The Obligatory Patreon Plug · 4:57pm Aug 22nd, 2023

Hello everyone!

My apologies for my long absence. I do have a good reason for it beyond writer's block this time.

As I may have mentioned in the past, I have started a Patreon for my original writing.

Most recently, I have been posting a story I have been thinking about for years, called Happy Vale.

It's about the titular town, Happy Vale, a haunted Toontown full of cartoony antics, slapstick comedy, dark secrets and horrifying monsters. It's what I like to jokingly call a horror dramady.

This story means a lot to me. It's one that I personally adore, with characters and worldbuilding that I put lots of blood, sweat, and tears into.

So... naturally, after all that work, I've put up the first two chapters for free.

I wanted to share what I've been working on. So, without further ado, have the first couple of bits of my odd little story.

Oh. And here's my Patreon if you want to support me, and see anything in the future that might not be free: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=88736831

Chapter 1

Half around the mountains, and twice that distance down,

If you find yourself unlucky, you'll find a little town.

The sun will grin, the birds will cheer, and oh, the flowers sing.

But rest assured my naive friend, you cannot trust in anything.

For behind the friendly faces, the streamers and balloons,

Lies the twisted history, of some truly vile Toons.

In olden times, these inkblot fiends were burned beside the witches.

But the tickling of the flames just left those Toons in stitches.

Their bodies left unschathed, their evil not dispelled.

They were cast into a mountain range, where other evils dwelled.

However foul adversity would never bring a frown,

And so those inkblot monsters did build a little town.

And while those fiends are lost to time, vanished in the mists,

They say that to this very day, that little town persists.

And so dear reader, I give to you, the setting of our tale.

A bright and hopeful little town. A place called Happy Vale.

It was another average day in Happy Vale.

The sun was shining, the mail truck rumbled down the street, and a honey badger in ragged clothes chased a cassowary down the street, hoping for a free breakfast.

The birds must have been new arrivals, as they sang an off-key, modern style pop song, instead of actual bird song. Indy passed a hippo police officer, who was heading over to give them a ticket for using something other than the approved background music.

Indy took a deep breath of the clear morning air, and gave a satisfied sigh. "Gooooood morning Happy Vale!"

Indy was a donkey, pretty clearly a Toon, as he was blue, two feet tall, and looked more like a plushie than a real donkey, with rounded, adorable proportions, and a little ruffled hair between his long ears. A big grin was constantly on his face. "Morning, Officer Hips!" He greeted as he passed.

The hippo just grunted, ignoring him. That was fine though!

A group of hamsters drove by in a beat up pickup truck.

Indy waved at the driver. "Hi Doc Slaughter! How's the family?"

The driver glared at Indy. From the backseat, a hamster in a yellow apron and leather mask made a rather rude gesture.

But Indy wasn't bothered. "Nice mask, Jed! Is that Mr. Calice from Mulberry Road?"

They didn't answer. Instead, they sped off, purposefully hitting a puddle to try and splash him, before purposefully hitting a pedestrian on the crosswalk out of spite.

Indy was going to help the person they hit, but before he could, the truck's back door opened, and Jed reached out, grabbing the stunned, purple feline, who let out an "Eek!" as he was dragged into the moving vehicle, which sped off, vanishing around the corner.

There was a brief beat of awkward silence, before Indy and everyone else present just shrugged, and went on with their day.

He pushed open the door of a local bakery, enjoying the little ring the bell above it gave at his entrance.

There was a little line. Indy wasn't here to order, but he still waited patiently. Being impatient would just make everyone sad!

The rabbit behind the counter closed a pink pastry box for the tapir ahead of him. "Don't be a stranger darlin'!" She said with a wink.

"Thank ya Ms. Lop!" The tapir waved as he left.

But when Indy reached the front of the line, he saw Ms. Lop stiffen. "What are you doin' here, Indy?"

Indy's grin didn't waiver. "I'm sorry! I promise I'm not here for anything sinister! I'm only here about your posting on the city notice board!"

Despite his lack of clothing, Indy reached into a side pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper. "You said you're having some pest problems. The Grinners have started doing community service projects. So I'm here to help!"

