The Document of Pony Gear Solid INTEGRAL: Chapter 5 Has Been Revised! · 9:18am Mar 5th, 2012
Remember way back when I promised to revise chapter five according to THE BEST REVIEW IN HISTORY?! Well, I finally got around to doing that. You should really learn not to take me seriously when I promise that I'll do things "soon."
Numerous things were suggested to me in that awesome review, and I incorporated several of them into the story. I encourage you to read the revised chapter to see them, but just in case you don't feel like doing so, here are the ones that I can remember:
-First off, I found and corrected numerous typos and grammatical errors that I failed to catch during my final editing process. God, I am sloppy.
-In general, I toned down the violence of the Mane Six's attacks against the wolves. They were a little too bloodthirsty and willing to kill in the original draft. They no longer fight to kill, they fight to incapacitate, and of all the wolves who are directly fought in the narration, only one is actually killed by a pony's hooves.
-It was pointed out to me that Rarity could not move a boulder with her magic. I tried to argue against that, but quickly realized that, at the start of the chapter, Rarity had difficulty lifting Applejack with her magic, and that I'd created an Outer Haven-sized plothole. Rarity's fight with the wolf is now expanded, and isn't resolved via Thomas-Ex-Machina.
-Pinkie Pie's duel has also been revised. She still babbles to the wolf, but this no longer results in its death. Something else results in its death.
-The wolf who Spike sets on fire now runs away in pain instead of staying to attack him (which sadly removes Twilight's rather epic reaction to Spike being in danger, but it was out of character for her anyway, so it had to go). This sets up an expanded endgame sequence that I don't want to spoil.
-Fluttershy's speech to the alpha is now completely different. In the original, she was described as "callous" and "cold" and "EXTREMELY OOC," and all things considered, these complaints were accurate. I have altered both the content and the tone of her rant, and given her some added motivation and characterization.
-Rainbow Dash no longer agrees with Captain Case's blind loyalty. My BEST REVIEWER EVER and NEW BEST FRIEND remarked that Rainbow Dash didn't suffer blind loyalty, using Gilda as example. I had to agree. She now calls him out on it in typical tactless Rainbow Dash fashion (Rainbow Dashion?).
-Finally, I rewrote the ending of the chapter, which I never liked in the slightest but went with anyway. I'm rather happy with its replacement.
Overall, I believe I now have a stronger fifth chapter than before. Please, by all means, go ahead and read it. The changes within will probably impact the way the story unfolds, so it would really suck if you were thinking of an obsoleted version of the chapter when reading the rest of the story. Eventually, I'll update the Equestria Daily version of the story with these changes too.
Later on, I'll go through the chapter and give it one last proofreading, just to make sure I catch anything.
Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon (but remember, my definition of "soon" is "before the Second Coming") with chapter six.
Forgot to mention: I also took out the rape joke. You know the one. It was in bad taste, and I apologize for it.
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If anyone's wondering, that hilarious and glaring sentence fragment at the end of the blog is totally ironic and intentional.