My end of the world story (Slightly Fabricated) · 6:43am Dec 22nd, 2012
So I woke up this morning and was expecting the world to do quite a few things... Maybe zombies? Maybe the world would just explode in a fiery explosion that just ended everything. Neither of those happened...
It started at the bus stop this morning. So I'm standing there just humming a song to myself. (It was a MLP song if I recall correctly.) When out of nowhere comes a homeless man. "Got any change?" Wanting to be a nice person I decided to give him a dollar that I for some reason had in my pocket. Didn't need a bag of chips anyways...
"Sure. Here you go." I handed him the dollar. He grabbed it and started to run across the street to get something. Except he didn't make it. A car hit him as he crosses the street. Of course my only reaction was...
"No! My dollar!" Completely ignoring the dead man in the road, I darted into oncoming traffic and chased my dollar down the street. Eventually it landed on the ground where a grand piano landed on it. "No! Dollar! Why god? WHY!" I fell to my knees and began to mourn the dollar that never got to be spent... It never crossed my mind as to where the grand piano came from. I was too upset over the loss of the poor innocent dollar.
It was around this time that I turned around to see people running around munching on people. All around me people were panicking as they ran for their lives screaming bloody murder.
"Zombies!" If only he were right... These weren't zombies... They were much worse! Knowing I was the only one that could stop the end of the world, I stood up and yelled out to everyone.
"Those aren't zombies... HUNGRY HIGH HIPPIES! Everybody run! They have the munchies!" This only served to make them panic more... Nothing worse than a high hippie with the munchies. Those bastards will eat anything! It was at that moment that I knew what I had to do...
I pulled a grilled cheese that I was inexplicibly carrying in my pocket out and held it in the air. "Hey hippies! GRILLED CHEESE!" The hippies all stopped dead in their tracks and looked at me with hunger in their eyes.
"FOOD! Dude, just give us one bite..." They started their advance towards me; all mumbling about how great a bite of the grilled cheese would be... But I knew what they wanted. They wanted the whole damn thing! Not my pocket grilled cheese! I need that for reasons... Reasons that shouldn't be spoken of!
"First you have to do something for me..."
"Dude... Anything for a bite of that grilled cheese."
"Give me a drum beat." They all smiled slightly and sat right down where they were and formed a drum circle. And they formed it in the middle of the street. But... I didn't have enough time to finish my plan unless I gave them what they wanted. They would quickly grow antsy and want my grilled cheese. Then my power over them would end. But if I put it in the middle of the drum circle, then they would fight over it long enough to start my plan.
I pulled out the grilled cheese and held it in my hands. "You've given me so much happiness in this long morning... I couldn't have made it this far without you." The grilled cheese simply sat there in my hands. "No no... Don't say anything." With great regret and reluctancy I readied my arm and threw the poor innocent grilled cheese into the middle of the drum circle. "I'm sorry..." A single tear dropped from my eye. The grilled cheese had made the greatest sacrifice ever to be done in this cold world. There would be statues made depicting that grilled cheese in all it's cheesy goodness.
But now was no time to mourn... Couldn't let the grilled cheese's sacrifice be in vain! Now that a fight had broken out among the hippies I was able to prepare myself. There was only one way to truly stop a hippee... It was time that I made them get sober. Once that happens I will be able to convince them that the establishment is coming. But how to make a hippee sober? Got it!
"Hey dudes!" They all continued to fight over the grilled cheese. "I got another grilled cheese!" That made them stop fighting... But it was only a matter of time until they noticed that I didn't have another. "Now that I have your attention... That weed you smokes wasn't the good stuff." Panic quickly arose around them... It's simple as telling a hippee that they didn't have the good product. The stress and panic will sober them up right quick!
"Not the good stuff? Oh man... The establishment is getting to our stash dude!" They all began to talk amongst themselves. Now was my time to strike.
"The establishment is coming... They have taken all the good stuff and shipped it off to siberia!"
"Dude... That's not cool. NOT cool!"
"You can still catch them..." I whistled which immediatly made my personal butler land in the street with my private jet that I somehow aquired between 7:00 that morning and now. "Use my jet. You can all fit into that if you can fit into a anti-establishment bus.
"Dude... Thanks. Come on dudes! Let's go take our stash back from the establishment!" They all ran over to the jet and began to pile in one after the other. As soon as they closed the door it immediately began to roar as it started into the air. Soon they would be Siberia's problem...
Even if I didn't know it, I had just saved the world... Or at least I thought I had. But the hippies were just a precurser to something much worse... It was what I called the day of the grand piano. Even though the hippies were gone, that didn't stop the grand pianos!
They started to fall out of the air in large groups, taking out anyone that was unfortunate enough to be in the way at the time. Knowing I was powerless to stop the end of the world, I simply lied on the ground and awaited my time.
For three hours I laid there waiting for one to fall on my head. I already knew that somehow, someway I was the last living person on earth.
I had survived the apocolypse. But was living alone really worth it? No... It wasn't. Who would make me more grilled cheese?! WHO?! God knows I can't... Last time I did I had caught the entire city on fire... A world without grilled cheese is no world at all...
I picked up the assault rifle near me that I probably could have easily used to just shoot the hippies... But where was the fun in that? Assault rifle in hand I aimed at the gas pump near me and prepared to fire. Right before I could a voice sounded off behind me... A terrible terrible voice.
"Hey... I just traveled the entire world to see that everyone except you is dead. The name's Snookie." GAH! Kill it! Kill it with holy fire!
"Get away you muff cabbage!"
"What'd you just call m-" I unloaded my entire clip into her before she could finish her sentance... Finally... The world was free of Snookie. Who knew it'd take the end of the world to do so? But... Now I had no fun way to take myself away from this world.
"Hey!" I turned around to see someone I never in my life expected to see.
"Kurt Cobain?! You're alive?"
"No, just a ghost sent here to give you passage on. Come with me, we have all the grilled cheese in the world. You wanna hear the new Nirvana album?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Grab my hair."
"Er... What?"
"Just grab it." I did as asked. Immediately we shot up into the air in a rush of speed. "End of the world adventure!" It was then that we both exploded into a burst of fireworks.
So now I sit here listening to the 300 new Nirvana albums as I eat the endless supply of Grilled Cheese and coca-cola. Yep... Today was the best day ever.
- In loving memory of that grilled cheese I carried in my pocket for some reason. 2012 - 2012. R.I.P.
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I assure you that that story is 50% true! Now... Who wants a update? Nobody? You sure? What about you sandvich? No? Okay...
Never forget Grilled Cheese 2012.
637347 It had bacon in it... BACON! It was too young... Doesn't matter... Had Chex.
637353
637370 I missed this randomness... Oh, and after this chapter I'm going to TRY and read through the pony games.
637378 Well, there's always hope...
637396 Well it is only 22,000 words... Only... 22,000... Dear molesting techniques of Molestia you know you write long chapters when "Only" and "22,000" go into the same sentence. I have to start writing shorter chapters...