Ms. Lop looked at him suspiciously, but slowly relaxed. "Well… I suppose I shouldn't punch a gift donkey in the mouth. Last time the Fog rolled in, it left something behind in my dumpster. Some big hives full of talking bugs. I need 'em gone so I can take the trash out."

"I'll have them gone lickety-split, ma'am!" Indy said, saluting. "Don't you worry! A Grinner is here to take out the trash!"

Ms. Lop frowned. "I don't want you to take out the trash. I want you to get rid of the bugs so I can."

"Huh?" Indy's smile faltered a little. "No uh, it was a joke. I'll take out the trash, like I'll get rid of the… Ya know, I'm just gonna go do it."

The bell rang again as Indy exited, going around the back of Ms. Lop's bakery to see what the trouble was. He was guided by the sound of a loud, petulant, and angry-sounding buzzing.

The hives stuck up out of the big, blue dumpsters, keeping the lid propped open. They looked like giant sand castles, even with little holes that looked like windows.

Within those windows squirmed insects. It was kind of hard to see exactly what they looked like, since they were always moving, and were so closely packed together. But Indy glimpsed shiny, black carapaces, translucent wings, and not much else.

He was a little squicked out at the obviously eldritch bugs, but Indy stepped up to the hive nonetheless. "Hey there!" he greeted. "Ms. Lop says you fellas can talk!"

"What do you want, mortal!?" The swarm said in many humming voices.

Indy's smile became a little nervous. His heart inexplicably started beating extremely quickly. "Well, it seems you're causing her some trouble by being back here and scaring Ms. Lop's poor customers, so if you can just move somewhere else—"

He was cut off by the buzzing getting louder and angrier. "This is the territory of the Dzara. We have chosen it as our new homeland after a great exodus and much suffering. We are above you mortals in the Celestial Hierarchy. We will not leave."

"Oh, uh, see, that won't really work." Indy tried to keep his smile diplomatic. "Maybe we can find you a nice trash can on the bea—" A high-pitched whine started rising from the hive, which instantly had Indy on-edge. It sounded like some kind of sci-fi superweapon charging up, or an angry customer at Pal-Mart screaming at an employee in a pitch so high that you could barely hear it. "What uh… What are you doing?"

The whine turned into a scream louder than a jet engine, and a black cloud surged out of the hives. Indy's own scream was lost amidst the maelstrom of noise as the swarm surrounded him. He was assaulted by hundreds of stings, dozens of bites, a few of what felt like slaps, and at least one horrifyingly offensive series of insults that will not be repeated here.

"Ow! Hey! Oof! Ouch! Not the face!"

Thankfully, the Dzara weren't funny enough to properly kill a Toon. As his death wasn't a funnier prospect than his survival, when they felt they'd taught him a sufficient lesson, Indy was summarily booted from the top of the multi-story cloud of insectoid bodies. He flew over the restaurant, and thudded onto the sidewalk outside the front door.

His body was inflamed to nearly twice its size with big, red wasp stings, horribly bruised, and tagged with eldritch symbols that were probably an insult, made in red spray paint. Indy had to fumble for a moment. He let out a groan of pain as he forced his hoof into his hammerspace pocket, and pulled out a sharp sewing needle.

Jabbing the needle into his side caused a loud *bang*, and opened a big hole. Pressurized air hissed out of it, sending Indy flying around like a deflating balloon.

He landed on his hooves, almost good as new, insect bites, cuts, bruises, and possibly offensive graffiti all gone. After a smoothing of his fur, the hole he'd jabbed in his side was gone.

But frustration chewed at the edges of his brain. He had a very hard time keeping his smile. There was a strong pressure around his skull, and an itching on his scalp. It was like his head was being squeezed by something through a scratchy, wool blanket. His ears hung limply at the sides of his head.

Indy had to stop and breathe. In, hold, out. Slower and slower. The frustration, pressure, and itching slowly went away, and his ears perked back up. His smile snapped back into its slot. Alright. I can do this.

He marched back around the building. "Heya! I can tell you guys are angry. Maybe there's something we can work ow OW nononono! Not again!"

This time was even worse than last time. It lasted nearly twice as long, and the insults had expanded to include his mother, grandfather, and fourth cousin, whom was oddly enough the only one that they referred to by name.

