Pony Prettification Process: Patient #1 · 6:17am January 8th
When I venture to places like antique malls there is often only one thing on my mind: ponies.
It's where they frolic and run wild. Free to be little horses at last. So when my mother pitched an impromptu excursion to a place that smelled a lot like my lola's old house, I couldn't say no.
(We got lunch there, because they had a restaurant, which is interesting, at least for an antique mall. Unfortunately it was not as pleasant as expected. I had a suspiciously pink muffin that tasted... like nothing, actually, and the most un-potato potato soup I have ever put into my body. Like it was the faintest hint. Barely potato. My sandwich was supposed to be on a croissant but it was presented to me on a piece of untoasted bread. My water did come with a lemon, but they serve tea there, so maybe that's a low bar. The waitress was very kind. 4.5/10.)
I quickly realized that my quest to find horses was a bit of a futile one. (My mother would later tell me on the drive back that she didn't think I'd find any ponies at all, which hurt me, but I can appreciate her honesty.) Because there was a lot of things, at the antique mall. Lots of bowls. Furniture. I saw a bed. Things older than me by a lot. Things that were not horse-shaped in the slightest. I did get to look at a lot of dolls, though. I thought they were pretty neat. But they weren't ponies.
My feet began to drag. My morale dipped. The mall was set up in a vendor sort of style, so I'd do a cursory sweep of the offerings presented in each dealer space, but, upon seeing none of the equines I so desired, I was forced to return to the long and empty road. Rinse, repeat. Until I reached a room in a discreet little corner. I poked my head in. Looked left. (There was a wall.) Looked right. (There was...)
This is only a photo, so you cannot hear what the ponies whispered to me, so I'll transcribe it here: "Neigh! Whinny, whinny! Neigh!"
At last, my search was over! It was a bit like coming home after a long day. I surveyed them all with my super keen (read: nearsighted) collector's eye. Mostly G3s, some mint-in-box, and inexplicably some G4 stuff, too. There were a pair of packaged Bon Bon and Lyra Funko figures placed side by side. I thought that was sweet. Even in the material world, they will find each other.
There were still some parts of the antique mall that I had yet to explore, so I told myself that if I couldn't find any G1s in the other places, I would come back here and buy two plastic bag ponies. Maybe three. Yeah, maybe three.
So I made a mental note of where the shelf was and went deeper into the building, but I didn't really have that much luck. There was an 80's toy haven close to the entrance that my mom and I had walked past upon arrival, and I had a sneaking suspicion that there would be some G1 ponies there. And there were. They were behind a glass because otherwise they might bite, probably. I would bite, too, if I was priced as high as they were. I was baffled, peering at their little tags. The only one I agreed with was this Twinkle-Eyed Quackers, priced at a ripe $35 USD, and eBay listings seem to corroborate this. A regular adult Cotton Candy being sold for $10 USD is utterly heinous, and they should be ashamed. You can keep her in her glass prison, because I don't want her.
I returned to my happy place with ponies that were priced reasonably ($6.50 USD each was an absolute steal, let me tell you; I felt dangerous leaving the store) and ponies that were gentle and kind and not caged up, but instead allowed to roam free. Even if they looked like goldfish won at a county fair, I wanted to have them. I needed to have them. So I snatched up three and ran.
Let them out!!!!!!
I think I have failed to mention that I really enjoy cleaning up dolls and such. You can call it a hobby. Though the most extreme tools I'll use, are, like, dish soap and conditioner, they still work wonders for well-loved toys. And these mystery mares were very well-loved. I had to do some serious sleuthing to figure out their identities, because I’m not as well-versed in G3 toys as I am G1s.
However, I am pleased to say that today, Doseydotes will take a trip to the spa (also known as my bathroom sink) for some much needed sprucing up.
Doseydotes is quite a nice name for a pony, I think.
According to mylittlewiki, the tome of all pony toy knowledge, this lovely little pony was originally released in 2004 as an Easter Target Exclusive, and released again in 2008 for the "Wing Wishes" two-pack with Fluttershy. I'm not entirely sure which version she is (I'm leaning toward 2004 because that's mostly where the other two girls are from; I'm still not 100% sure though) but she is easily in the best condition of the trio. Don't tell the others I said that.
Now, we move onto the diagnoses of Miss Doseydotes. Yes, diagnoses, plural, because there are multiple. Please enjoy my super-professional scribbles.
