Rewrite · 11:49am Sep 28th, 2023
I am considering rewriting My House Is Now A Pocket Dimension And My Front Door Is A Portal To Equestria.
Starting the story with zero experience I thought nothing i add in the story is gonna screw me over. It screwed me over. Making writing episode chapters is a boring experience and make me wanna throw it out the window.
First, Jumper's knowledge of the show. What's the point of Jumper joining the main six to get the Elements of Harmony if he knew they are gonna win. I mean if he wants to stay behind, he can with zero worries of their possible failure. He knows Fluttershy ain't gonna be hurt so his only reason of joining them is to get to Celestia quicker but what's the rush? He can wait for her.
I want Jumper to solve problems his own way, an example would be Applebuck Season where he choose to be equally stubborn as Applejack. Would've been impactful in my opinion if he didn't know this will happen. Also the whole Jumper is a psychic situation wasn't really given alot of attention.
I think Jumper's knowledge of the show makes episode chapters more boring if he already knew the problem and its solutions. I would change where he has zero to very limited about the show.
Also where did he get the idea that ponies are extremely racist? If he did watch the show and is observant, he would think that their reaction to him would be somewhere between frighten and narrow-minded. Not hostility. With the personality i created for him, Jumper would've just stayed in his home most of the time so he wouldn't have to deal with Ponyville.
It made it difficult to develop friendships for Jumper if he just stays at home for a week, comes out, problem happened, repeat.
Second, the damn world.
With the hint of Equestria at War shit added, made things confusing for me. What's the fucking world gonna be like? Equestria at War? The Show? A whole other one? Or a mix? Didn't do to much research on The Dread League or Equestria at War at the time.
Third and finally, his Magic Immunity.
Makes it fucking hard to come up with chapters that requires magic to happen and makes the chapter interesting, it also probably gave Jumper too much power. I would give him a magic resistance, high enough that unicorn magic can barely do shit while alicorn and chaos magic has some effect on him.
Yeah, that sums up why I wanna rewrite it. Idk, what I typed is probably nonsense.
maybe give jumper a small atonement to magic cancellation
5748284
Elaborate,
My vocabulary is little small
I am enjoying the story and find it funny and fun to read, but I understand that you want to rewrite it to improve the story.
The story is still young and can still be molded in the way want it to be. Don't give up on it, i actually like it, but if you really want to rewrite it then we won't stop you
5748284
Don't you mean atunement, not atonement?
5748293
yes English's isn't my mother language so I do have some misspelling sometimes.