With a resounding thud, he landed on the front sidewalk, once again mangled beyond all recognition, and this time with a cartoony image of a donkey with X'd-out eyes on his forehead. After once again using the needle to restore himself to normal, Indy popped up, still smiling, but eyebrows irately slanted as he went back around to the dumpsters. "Okay, guys, really? I'm trying to help come up with a solution that'll make everyone happy, but—"

CLANG!

Suddenly, Indy's vision spun with stars as his body was violently forced into the second dimension.

An anvil had fallen from the sky, squashing Indy flat.

Several dozen poodle-sized bees, each covered in greasy, black fur, buzzed down to retrieve the anvil, gently lifting it back into the dumpster. One of them hawked up a loogie and spat it on the smiling, blue donkey pancake beneath it. "The Dzara do not compromise!" it warned, before hovering back into the hive.

Weakly, Indy tilted his arm up and down, pumping air into his body to push it back into shape. When he finally popped back into shape, his eyebrows were even more tilted, and so was he! "Alright, that's it!"

Indy was so mad, he actually managed to pull a large barrel labeled with the letters TNT from his hammerspace pocket, complete with a pre-lit fuse. He heaved it into the dumpster, and dashed away, angry buzzing chasing him.

But as he knelt down outside the front doors with his ears plugged and his eyes closed, the buzzing didn't grow any closer. Instead, there was a dull thud right next to him, and a strange hissing.

He opened his eyes. Next to him was a large box from the Congo delivery service. A piece of paper had been taped to it. Indy leaned closer, squinting to read the tiny print on it. "Express mail, return to sender…" he read aloud. "Huh. Must be that blender I sent to Aunt Sandy. Kinda ungrateful for her to just send it back, but…" His voice died out when he opened it, and the TNT barrel popped out of the too-small box, landing next to him with an even louder thud.

The fuse, of course, was still lit.

He glanced through the glass front doors, locking eyes with Ms. Lop. "Help?" he said hopefully.

The rabbit shook her head, and pressed a button on the counter.

Metal blast doors thunked closed over the glass ones.

Indy's smile finally faded. He let out a heavy sigh. "Aw, beans."

BOOM!

Indy's ears rang as the explosion sent him flying several blocks away. He plowed headfirst into a mailbox, which bent backwards, and catapulted him back the way he came like a baseball pitcher aiming a throw at a rowdy fan.

He landed hard enough to leave a spiderweb of cracks in the concrete sidewalk, and staggered to his hooves seconds later.

Once the dizziness and deafness had faded, Indy slumped against the bakery wall, defeated. That pressure in his skull, and itching on his scalp returned. He could hear again, but a constant ringing in his mind whined like it was berating him for his failure.

Making his depression spell worse, a meaty, clawed paw clamped down on Indy's shoulder.

When he glanced up, his vision was eclipsed by an open mouth, and his vision was swallowed by blackness, as his upper body was swallowed by the homeless person who had just walked up to him.

"Mmmph!" Thinking quickly, he reached out one of his ears to tickle his devourer's uvula.

Indy was hacked up, landing roughly on the ground, along with a small pile of cassowary feathers.

The honey badger he'd seen earlier coughed and sputtered. He was dressed in a ragged, sweat-stained wifebeater, and no pants. He seemed to have mange, as there were several bald patches all over his dusty, grayish fur. "Dammit! Can't a fella get a second breakfast without gettin' punched in the inside of the throat?"

"Sorry sir!" Indy said, smiling politely as he got to his hooves. "But I have things to do today. Are you okay? I hope I didn't hurt you too bad."

"Bleh. Don't worry. I'm fine." The honey badger rubbed his throat. "Just hungry still. I haven't eaten much lately."

"Aww. I can buy you some breakfast from Ms. Lop's if you…" Indy suddenly paused as an idea popped into his head. "Wait, do honey badgers eat bees? I heard something about that."

"Well no, we eat honey and bee larvae," the honey badger replied, as if that line had been heavily rehearsed. "But I'm pretty much immune to bee stings, and I'm hungry enough to eat anything. Why?"

Indy's grin got a little wider. Sinisterly so. "I think I've got someone you'll just love to eat… I mean meet."

Once the blast doors opened back up, Indy strolled back through the front doors.

