I'm getting so tired

Of this fucking depression. It's fucking killing me. Every day is a random pattern of happiness and depression. I can't stand it. It's ruining my life, and I don't have the balls to stand up qnd fix it. all I do is complain because I'm scared. As much as i hate this pain, it's the only thing I understand. My autism racked brain can't wrap around many things. But I know this pain. In and out. I know exactly what it is. Why it is. I hold onto it because it's the only thing I know. Thoroughly. There's only two things in life I'm good at. Writing horrible stories, and being in constant sorrow. I'm scared to let that go...