Pony Prettification Process: Patient #2 · 4:51am February 6th
Hello and welcome back to the blog series where I am a horse doctor with a medical license that’s super cool and valid and not fake at all. (Read: I take well-loved toy ponies and spruce 'em up in the sink. The part about my license is still very true. Just don't look at it too hard.)
Next up on the chopping block is the very fabulous Skywishes, first released in 2004 in the Perfectly Ponies collection and rereleased for many years after that in various playsets. Last year, she was even featured in an official pride shirt alongside her trans girlfriend, Star Catcher! She's a very prolific pony.
Like my previous patient, I'm not sure which version of Skywishes this is, though I do know for a fact she doesn't belong to the Seaside Celebration group, since that variant has a matte finish instead of her signature pearly sheen! (I didn't even know they made G3s without it. Very curious indeed!)
She just may be my favorite of the three. I think her striped hair is really neat and her pose. Oh, her pose. Some collectors call it the Diva Pose, and for good reason, I might wager. Just look at her! And then keep looking at her, and don’t stop.
She’s gaslit, she’s gatekept, and, undeniably, she’s girlbossed.
Miss Skywishes is just serving. She knows she’s better than you. She’s the kind of pony who talks shit about you behind your back. She won’t tell you if you have lipstick on your teeth. She dishes out compliments like candy and then giggles when you bite into them and they’re so sour they make your eyes water.
What I would give for that kind of confidence, that swagger. An inspiration to us all, truly.
(I totally bought her just for the novelty of her pose. This is something I will freely admit.)
She’s… honestly not that bad in terms of condition. In the last installment of this series, I said that Doseydotes was the best of the three, but upon examining Skywishes, I may have to rescind that statement. After all, Skywishes didn’t get attacked by a dog. Or have an orange shoved into her eye…
Let’s get into the diagnoses, shall we? Again, my penmanship will only improve as time goes on, I’m certain.
Diagnosis #1: Frizz Fever
I prescribe a dose of Horse Tylenol for thee.
Hardly unexpected. This is a children’s toy with hair; it’s going to get tangled and frizzy. Conditioner will solve this in a snap. Bam. Done. This is so easy!
Diagnosis #2: [Insert Color Here] Disease
Skywishes, you’re turning… a color!
I want to say that this is purple. I don’t think it is, but that’s what my eyes are telling me. Periwinkle? Maybe it is periwinkle. Again, I’m not sure what caused this splotch. A Mr. Clean Magic Eraser would take this off in an instant, but unfortunately I don’t have any currently, so I’ll just try scrubbing really hard with a washcloth and dish soap. If the mark doesn’t move, then I’ll just say it’s a super cool birthmark.
Diagnosis #3: The Most Evil Haircut in the History of All Haircuts
This is not even hyperbole, it is so bad. What the hell. I am a ball of rage.
You may notice that this photograph is not taken in front of the usual white wall and instead is taken inside of the sink. That is because I only noticed this after rinsing Skywishes' mane for the very first time. I was so peeved. I guess since her hair was so messy, her botched manecut was disguised, but HER VERY FRONT HAIR PLUG IS SNIPPED. AND NOT EVEN GOOD. WHY IS IT SO SHORT SHE DOES NOT NEED MICROBANGS WHO DID THIS TO HER. This is beyond even my helping. My god.
Miscellaneous:
Skywishes has some other minor marks, and she has the same weird almost sticky feeling as all the others, but that’s really about it. This girl really is giving Doseydotes a run for her money!
Treatment:
The supplies! No shampoo this time, because I have become enlightened.
The bath time procedure has not changed from Doseydotes to Skywishes. A rinse with water, a scrub with dish soap, detangling, and then a liberal application of conditioner. Easy as pie. (Mostly.)
I am always careful when handling ponies in water, because I have this weird—though not unfounded—fear that if I drench a pony in water, the water will seep into her body through the gap in her neck and the roots of the mane and then the water will sit in her hollow body and harbor mold, which will then creep through the roots of her mane and then I will have moldy pony.
(The "unfounded" part comes from the fact that this is a real thing that can happen. To fix it, you're meant to behead the pony, soak them in cleaner, and then scrub viciously at their insides with a toothbrush or similar instrument. But the idea of doing that is absolutely terrifying to me and I think if I had a moldy pony I'd put her in a ziploc baggie and put her in, like, the bottom of my desk drawers to quarantine her. I just could not handle it. There's a reason none of my patients have been decapitated yet.)