Ms. Lop had apparently been about to go check on him, and held a white first-aid kit in one hand. "Oh good! You're okay."

"Better than okay!" Indy confirmed. "In a couple minutes, your problem will be solved!"

From outside, they heard the honey badger speak up. "Oh, JACKPOT!"

The Dzara buzzed angrily. "Another mortal? Begone, fool!"

"I ain't gonna be gone! Imma boutta be full!"

The angry screaming sound made Ms. Lop flinch a little. "What… What is this?" The Dzara began to sound alarmed. "Why do our stingers and jaws not pierce your hide?"

"Is that Crazy Dennis?" Ms. Lop whispered to Indy.

"Yup! He's pretty cool when there's food in it for him," Indy replied.

"No! He has devoured the barracks! Keep him away from the hatchery!"

"Hell yeah! Crazy Dennis is havin' eggs for breakfast!"

"Flee! All warriors and workers, flee! Get the queen to safety! He is invincible!"

The wrathful screaming of the Dzara now sounded only terrified, as it faded into the distance.

Moments later, Crazy Dennis walked in the front door, belly completely distended, and collapsed into a booth for a nap. Before falling asleep, he gave Indy a thumbs up.

Ms. Lop could only stare. "...Huh. Well, I guess I owe ya one, Indy."

"Just one smile!" Indy replied happily, pulling up at the corners of his mouth a little to demonstrate.

Ms. Lop laughed, and smiled back! "Alright. I guess ya ain't so bad. But…" Her smile grew a little more fragile. "...be careful, ya hear? Not a lotta people are gonna tolerate y'all being back in town. I may not like your friends, but you're a good kid, and I'd hate to see ya hurt."

"I'll be okay!" Indy said as he walked out the door. "Have a nice rest of your day!"

"Hang on now!" She interrupted before he could leave. "I said I owe ya one. Least I can do is give ya breakfast."

She scooped out a slice of pecan pie, put it in a to-go box, and gave it to him. "On the house. I know it's your favorite."

Indy beamed brightly. "Thank you so much!"

His happiness was infectious, and she couldn't help but smile back. "You're welcome. Go on now. I'm sure you got other places to be."

Chapter 2

After leaving the bakery, Indy stopped in the park to eat his pie. Pecan really was his favorite. His mom used to make it, before…

…well, before things that ought not be talked about.

His first task of the day complete, and his breakfast eaten, Indy skipped merrily along Main Street. None of the other postings he'd plucked from the city notice board seemed to need help anymore, as they all refused him entry. One of them even pulled a gun on him and told him to get off their property! Their situation must have really improved to deny help so strongly! Hopefully that meant that things were better since he'd left town.

Indy heard the buzz of a cell phone from his hammerspace pocket, and a few lyrics from the song Smile Forever played as he answered it. "Yello?"

"Whaaaaaaat!? I thought you were blue!" greeted his girlfriend's voice on the other side, giggling.

Indy laughed too. "Thanks, Salmon. I needed a good laugh."

"It's what I live for!" Salmon replied. Then her tone grew a little more serious. "I just wanted to call and check on you. Some other Grinners said they saw you earlier, and that it looked like you were having an episode."

"Oh uh… yeah. I was having a bit of a hard time," he admitted sheepishly. "But I'm all good now!"

"Are you sure?" Salmon asked. "You do have your special formula ration, right?"

Indy reached into his hammerspace pocket to check, and his eyes widened when he felt no small vial in there. "Uh, yup! Yup! Got it right here! Haha!" He really didn't want to upset Salmon. He'd just hurry through the rest of his route, and take it when he got back home.

"Okay…" He could tell Salmon was a little suspicious. But she believed him. "Just be careful, alright? We don't want you suddenly going Super Downer on everyone."

"I'll be fine!" He assured. "I gotta go for now! Love yooooou!"

"I love you too!" She said, returning to her usual chipper tones. "Make us proud, Indy!"

Indy hung up the phone, and slouched a little. Not only had he not remembered his day's dose of the pink liquid that kept all the Grinners perpetually happy, but he didn't even remember if he'd taken yesterday's either.

But he couldn't just give up! He'd just have to fuel himself on the gratitude of others!

