Well. The last post. · 11:42pm Aug 30th, 2023
The last post wasn't quite informative. I admit. I've come back for a moment to explain something I dunno to whom. Maybe to myself.
What happened?
Well... In case of my quitting. When I started writing and making art, I was just having fun. Met amazing people along the way in the fandom and felt like I'd found my place. I've seen my friends disappearing from both the fandom and the creative activity, and after some time I was left quite on my own. Never really reached any "recognition", no matter how hard I've tried - but I do see I haven't tried hard enough. I am the person who starts something and instead keeps going, I just lose motivation sooner or later and cannot grab myself to return to what I've been doing. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I'm lacking patience, forcing myself too hard, and burning out pretty easily. As a result, I've been "quitting" and "coming back" multiple times, burying what I've achieved. Anything that I've achieved wasn't enough. I wanted to go higher, losing myself in this madness. And so here we are. Writing a post that probably nobody will really notice, but I can only blame myself for that.
What's next?
I don't know. I've said I quit, but in the end, I've just moved to other projects where I cannot back off. The projects where people do count on me and I have to keep moving, but I can take my time with it. There is just enough pressure to make me keep working and not enough to make me freak out.
However, I will not return to the arts, most likely ever again. Now, since I've got a stable job, I'm more likely to buy art from others rather than make it myself, where I know I won't be satisfied.
Am I removing everything?
Well, yes and no. I've made a new Wattpad. Maybe I'll post something here sometime in the future, maybe not. I don't know.
My dA was requested to be deleted, and this FimFiction account too, My old Wattpad is gone, same as Twitter and YouTube channels (or changed names and getting rid of everything). I guess I'm really good at burning bridges, huh?
In the case of arts: you may still see them around as I've given them away to friends. Both: png. and svg. files.
In the case of Project Lunarium: It's still there. I'm not sure if I will keep working on it, but I didn't remove it from existence. If I decide to return to Lunarium - it's gonna be changed. I'm thinking about redoing it from scratch.
Am I quitting MLP fandom?
Yes. Why? I feel like it's gonna be a good idea to finally let the past go and leave the comfort zone and start doing something else. With my current projects and workplace, I can't really stay in a fandom. Also, I'm sick of being called names by people whenever they see my pfp or find my FimF profile with mlp stories.
Left all the MLP discord servers as well.
What about my sona?
Well, Dashkin. Damn, it feels strange.
Dashkin Grandhook was my sona for years and I really grew up to it. It became a part of me, that couldn't be removed. It was like my online identity and some people started calling me Dashkin irl as well. I just needed to change the way I felt, the way I behaved, and my mindset. I mean, whenever I did something nice or bad it still was a "silly, edgy wolf-pony". I wasn't acting like me, but my online persona I've created. I can't really describe it too well, but Dashkin became too "me" and after so many years - a whisper of the past that I've tried to cut off multiple times. With my current place - I need to change myself and the easiest way to do it, was to remove Dashkin from my mind and act like a real person. Not like an online fursona. It was something like: "Dashkin is me" not "I am Dashkin".
So now, Dashkin is no more, his arts are still somewhere online, but won't be used by me anymore and I wish nobody else could use him (I know that I can't really prohibit people from stealing him. I just hope, he will just disappear in time).
Am I gonna have a new sona or online character?
Well yeah, because I don't wanna use my real name around. But it won't be near anything like Dashkin was. It's just gonna be a random character just to be used as a nickname, rather than a true "OC" or "persona". I don't even plan to have arts of my new OC to make it as distant as possible (I just have one of him and I want to keep it that way - it's just for somebody who would be curious.
.
So this is my last "quit"
Well, I'd rather say, it's more like "ending a too-long chapter". Should have done it earlier, but I couldn't really force myself to do it. I just wanted to keep going, but at the same time - didn't. But now I need to focus on other projects and life itself. I've started a career that I want to follow, find my place here, on Earth, because without it, I won't be able to keep going with anything. I've set up my priorities straight and have new plans for the future I want to follow. The past few years were just a damn rollercoaster but the things that happened opened my eyes. It was a wake-up call to change something that I've chosen to ignore for far too long and didn't notice when I hit the wall. But I'm doing much better now and I finally don't see darkness in my future. Well... they say "Something needs to end for something else to start".
It's been at least 9 years of crazy journey. Didn't really achieve anything, but made a dozen amazing memories that will follow me till the end of my time.
I'd like to thank those 105 people who followed me here on Fimfiction and a dozen more around the internet. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you my friends for supporting me through this journey, even though most of them are lost in time.
Will you hear from me again?
Most likely. I will be still doing what I've meant to do, but less, focusing more on my future. We may meet again at some point or maybe you will see me somewhere in a corner, writing stories or doing other stuff. Dashkin is no more, but I will be still around. Under a different name, but I believe, you will recognize me.
So yeah... I guess this is the last post here. I wish you all the best, friends. Keep chasing your dreams, but don't get lost in your own ambitions. Sometimes just sit down and chill out for a second.
I will see you around.
Dashkin out.
"I thought I'd built a castle but it was just rubble. Too "imperfect" to be fixed so I took those bricks and started building all over again. My own "perfect" hut"
"One star fades away but the other one will take its place. It will shine brighter and longer than the previous one. Sometimes, you need to burn your bridges to build new ones ahead."
I know my voice might not be heard by you, but you can't give up like this. The fandom is still a good place to be in, even though it's sort of in a hibernated state because of G5, but you're still someone who can contribute much to this site and the fandom as a whole.