has been in the low 20s for hours which is average to good for any story not hyped to the sun and back. I also see comments of new interest in the story from those who have not read it before.
Rethinking Dash, she was only about as bad as she was in Fall Weather Friends. So I can live with it. Doesn't mean I don't still want to give her a taste of discipline and respect.
I completely missed the FiW references. I'll need to reread.
I also recommend hanging out in Gdocs chat if possible as much as possible on the day of the update post. Can get lots of good input and feedback from the readers as they read.
60971 I didn't even think of that. I only considered the Equestria Daily page and the FIMfiction reviews.