He took one step away from the table, was grabbed by the throat, and lifted off of the ground.

"Good morning, Mr. Montoya," a very polite tiger in a sharp, black suit greeted.

"Oh hey Talbot!" Indy said in an excited, but mildly strangled tone. "How have you been?"

Talbot punched Indy in the face, making a sound like a dog's squeaky toy. "Well enough. I just got a promotion at work!"

"Oof! That's great!" This obviously wasn't as bad as the Dzara's stings, but Talbot was still a professional at this. As a fist to the gut honked him like a car horn, Indy couldn't help but wonder if it was really that much better.

"Apologies, old chap!" Talbot said earnestly. "Ms. Roma wants to know why you're back in town, but asked me to deliver the message that you're not welcome before I asked."

"I'm just helping people out!" Indy replied. "Like I usually do. If you're looking to learn anything else, I could have Salmon call you."

"Now now, Mr. Montoya," Talbot chided, lifting Indy by his ears. "You know there's no point in lying."

Indy held up his hooves. "Okay, okay! No need to get serious. Put me down."

Talbot did so.

Indy let out a sigh of relief. "The lease on the town fairgrounds is almost up. Salmon is hoping if we're really nice to people, the city council might vote to approve us buying it."

"The city council is controlled by the Fog worshippers," Talbot said, taking out something from his pocket. He flicked out a switchblade, tapping it against his arm impatiently. Still, he kept his tone polite. "You know they'll never allow that."

"Salmon said she had a plan for that!" Indy said quickly. "She didn't tell me what it was! I swear."

Talbot tapped the knife for a few more seconds. Then he nodded. "Alright. I believe you." He gestured for a lion and a bear in similar suits to his own, and they came forward with a burlap sack. "Well, I had best be going. Where do you want it this time?"

"Oh my…" Indy put a hoof to his chin in thought. "Well the kidney really hurt, and when I picked my gut, I actually wound up in the hospital for a few days, because I got an infection. So maybe somewhere less vital?"

"Righty-o!" Talbot grabbed Indy's front-right leg, and stabbed the switchblade into his shoulder.

"GAAAAAAH! BAKED! NAVY! KIDNEY! PINTO!" Indy shrieked.

"Oh, don't be a baby, Indigo," Talbot chided. "It'll heal in the scene transition."

"I hope your family has a nice weekend…" Indy groaned.

"Thank you. Gentlemen?"

Indy's vision went dark as he was stuffed into the burlap sack, which was tied up behind him.

"This interrogation was brought to you by RomaCorp," Talbot informed. "If you have any complaints, please call our customer service line."

Indy could feel them walking for a moment, and then he was flying.

With a big splash, Indy was suddenly immersed in some very cold water!

Being tied in a bag and tossed into a hazardous situation wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to Indy at the hands of the Roma Corporation, but when he eventually escaped the sack, he unfortunately was reminded that he couldn't swim, and just generally had to flail and float upwards. After a minute or two, he emerged onto the shore of the park's duck pond. Indy was still soaked and sore. On the bright side, his stab wound had healed, as-promised. On the not-so-bright side, a duck pecked him on the head as he stood to his hooves.

"Erm… Are you okay?"

Indy turned. Several dobermans in gray suits stood, watching him. They weren't Toons. He could tell because of the lack of outlines, and more photorealistic fur. Their suits were cheaper than the ones of the RomaCorp goons. They were probably from some government or another. Indy could tell by the fact that one of them was holding a different kind of bag; the type one might shove over your head when kidnapping you.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine!" Indy lied as he shook himself dry.

The g dogs shared looks of concern. "Well uh… We were gonna take you back to our mobile command center," the lead one admitted. "But honestly, we've been following you all day, and I feel too bad for you to do that. Would you be willing to answer a few questions?"

"Of course!" Indy was more than happy to just sit and help some grateful people out.

The doberman with the blindfold bag pouted in disappointment.

But the leader one just looked relieved. "Perfect." He pulled out a tape recorder, and clicked it on. "This is Agent Edmund, interviewing Anomalous Location 789 Resident 255. Please state your name for the record."

Indy jumped a little as the recorder was held out to him. "Uh… My name's Indigo Westley Montoya."

