Some ideas · 7:34pm May 12th, 2013
The first premise struck me shortly after the time traveling Twilight episode. I found the idea of Tartarus interesting and my mind, against my will, started to construct a story framework around it.
Back during and before the war between Celestia and Nightmare Moon, NNM was creating magical constructs. These beings had no real free will but were clever and would follow orders given to them by NNM; she was their entire world. These constructs were created by sacrificing a number of ponies along with a demon, the demon usually willing and the ponies not as much. The ponies of choice being Bat Ponies, this process quickly led to their extinction and the constructs actions led to any bat ponies being born to normal ponies deaths. (No one wants a child that will kill you any chance they get; this was the misconception.)
The constructs themselves were more magic than flesh and had the ability to shapeshift in a means similar to how NNM becomes a cloud of mist. In the beginning of the war the constructs' ability to kill and mimic ponies led to breakdowns in command and general paranoia in Celestia's army. Least that was the case till some unicorns discovered how susceptible the constructs were to dispels of any sort. This quickly led the a magical arms race between Celestia's top mages and NNM's ability to harden her creations against such magics.
However, since NNM used so many resources to create her first few lines of constructs, she quickly had to turn to other means to create her "spec ops" units. This led to later constructs being tailored to frontline combat, i.e. chitin armor, ability to break unit cohesion through lose of pleasant feelings, basically prototype changelings.
However, this would all be history in the story. The real meat of things would be that Celestia imprisons a couple of the constructs in Tartarus, some being sent there after NNM was imprisoned on the moon. I am sorta of split on why she sends them there, one is either that being in Tartarus is a slow painful death or that she can't kill the construct out right since it wears the face of one of her beloved ponies. Though once in Tartarus the constructs immediately begin planning an escape and a way to free NNM. This lasts centuries, the constructs having to feed off their weaker sisters and whatever else they can forcefully drain of magic in Tartarus. The plan ultimately comes together when Cerberus is removed from the Gate of Tartarus and one is able to teleport out.
This point is where I have a split in the story. I can go one of two ways. I needed something guarding the gates other than just Cerberus, so I thought of some sort of ancient spell. This spell would separate the soul or mind from the body, setting it adrift in the world. The body would just be forced to lie out in front of the Gates where Cerberus could easily retrieve it and bring it back through the spell wall where the soul/mind would be brought back to the body to continue its stay in Tartarus. Because of this the plan to escape required summoning a soul/mind from outside Tartarus just as the construct crossed the spells threshold. This would leave a soul/mind wandering the world and a body in front of the gate, just as the spell intended. However, since there are two souls/minds, one gets to remain in the body and leave the gates to continue the plan to free NNM, the summoned soul/mind is thus forced to ever wander the world.
Of coarse, this summoning does not goes as planned, cause who likes plans that go off without a hitch? I am not sure if I want the summoned soul/mind to be a hapless physics/engineering grad student working on their thesis or a blank one drawn from the ether. This wouldn't much affect the events to happen, but it would affect the characters response and how the story is perceived. Grad student = more comedy, blank soul/mind = self discovery. I also know there is a bit of a stigma against HiE fics, I don't like half of them on a good day myself. But I do like the clashing of cultures and the general "what the fuckery" that comes with it.
So two questions I have that I would like an opinion on are: 1. Should I use a human mind that has no idea about MLP or not introduce humans at all. The second question is a little longer, I want to know what I should have the constructs look like. I was thinking that the earlier versions would either look like NNM or Luna. The later versions are starting to incur too many errors due to reduced resources for a body plan to really hold. I felt that NNM would either be so full of herself as to make her lieutenants look like her or would have them look like a demonized young Luna so they would terrorize Celestia.
Everything from this point would follow along with the show, though there would be more shenanigans in Canterlot and not Ponyville.
The other story involves events after the Nightmare Moon incident. I am presuming Celestia wants to show her newly returned sister around as well as show her off. So there will be a small party of sorts and Luna gets a new dress. The story starts as Luna gets lost in the castle looking for the tailor's room so she can have the dress mended a little. She stumbles across a maid that has gotten lost on her first day. They end up traveling together with the maid not knowing that Luna is a princess since the dress is covering her wings. It would be a simple one shot about a happy Luna.
Thoughts? Ideas? Didn't read it?
Edit: Increased spacing between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Both of those ideas seem pretty interesting. Now the first one? That seems intense.
1072941
It could be, I basically thought on it every night for a year now. I first wanted to create a world everything would function pretty much logically. The story itself would be either more comedic or a slice of life. Though I could easily see a prequel being a dark tragedy since I picture Celestia's student from that time being brutally murdered and having her spot replaced by one of the constructs. Thus leading to Celestia's refusal to take a personal student for centuries.