Diagnosis #1: Citrus Cornea
At least she's got a whole lot of Vitamin C now.
I have no idea what this is. I would guess either food or crayon? I try to be careful when washing over painted areas, in case I scrub too hard and suddenly she's only got one eye instead of two, so I may just try picking at the spot with a toothpick. If it doesn’t come off, then more drastic measures will be required. I’ll have to stock up on horse anesthesia. My stash is running low.
Diagnosis #2: Short Mane Syndrome
[No picture of this because I forgot, but you can kind of see it in the image for Diagnosis #4.]
Doseydotes’ previous owner must not have liked her long locks, because a section of her mane is noticeably shorter than the rest. Now, this could just genuinely be how she’s made—the middle section is similarly shorter than the section behind it—but to me it looks like too much of a difference for that to be the case. Still, this isn’t terrible. If anything, during treatment, I will try to hide it with some styling, but it will be touch and go.
Diagnosis #3: Dog (I don’t have a funny name I’m so sorry)
Yummy plastic. So delicious.
The diagnosis is my best guess. Chew marks on toys often only have one point of origin, and unfortunately for Doseydotes, if I tried to fix that, I feel I'd do more harm than good. Someone more experienced might attempt to sand down the parts that stick up, but since the damage is on her non-display side (i.e. the side that won't be visible when placed on a shelf) I don’t mind at all. It’s her battle scar, she’s proud of it.
Diagnosis #4: Frizz Fever
Her frizz has been freaked.
Ah, the plague upon all well-loved childhood toys. While her beautiful tail was, thankfully, spared from the illness, Doseydotes' mane is quite frizzy to the touch. It’s nothing that can’t be helped with a healthy dose of conditioner and a good comb-through. Perhaps the easiest fix of all!
Miscellaneous:
Doseydotes also has some smaller, minor marks on her body. Nothing too dramatic. Although I did notice that her mane is a lot fuller than her tail is. It makes her look a bit unbalanced, to me. The G1 tails are so thick and lush they’re a bit unruly, at times. Doseydotes’ is not like that at all. The other two G3 gals I bought don’t seem to have such a difference between their mane and tail, but that could change after I clean them up. Who knows!
Treatment:
The mystery orange substance came off very easily when I scraped at it with a toothpick, so that was good. In regards to the more thorough cleaning, though, I needed many things.
The tools of my trade. Also ignore the shampoo because I never ended up using it.
As previously mentioned, I use regular Dawn dish soap to clean her body and also kind of as shampoo. The conditioner helps make the hair softer and easier to detangle with the three (3) options I brought for testing, which include:
- A really beat up American Girl hairbrush
- The hairbrush that come with the G1 Celestial Ponies reproductions
- This random plastic crown comb headpiece thing that does not belong to an American Girl doll or to a pony
I went with option three because I’ve been worried for a little while that the wire bristles on the AG brush are too hard on the pony hair, and I thought a comb might work better for picking my way through the many tangles on this poor pony’s head as she got a good scrubbing.
INTO THE WATER LITTLE PONY
Because of how bright her hair is, with the conditioner in, it looked like over-processed bleach blonde hair that comes out in clumps when you brush through it. Luckily, Doseydotes did not have that problem (her beautiful tresses are all natural, baby!) but it was still a troubling visual.
Once her mane and tail are detangled, it is time to style. There are a few different methods to do this (there's one that involves drinking straws and bobby pins to make mini curlers that I am absolutely desperate to try just because the image of a pony with little curlers in her hair is just so charming to me) but I stuck with a simpler one this time around.
For this, I merely wrap the ponies' hair around her legs and then wrap that with strips of paper towel. Then I use scrunchies to help the paper towel stay in place as it all dries. In theory, when you unwrap your little pony, her hair should be perfectly curled!
It is, by far, the worst part of the whole process.
Do you know how difficult it is to shove a little thin strip of paper towel between a pony’s legs and pray it will stay even though it’s such a damn small opening as you try to wind the tail around that same leg, but deep in your heart you know it won’t because the hair is sopping wet and eventually the goddamn paper towel tears, too, because now it’s a sopping wet paper towel, and so you’re just sitting there with a plastic pony in your white-knuckled hands and she didn’t ask for this life but neither did you and so you cut up more paper towel and try again. And again. And again.
