That awkward moment when you didn't crack the top three in the writing contest and you're surprisingly more upset about it than you thought you'd be. · 6:10am Mar 6th, 2012

Not that I really figured I'd have a snowball's chance in Pony Hell at winning. In fact, I think it's downright egotistical of me to think that I was somehow entitled to the top three, just because I put words on a blank document and they happened to be mostly coherent. More than anything, I hate giving the appearance of egotism, so I'm loathe to admit that I'm so much as a little disappointed at falling short. I was prepared for failure; I was expecting universally negative opinions. But my story got good feedback and good ratings. I should feel glad that I at least got to contribute to something so fun and stimulating, even if I didn't win.

And yet...

I don't know. It's weird. I'm not that big of a competitor. In fact, I usually shy away from competition. But this whole pony-centric rigamarole has gotten me interested in writing creatively again, and not only that, but to stack myself against others. I wanted to participate, but more than that, I wanted to win. That's not so unreasonable, right? Everybody who entered that contest had to have wanted to win. I was no different.

And it isn't like I'm talking down about the competition. The stories that won deserved to, and there were several which didn't win (but may have gotten the top ten; we won't know unless knighty and co. release the runner-up list) that I definitely would have voted for. I don't know that I deserved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them, but being in their company, and being favorably received to boot, was deeply gratifying.

Maybe I'm just pointlessly bellyaching. I had a bad day (Applejack wouldn't even let me play on her tractor), so maybe the news just hit me at a moment when I was already feeling low, and that's why I'm so bummed about it. It's just, it would have been nice, I guess, to have that kind of validation. By no means do I think that I'm a bad writer, but I've always lacked a certain amount of confidence in my ability. Beyond a way with words and a penchant for strong dialogue, I don't think there's much in my writing that's worthy of notice. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I'd flame out as a professional, which must be why I invest so much time in writing fan fiction about cartoons. I get to express myself creatively without the stigma of knowing that it's all just wasted effort. It's easier to justify bad writing it if it's a hobby, and not my meal ticket.

Suddenly, I think I understand why I respect and admire Somber so goddamn much. I once criticized him for being so down on himself and his story, but you know what? I think that's because I just saw too much of myself in him. And there are moments where I really, really hate myself, and seeing those traits in myself that I loathe in someone else just... gave me an opening, y'know? I doubt he knows or cares about what I said, or that he even read it (it was a while ago, and was quickly buried beneath an avalanche of comments)... or that he even knows who I am... but for what it's worth, I'm really sorry about it.

I swear, I'm not usually this wangsty.

Okay, enough of that, Posh. Pull yourself together. Now. I'm going to post a complete version of my entry before too long; it may not have had a chance in its submitted form, but the full version would have put up one hell of a fight, by George. Of that, I can promise you. So much had to be cut out just to get it under the word limit that it's a shock it got any sort of positive reaction whatsoever. But the complete version would not only have knocked your socks off, it would have knocked them clear into another dimension where socks were a schoolboy's fantasy, and onto the feet of your sockless mirror universe counterpart, and thus would have jump-started a cultural revolution. THAT'S how worthy it was.

Hope the mods will let me do that. Post the same story twice, I mean. It's just a revamp of an existing story, so I don't see anything wrong with it, but... Eesh. I guess we'll see, huh?

Beyond that, Pony Gear Solid is still in the works. I think I'll redouble my efforts in regards to that story, if only to prove myself wrong when I call myself a shiftless hack. Sometimes, I want to whack myself in the face and say "Dammit, Posh, you have plenty of shifts!" What better way to do that than to vomit pony stories?

I'm not even making sense anymore, am I?

To summarize:

-Posh wangsts

-Posh promises to post a completed version of his butchered, gutted contest entry

-Posh also promises to continue writing Pony Gear Solid

Did I miss anything? I think that's it. Okay then.

Back to the mission.

Report Posh · 154 views ·

Comments ( 6 )