FiM Fiction Review - Vengeance of Dawn · 8:03pm Jun 27th, 2013
I'm sure I'm not the only one that has a love-hate relationship with not only FiM Fiction, but my FiM Fiction neighbors as well. We're a jolly lot aren't we? I mean, it's hard to deny it with all the gore and, let us not forget, clop. Nevertheless, I did say it was a love-hate relationship. The reason being, there's always that one story that blows you away, yet everyone seems to have missed... Scipio Smith's Vengeance of Dawn probably isn't the word 100,000 word epic 10-out-of-10-deserving story that we're all looking for, but with some fixing it could be pretty damn close. Smith did one hell of a job establishing that the aftermath of Princess Twilight Sparkle's coronation isn't easy for her and her friends. This is really Vengeance of Dawn's spot to shine: the characters, canon and original, have realistic and challenging inner struggles which establish their personalities. To back up the great characters, the dialogue is excellent and every conversation feels organic and flows nicely. However, both have their hiccups and the writing is not exactly top notch. Even with these problems, Vengeance of Dawn is an enjoyable read.
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Vengeance of Dawn by Scipio Smith
Incomplete (Last Updated June 15, 2013)
Twilight grew up and found her destiny, but there is one pony who feels embittered that it should have been her destiny, her glory. Breaking Dawn, Celestia's former student, is convinced that she is the true Element of Magic and has been robbed of her honours, her fame and most importantly of the love of Princess Celestia without which Dawn is nothing.
Rallying her old friends, Breaking Dawn sets out to bring Equestria's newest princess down and pass the final test her mentor set her all those years ago. As Dawn begins to wreak her vengeance, and Twilight struggles to protect her precious ponies from her elusive adversary, both these students of Celestia embark upon a dark path, paying no heed to the truth that a quest for revenge can only end one way.
Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Alternate Universe
Rating: Everyone
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Thanks for the review! It's always nice to know what other people think of something we've looked at. I remember this getting rejected by EqD, mainly for grammar, though there was a note saying, "Now, this is quite well-written, aside from the grammar, and I have to compliment you both on grounds of premise and characterization. You’re quite close." If this is ever cleaned up and resubmitted, I would love to take a look at it.
1172289 Sweet Celestia! It's Amacita! *bows down*
As said in the review, I felt the grammar was the only thing holding this story down. I know my opinion probably wouldn't matter all too much but if pesky errors get ironed out, I think it could be a solid addition to Equestria Daily's line-up. Nevertheless, it's nice to know that my critique isn't too far from that of someone such as yourself.
1172432
I had no idea I was *that* respected, but hey, thanks!
To be honest, I wasn't the one who pre-read it, but I'd have probably said the same thing.