Do you know how difficult it is, to do that?
Anyway, this is what Doseydotes looks like after her bath.
Imprisoned for crimes against humanity (read: me).
Now we play the waiting game. After a night, the paper towel will be dry, but if you want a tighter curl, it’s best to wait longer. I’m impatient so I opened Doseydotes up the next day. And oh, what a beauty is she!
A lovely little pony.
Since I didn't do anything too dramatic, she looks pretty similar to how she was, though now she’s much cleaner and her hair is washed. I’m quite pleased with how the tail came out, especially. Looks very nice, very sleek. Her mane is pretty good too. Some flyaways, and some bits I had to snip off because they were either too long or too short, but nice nonetheless! Welcome to the herd, Doseydotes.
Also, just for funsies, here’s a size comparison between a G3 and a G1 pony, Flower Bouquet. It always amuses me that the ponies seem to get littler and littler with each generation, lol. I can only wonder how small they will be when G6 comes around.
Pony pals forever.
Thank you for reading this very self-indulgent thing. I hope to make similar entries for my other two patients. Join me next time for Persistent Pony Plagues, wherein we will talk about the physical ailments that befall all G1 ponies eventually, including: "Mommy, Why's Posey Going Grey at 24? (Or: The Fading Pink Epidemic)" and "The Seapony Kingdom and Their Losing Battle with Rust Butt" and, my personal favorite, "The One Where Heart Waxes Poetic About Plasticizer."
Haha, just kidding. Maybe.
I also would like to have some actual fics up, too. Since that’s what I do, and all. I will say that I have two EqG fics that I really want to get posted. One is horrible and the other makes me laugh. What a dichotomy! I think they're both fun. :)
I hope 2024 has (and will continue) to treat you well. Neighhh!
<3lessons
(P.S. G1 ponies have a very specific smell to them so, naturally, when I picked these friends up, I wondered if G3s did, too. And indeed, I can confirm, they have a smell. And it is awful. Think of the grossest plastic imaginable, and that’s what they smell like. Nasty stuff. My disappointment was palpable. G1 ponies smell old but in a tasteful way. A light, airy way. They smell good. These G3s just smell like funky plastic gone bad. #NotAFan #BringBackOldPonySmell #SoSadForRealsies)
(P.P.S. I must admit that after washing Doseydotes, her smell did improve. I still don't like it. But it's better than evil plastic. #MaybeAFan #StillBringBackOldPonySmell #MildlySad #KeepBeingPonytastic)
this was so cool, hope to see whatever you have in store very soon!!
lol im so glad i found you to spend my time on instead of doing other boring stuff (it's totally not important) (trust)
5762775
:D thank you!!!! i'm maybe burning the pan a bit but i'm cooking. i am cooking.
and omg obviously pony procrastination is the best procrastination (i believe in you) (woohoo)
This was so delightful to read! A truly epic journey from start to finish.
I would absolutely *love* to read more about the other two lovelies you rescued and those other topics intrigue as well. n_n
wowza, as an outsider to the horse toy sphere this was a fascinating read :D ur writing style shines in blog posts just as much as in ur fics, u got me hooked until the end w shitty potato essence soup and horse anesthesia and increasingly littler ponies, great stuff!!
5762787
Awe yay I am so glad you enjoyed!! c: And I totally will write up more posts like these--I had far too much fun with this blog to stop at just one. The other ponies must be restored!!!
(As for the other topics...... we will see >:) those kinda go with another fic I have in the works so if I do put Plagues out into the world the blog posts will likely accompany a story. :D)
5762801
Fingers crossed!
5762790
Gosh this is so sweet thank you Lili! :D I am glad you could enjoy it in spite of being a stranger to plastic horses. Childlike whimsy transcends the unknown!!!
I am also still upset at that potato soup. It was truly a crime against starch. :c
What a cute bunch! Hope you are having fun procrastinating with them~
Also you have pretty hands
5762906
Haha thank you!! I can confirm that it is far more productive (and way more fun) to brush pony hair instead of doing boring things like laundry. Very rewarding. Much better.
ponies smelling bad is so funny to me. real ponies, i bet, also smell funky sometimes. 10/10
5766973
I probably should've figured they wouldn't smell great since they did come from an antique mall but at the same time, I was just so disappointed. How dare this little pony smell bad. Evil. >:(