"Thank you. How long have you lived in Happy Vale?"

"Let's see…" He put a hoof to his chin in thought. "I came here when I was sixteen. Sooooo about ten years? Oh. But I was gone for about a year or two recently."

Edmund nodded. "Why were you away?"

"Well, I'm part of a big group called the Grinners. We like keeping Happy Vale happy! But the fog worshippers like keeping everyone afraid and sad, and they have a lot of friends in high places. So they tricked us into doing something dumb, and an angry mob chased us out of town."

"Where are the other Grinners now?" Edmund asked.

Indy brightened. "Oh! We took over an old ski lodge out on the mountain. If you go there, you can talk to our leader Salmon. She'd know way more about all this than I would!"

The agents all shared a look. Several of the others nodded at Edmund, who turned back to Indy. "Could you tell us where she's at, then?"

"Of course!" Indy pulled out a notepad, and scribbled some directions down on it. "Here! Tell her Indy sent you. I'm sure she'll be happy to answer any questions."

Edmund took the sheet of paper. "Thank you. We appreciate the help."

"Not a problem at all!" Indy said, grin back in full force. "And thank you for being so polite about it! Have a great day!"

For once, Indy got to go about his business without anyone getting hurt!

Now, where to next?

He didn't seem to be having a lot of luck in the center part of town. RomaCorp and the Fog Worshippers had too much territory. Hm. Well, I could go down to Duff Fields, but I'd really rather not get shot today for being fifty feet away from someone's porch. Crystal Elm Trail, maybe? That's closer to Grinner Central, but I don't think the campers in the woods would appreciate overzealous cheeriness in their relaxing wilderness. Not to mention I might ruin the stealth of all the masked guys with machetes.

His ears perked up. "Oh! Machete Beach! That place is perfect! Well, honestly it sucks, and is pretty horrifying, but…"

"Hey!"

A group of sharks had apparently overheard Indy thinking out loud. They were all bullishly large. Great, white teeth were exposed in sinister grins. They were all dressed in medical scrubs. One had blood all over him.

Indy's ears flopped. "You guys are from Machete Beach, aren't you?"

The bloody one nodded.

Indy's grin vanished, and he gave a frustrated sigh. "Alright. I know what's about to happen. Let's get this over with."

Indy hopped safely out of a taxi onto the road near Machete beach, smile back and mood restored. "I still can't get over that those sharks were nice enough to pay for my cab! I really misjudged them!"

He held out a hoof. An exhausted-looking pixie hovered up in a utility uniform with the words "Joke Explanation Fairy" on the back, gave him a bundle of money tied in a rubber band, and slowly hovered off.

"Thanks Fumbleora!" Indy said to her back. "You really should stop by Grinner Central sometime! You look like you could use a break!"

The Joke Explanation Fairy didn't look back. Instead, she raised her somewhat stereotypical, star-tipped wand vaguely in his direction.

The cab exploded into shrapnel and flame.

Indy was thankfully just frozen in fear instead of burnt to a crisp, still grinning because he didn't know what to do at the sight of a mini mushroom cloud. He didn't see the taxi driver in the burning wreckage, and hoped that meant he'd gotten out at some point, and hadn't been disintegrated.

Anyway, on to business!

Machete Beach was a tourist magnet… to anyone who knew absolutely nothing about the place. Oh, sure, it was sunny, with white sand, clear water, and good waves for surfing. Buuuuuut…

Screams of course forced Indy to shut his ears to avoid being deafened, as a yellow chipmunk in a pink hat was dragged into a hoard of assorted, nondescript people. It was actually impossible to identify anything about them other than the fact they were assorted and nondescript. "No! Please!" the chipmunk begged. "I don't need a focus group! I'm fine the way I am!"

She was dragged into the center of the crowd, and the sound of screams was replaced with the nails-on-a-chalkboard sound of extreme rewriting.

Indy gave them a wide berth. It seemed that the movie industry infected coastal parts of every town.

Then there were more stereotypical threats.

A gigantic tentacle extended out of the water, large enough to tower over the boardwalk by over a hundred feet.

It tapped a mole eating at a boardwalk seafood restaurant on the shoulder. When the mole turned around, the tentacle snatched his french fries, and retreated into the sea.

