Thinking (Nsfw warning)

So I have not forgotten this account exist I just have not been active on here for for a few reasons. first is bad real life stuff that has happened with me with my family, second is years long writers block which I doubt surprises anyone as I've said it many times in the past. the third and finally is that I don't even like the show or fandom at this point and believe me I could write a super long essay on what bothers me about the show itself and the fandom but I won't, at least not right now. so does that mean I'm done with this account? well...maybe.

See despite not liking the show anymore I still love my favorite characters and ships deeply and really I still wanna make content for those things along with the fact that frankly if I'm being honest for the last couple of years I have been holding myself back. you see ever since I have been on the internet I've seen many concepts ideas that I really,really love. the only problem being is that all of it for the most part is Straight. which after being on this website for awhile I have learned that 99 percent of all content on here is straight and the 1 percent that is gay is either vanilla, borely realisitic or still has straight things mixed in it and I want more than that.

I want stories of a gay protag getting all the boys. I want hypersexual gay stories, I want gay studs and Alphas, I want gay dilf hunters and Zebradoms and changelingdoms, I want some gay dapravity and Normallity. I'm so bored and tired of the same coming out stories, full of nothing but angst or the "my wife doesn't mind" or other stories where being gay is treated like a secondary thing or a joke I want it to be the main and only purpose, I want to see more super mega gay wish fulfilment from myself and from others,frankly I want what straight readers get on a almost daily basis all the hentai tropes and above transformed into something gay, and at this point I'm come to accept that no one on any platform I am on is gonna really do that especially not this one, so I realized the person that has to do it is me.

So with that self made solo responabily on my shoulders I will admit, its hard to wanna just quit writing (or art) because no one is gonna do this if I don't and I would love to be the start of a change online even if its a very small one. granted don't get me wrong there is still passion I don't just want to do this before I feel like I have too. but of course I am only one person who doesn't have all the knowledge of writing or art in the world, frankly I have no idea how people make the things that they do with some skill and detail and currently I'm kinda just self teaching myself, which is going poorly so for me, things are in a awkward, uncomforable state. but trust me I would love nothing more to get out of it, no more fears of backlash, no more holding back anything, no more trying to be perfect, just doing what I want and making what I want. and I'm hoping to reach that very soon and if I do I'm kinda not even sure I'm gonna post it here anyways because again this website is 99 percent straight so I'm not sure how worth it, it even is along with the fact that overtime I have grown to dislike the layout of this website. I will post them on my FA account through for sure but as for here, I will have to think about it.

but yeah this is what has mostly been on my mind and I guess time with tell if something changes here or not.