Jan
29th
2013
What's wrong with Elegance of Nature? · 1:41am Jan 29th, 2013
Why do people keep disliking it? They just dislike and leave no reason for it. It's a good story in my eyes. If you think there's something wrong with the story then leave a comment about it so I can fix it. I just don't know what I did wrong. I put a lot of work into this story, so please do me a favor and give it some likes so it'll be viewed more.
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Lightning Star · 396 views
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Well, yeah. Every author thinks their story is good. If you didn't, you wouldn't write it.
, but the story itself is fine. I think Rarity responded in character, and I thought her phone conversation was pretty spot-on. Chapters aren't a bad length, and the way chapter three ended intrigued me greatly.
I think your main problem is the idea. Flutterraped isn't exactly what everyone wants to read. They probably went, "Oh, a tragedy for Fluttersh- Wait. Raped? Nope." and downvoted and left. Is it right? No. Does it happen? Yeah.
I also agree with the comment that you need someone else to look over it. I saw a few errors with apostrophes (for example, "Twilight know's" in chapter two) and spelling errors (like "defiantly" instead of "definitely" and "tragidy" instead of "tragedy" in chapter three), and the comma nazi in me was saddened throughout most of the story. I'd be willing to read it over myself, but I have two tests this week so I don't think I can promise anything.
That being said, it's not a bad story. The use of phones and the chastity belt in a place where ponies walk without clothing did kindof make me go
It's not an easy topic to cover. I say good luck and keep going.
764685 Yeah I see what you're saying, and truth be told I sorta hated myself for writing that, but I did anyway. I really don't have a proof reader either, but I try to do the best I can on my own, though for some reason I tend to put a lot of 's where the don't belong. Something to do with an OCD habbit no doubt. And as for the comma's, it's just my own writing stlye. I put comma's where I nautally feel there needs to be a pause. Proper sentance structure and me don't get a long well.
You really think I got Rarity spot on? I was worried about that. But for some reason it's just comming natural to me. I do rather enjoy it too ^^
And as for chassity belts and phones in equestria, well they sorta work like this in my head cannon: the chassity belt is designed as a clear peice of plastic/metal that will go under the fur and not be visable unless you lifted the mare's tale and looked
As for phones, since the concept of technologu/electricity is bever given a clear stage of development in equestria it's just up to your head cannon. I would picture the type of phones the ponies use as the phones used around the 40's-50's
It's not at all a bad story, though, as noted, it could benefit from some external editing. (We never notice our own lapses in these matters -- not even me, and I've barely stepped away from the keyboard in the last thirty years.)
I admit, though, that I was put off by Rarity's suggestion to Fluttershy that Twilight likely had some sort of Refloration Spell at her disposal. Repairing a membrane is one thing; restoring a self-image that in part depends on it is something entirely different.