Several surfers caught a seemingly-perfect wave. But as they got steady on it, it suddenly transformed, becoming a giant, muscular, and somehow hairy wrestler made of water. It grabbed a surfer in each meaty arm, and threw them into the air like a catapult. It jumped up, grabbing them both by the throat, and chokeslammed them into the depths with an anticlimactic bloop.

Indy didn't really have any community notice board requests here. But the place was so full of random danger and inconvenience that he really didn't need them to find people in need of help.

But there was a problem.

Indy… wasn't feeling great. Little nice things had happened to boost his mood, but he could feel that he was well-and-truly out of the effects of Salmon's special formula. He had no idea how many times he'd frowned this morning, a sure sign that it had worn off. If he didn't get another dose soon…

The feeling came back. Itching on his scalp. Pressure in his skull. A ringing in his ears.

He shook himself. He'd just do one last thing, and take a cab back home. He couldn't let the Weight drag him down while he was out in public like this.

"Help!" Yelled a voice. The voice was deep, and somewhat ridiculously over-masculine, like some kind of ancient god in a toga. "HELP!"

It was coming from under the boardwalk, below a set of several fishing poles.

Indy peeked over the edge. A big fish, like a tuna with rainbow scales, dangled from the end of a fishing line, with a nasty hook through its lip.

"Please!" He called up, somehow speaking clearly. "Assist me!"

"I dunno…" Indy replied, ears falling. "You look like a really good catch. I feel like helping you escape would ruin a fisherman's day."

"I am a master of the arcane!" The fish begged. "Reality bends to my will! Save me, and I will grant you a wish without limit!"

Indy's ears snapped upright. That was a perfect solution to his problem! He could use that wish to help a bunch of people at once, then head home without the Weight being a problem!

Despite the fact the fish was several times bigger than him, Indy pulled it up with relative ease, and carefully removed the hook from the fish's mouth.

The fish rubbed the sore lip. "Thank you, son of the House of Asinus. I am eternally in your debt. You may have any wish you desire. Simply name it."

Indy's reply was instant. "I wish everyone on the beach could have a fantastic day today!"

There was a pause, and nothing happened. The fish just stared at him. "That's it?" The fish said testily. "Infinite possibilities, the ability to bend reality to your will, and that's the extent of your imagination?"

Indy flinched. "Hey, there's no need to be mean. I just want—" His mouth was squeezed shut by an invisible grip.

"No!" The fish interrupted. "That is the most idiotic, limited, small-minded wish I have ever heard! You are going to sit there while I berate you!"

The itching on his scalp. The pressure in his skull. The ringing in his ears. They all came back fiercely. There was nothing he could do to stop them. He wanted to warn the fish, warn anyone, but he couldn't with his mouth held shut.

Tears started to leak from the corners of Indy's eyes. The fish's words had faded together into an unintelligible white noise. Indy could feel his emotions start to dull, then fall. His body and mind went numb.

Then came the Weight.

The terrible Weight.

It was over Indy's whole body, but it was more mental and emotional. It was an utter lack of the will to live. The will to do anything, really.

The fish noticed Indy falling limp in his telekinetic grip. "What are you doing?" The words sounded slightly garbled, as if Indy was underwater.

Indy's eyes were bloodshot, but empty and staring listlessly. He wasn't smiling. Instead, he was frowning so hard that it was hard to ever picture him smiling.

Slowly, the space around him began to turn blue. As if a filter had been activated to steal all other color. The air around him wobbled, like intense heat creating a mirage.

"W-what is this?" The fish demanded, as the blue began to encompass him. "What are you doing to me?"

Indy knew what the Weight did. What it was like. But it had stolen away his ability to care, his ability to even function, or care about his self-preservation. The same thing it was about to do to the fish.

He wasn't listening to the fish's protests. Eventually they stopped.

The Weight didn't stop spreading after the telekinetic grip released Indy, letting him fall onto his side. The blue distortion continued to expand in a sphere around him. Passersby who entered it stopped for a moment in puzzlement, before giving up, and falling to the ground like Indy had.

Eventually, the whole boardwalk was consumed. The people on the sand and in the ocean noticed the giant, blue field creeping towards them, but none knew enough to run.

Indy couldn't care.

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