Any opinions of what the constructs should look like? I think either something like NNM or a younger Luna, but with more demonic qualities, i.e. slitted pupils, bat wings, sharp fangs. The NNM form would be more for terrorizing ponies while the Luna model would be a psychological blow to Celestia, cause she is not sure if it is really her sister or not. That would lead to a greater chance of the construct surviving.
1072984
I'd make them an exact model of NNM or Luna, although with red eyes (or something distinctive) and a little smaller and less powerful (although still hyper lethal). Also, they must have self-destruction capabilities. Nothing more psychologically frightening than seeing either a) walking into the bathroom and seeing a naked person in the shower or b) an ultimate killing machine that can kill you even when defeated.
1073037
I don't want them to be an exact copy. They would both be about the size of Fleur, I am thinking that both would have two horns that curve along their head. (This is the closest example I could think of on short notice.) The NNM idea would only have the wings be different, since they were formed from a demon and hundreds to thousands of bat ponies. The Luna idea would have NNM's eye color and style, the horns, and wings. I was thinking that if in such form in front of Celestia they could try and mimic Luna, saying things like, "I can still feel the corruption inside me", and "Celestia, please, you have to kill me." Lines that are just supposed to stab Celestia right in the heart.
They would not be as powerful as an Alicorn, but they would be able to give them a run for their money if they caught an Alicorn by surprise. They were designed for the express purpose of being weapons that do as NNM tells them. Also, due to their construction, if the multitude of spells holding them together does fail, all the energy being stored will be released. I am thinking that the early versions will have an issue of spontaneously exploding on the battlefield, the later versions have a problem with the spells becoming unstable and making them go more insane. And yes, there would be different models with slightly different capabilities.
It really depends on who is naked in the shower for one; something your mind considers hot (YESSS!), something your mind considers terrifying (NOOOO
).
1073065
So long as they speak in a cruel and sarcastic tone, that'll work perfectly.
Seeing this in your shower is what I was going for:
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRZ2qtlb67gCIbxrEdkhqcE_ZsLtIdBOGXuXuLmlEAgw109XYI9
That's terrifying.
Now if you saw this in your shower (bathtub in this case), it'd be a D'awwwwwwww moment:
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1073087
I think it would be better for the Luna models to be more frightened. Celestia knows that this thing killed many of her subjects, but she is not sure if it is really her possessed sister or just another construct. Would she really want to destroy the construct if there is a slight doubt that it could really be her sister?
Yes, it would be a "D'awwwww" moment, I would also lose all my hugs.
1073099
Turing test much? :3
Also, I'm having some weird fragmented idea for a story after reading this poem (it just yells "Luna/Nightmare Moon" at me for some reason):
The bold part is what made me think for a minute, and the rest just adds to the idea. However, tell me if you see anything in that poem-- I'd like to see if it puts a similar image into your mind (for the sake of my "experiment," I won't say what I'm seeing in it.)
1073243
Turing test? I wasn't even talking about A.I.
That poem makes me think more of the onset of becoming NNM.
1073254
I probably should have added an -esque after the "Turing" part. I meant to imply something like a Turing test that could distinguish between a construct and Luna.
1073366
Even if she did know there was a difference, it could still be viewed as symbolically killing her sister.
1073804
True...
Anyway, did you see the Equestria Girls trailer? Not sure if I should pour gasoline on myself and run around in circles or just accept fate.
1073877
Yes I saw it, and thank you for posting it here, I mean, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
I thought my knee was my foot and got really confused.
1073877 I just puked, but theres a cute video of Celestia and Luna after it.
1199593
How the what? I think it made some sense or did I break into rambling?
1199605
I only saw a "...and Luna".
1073877 PINK FLUFFY UNICORN DANCING ON A RAINBOW
1199725
You mean this?
1199644 PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOW
1199768 YES
1199773
I think unicorn and rainbow is plural in the song.
1199780
You like making a lot of separate posts.
1199799 TOO BAD!
1199818
I don't know how to do the "Spoiler" text. The regular BB code and the way Reddit does it does not seem to work here. Also, you mocking me cause I am colorblind?
1199725
SWAG
1. Humans
I don't think you should introduce them at all. They don't really tie into the story in any way possible, and even then, they would probably get killed due to all the dangers like the Everfree, the Flower Girl's idiocy, or someother.
2. Appearance
I'd personally go for the ladder. Dante's Inferno taught me not to like demon babies. I imagine Celestia wouldn't like demon Luna's galloping around murdering everything they see.
1073065
I personally agree with that.
1219951
There would only be one human, the one stuck in the constructs body. That why there would be a character who already has certain views about how the world should work and think they are tripping major balls. Also, there would be the idea from Inception that they need to kill themselves to wake up.
I already decided on the demonized Luna. Just so they could be like, "Celestia, you have to kill me. I have killed so many and I can still feel it within me" blah, blah, blah.