Anyways, when I wash a pony’s mane and tail, I always do my best to allow the water to soak up into the hair instead of just throwing her under the faucet. Firstly, it’s far more ethical and as such won’t get my license revoked, and secondly, it just makes me feel better about the whole, you know, imminent threat of mold.
For Skywishes in particular, I even let the conditioner sit a bit in her hair to make it extra smooth, because she deserves it.
Queen shit.
After that, I combed through her lovely locks again and began the dreaded paper towel process. In horse medical school, this procedure made many students drop out because of how awful it was. But I persevered, and Skywishes was left until the next morning, when I unwrapped her to reveal true beauty!
Perfectly prim and proper pony princess.
I’m so pleased with how she cleaned up. Particularly the tail—that curl is crisp! Unfortunately, the spot on her muzzle didn't budge, but I don't think it's too noticeable, either. And, if I'm being totally honest, I don't really mind that sort of thing anyway. It just makes me happy to imagine the sort of adventures that Skywishes might have gone on while under the care of her previous owner. Maybe she fought a battle with a tube of paint and won.
Next time, the final member of this group will enter my salon/spa/sink: the infamous [REDACTED]. How will she fare? What will be uncovered? You’ll just have to wait and see…
Also for the obligatory "teasing-a-fic-in-the-end-of-the-blog-post" bit: something is coming. I hope. I am typing words into a document, and I am enjoying them, and they are cool, and, dare I admit it, they are words in the second person POV. Trust me, I was shocked too, but sometimes you can't question the whims of the muse. Jokes aside, hopefully I'll get this one out soon. I'm quite excited by it. c:
Thanks for reading, and I will see you in the next one. Neigh, neigh!
<3lessons
(P.S. The MBTI personality test is overrated. The new, cool test is perusing this list and selecting your government-assigned MLP G3 pose. Or, in more boring terms, either 1) your favorite pose or 2) the pose that you would be manufactured in, if you were indeed a small plastic horse. I personally quite like the Valenshy pose! Kinda reminds me of the Diva pose, but just a bit different. If I were to pick a pose to represent me, though, I'd have to go with the Sweet Breeze pose. It just speaks to me. An honorable mention goes to the "Broken Neck" pose because I just find it very amusing, if only in name. Poor girl.)
omg babe wake up new heartlessons blog post just dropped
gosh i love reading these blogs, it gives me very gameboy restoration youtube video vibes, in that i know nothing abt what is being restored but by golly if im not completely invested regardless. she turned out lovely!! got that diva hair to match her diva pose lol. for pose mbti i think its a tie between rearing and sunny daze for me, tho u have quality taste w the broken neck one lmao
and second person u say? im so fucking here for that, i may or may not have been molded by the flames of homestuck fandom and developed Really Bad POV Preferences lmaoo super looking forward to it!!
more entertainment and more pretty ponies to look at and read about!!
you somehow always manage to keep me interested, even in a long blog post like this one. hope to see the last one soon!
The thought of a moldy pony almost made me choke
Wheee! Dr Heartlessons returns! Another successful operation and the patient truly looks exquisite.
I agree on the tiny paint splotch too, she clearly had a strong and proud history and might be highly offended to remove her decorative medal. n_n
And ooh second-person you say, colour me intrigued. But to be fair, I'm intrigued by anything you write I suspect.
5766920
Totally concur on the Gameboy videos. I never know what’s going on but also they’re so satisfying to watch?? Help me.
Those are very good MBTI poses indeed! Fun fact, the last pony of this group was printed/made in the Sunny Daze pose, too. Twinsies!
Also sdgjlfjglkdgk see I was able to avoid the thrall of Homestuck so my exposure to second person is mostly from, like, the X Reader imagines I always scroll past on Tumblr, which is not exactly the best impression, but also when used right, it can be such a neat way to tell a story. Like choose your own adventures!! Those are so cool!
5766921
It’s all the ponies, all the time. >:) And yay that makes me happy to hear!!! I do my best to make these fun to read, even if you’re not too knowledgeable about the toys. c:
(Although to pull back the curtain a bit, the Final Pony™ has already been fixed up, I just have to format the pics and write up the post. But believe me when I say that I definitely saved the best/worst for last lol. She's... certainly a pony!)
5766939
♬My moldy pony, my moldy pony♬ (and then pretend there’s screaming here that matches the pitch of the G4 intro lol).
(But also that reaction is very valid. Ponies should not be MOLDY what is this blasphemy.)
5766959
Nothing but the best for my patients. :) And paint splotches build character, I say! Skywishes was probably the most feared pony fighter in her whole squadron!
And second person is very fun to write in, I'm learning. Lots of opportunity there. c:
Thanks for reading! :D
5767027
Precisely!