It's the end of the world as we know it · 4:12am Dec 19th, 2012
Hey guys well as you all know it's 2012, the year when nothing extraordinary will happen...
Anyways I recently wrote an opinion piece for our student newspaper and I wanted to share with you guys, sorry for this having nothing to do with ponies I just thought that you guys would like to see it what with us all dying a terrible death soon. (keep in mind that I had to make this fairly short and didn't have time to cover more of the better theories, aliens, zombies, exc... and that I had to keep it PG13 ish although I did manage to get a sex joke into the first sentence without anyone noticing :) Also keep in mind that I had to oversimplify things a lot on the theories that i did list.
It’s 2012 and that means that it’s once again time for everyone to put on their cult robes, gasmasks, and hazmat suits and get into the fallout shelters, and hopefully find someone nice to wait out the impending apocalypse with. Now before you start drinking any questionable Kool-Aid or desperately trying to flag down passing UFOs with your towels I’d like to go over some of the common 2012 theories with you if you’ve got the time. Then again you may not; what with it being the end of the world as we know it and all.
Throughout history many cultures have entertained the idea of the end of the world from the Norse with their idea of Ragnarock to the Christians and the Book of Revelations, more on that later. Nowadays our society relies on a combination of folklore and fear of new technology to supply us with our doomsday theories. The one that’s currently trending is the idea that the world will end at the end of the year 2012.
This belief comes from the idea that the Mayans’ calendar is finite. The Mayan Calendar was a large stone celestial calendar that the Mayans used to plan out major events, and they believed that it could be used to predict the future. Let’s start this list of theories off starting with the more believable and slowly work our way out to the unlikely shall we?
First we have the ever dependable Nuclear Holocaust Theory. This theory came about during the Cold War, when tensions between the United States and the former Soviet Union were at a boiling point and both country’s’ nuclear arsenals were primed to go off. Thankfully, that never happened. Since the dismantlement of the Soviet Union at the end of the Cold War, the human imagination has run wild with thoughts of nuclear holocaust and people have been searching for a date to attach to it. The year 2012 is the most recent date decided upon thanks to the Mayans, and even though no one, besides the USA, has a significant enough nuclear arsenal to really accomplish much, that hasn’t stopped people from speculating that this is the year. If the world does end up dying in nuclear fire then I for one hope that I can get into a long-term fallout shelter before the bombs fall and wait it out listening to Frank Sinatra. All right then on to the next most likely theory on the market. Keep in mind I mean that relatively.
Next on the table is the Theory of Geometric Shift. This involves the geomagnetic field that surrounds the Earth slowly being eaten away or vanishing entirely. The Earth’s field is one factor that helps to protect us from cosmic radiation; the loss of this extra layer of protection alone could have devastating effects on most forms of life more complex than a single cell. This particular theory is tied to the 2012 Mayan apocalypse theory because several of the other theories involve some form of extraterrestrial radiation.
This theory becomes unlikely when you take into consideration the fact that the Earth’s current magnetic field, although decreasing in overall strength, is still above average compared to other times during the planet’s history. This concept should not be confused with the Polar Shift Theory which is something completely different and involves the planet’s magnetic poles, North and South, swapping ends.
This next theory revolves around something that we all know very well, unless you live underground of course. That thing is the sun. The way that most people see the sun is as the benevolent light in the sky that helps us see and feed ourselves. The sun, however, is not just a light in the sky. It is a large ball of molten gas, mostly hydrogen, which has been burning for a very long time. Thanks to its nature, the sun from time to time releases bursts of energy and radiation in events dubbed “solar flares”.
Normally these flares are relatively harmless, although they do on occasion mess with some of the newer modern technology. Some theorize that if there were a large enough solar flare then it could sweep over the earth, scouring it clean with fire and radiation, destroying all in its path. Alternatively, instead of burning us all to death, a massive solar flare could in theory destroy many different forms of communication and other modern technology, thereby sending us into a temporary Dark Age. The solar flare theory has been tied to 2012 thanks to the theory involving geometric shift, with concerned parties pointing to solar flares as the things that could overwhelm the weakened magnetic field.
This theory has been disproven by scientists at NASA who cite the fact that, while the current solar cycle (the system of measurements used to record and predict solar flares) has predicted for more solar flares to occur this year, none of them are going to be powerful enough to cause anywhere near the amount of damage the theory assumes they would. At the most you’d lose cell phone connection for an hour or two so don’t bother backing up your hard drives. Theory number three will be the last one having to do with the heavens, at least the space kind, because frankly there are dozens if not hundreds of them and I could run with them for another thousand words.
The Ort Cloud Theory involves a large group of comets located a little beyond the farthest planet of our solar system, which is either Pluto or Neptune depending on who you ask. This group of comets is called…you guessed it, the Ort Cloud. This theory involves some outside force disrupting the cloud and sending dozens of comets rushing towards the earth and the catastrophic damage they will cause if they impact.
Now hopefully if our astronomers saw a giant ball of rock and ice hurtling towards Earth they’d contact the government, or governments if we’re going to go multicultural with the fate of the world, and they’d do the logical thing. That would be sending a man on a ship to plant a bomb so that we can hit it first and destroy it. Well maybe they wouldn’t do that…The Ort Cloud is associated with 2012 because some believe that on the last day of the year a great celestial event, planetary or galactic alignment, will cause the comets’ orbits to be interrupted and send them towards Earth. Okay, time to get to the non-space based theories, trust me I could list another dozen or so if I wanted to but I’m going to call it a day.
I’m sure that most of you reading have heard of Nostradamus, for those of you who haven’t know that he was a man who came up with hundreds of incredibly vague prophecies. Nostradamus’s theories are intentionally vague and open-ended and can be applied to just about any great event so why not apply them to 2012?
While Nostradamus never emphasized an exact date like 2012, there is one particular prophecy that links the impact of a comet to the end of the world thus giving the Ort Cloud theory more support. In Century 5 Quatrains 32, Nostradamus has this to say about that comet. “Where all is good, the Sun all beneficial and the Moon / Is abundant, its ruin approaches: / From the sky it advances to change your fortune. / In the same state as the seventh rock.” However, like all of his prophecies, this statement could be interpreted in hundreds of different ways. In fact, if this about the end of the world as we know it, then I’d say that the part about it changing the Earth’s fortune is a bit of an understatement.
This last 2012 theory that I’ll be discussing here is the one that I personally see as the least likely. Well at least of the ones that I had room to talk about, because trust me there are many far more outlandishness ones out there. That would be the events described in the Book of Revelations. This theory involves the end of the world as we know it, the final battle between good and evil, and all that other stuff including the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse along with a lot of theological stuff that I’m not touching with a ten foot pole.
The theory goes a bit like this; oh and keep in mind that I’m glossing over a lot of it to save time. The Antichrist, the son of Satan, shall come to power after a series of disasters. Once he’s in power he will, through a mix of charisma and evil powers, become a dictator of phenomenal power. Once that’s done he’ll unleash several great beasts from hell who will ravage the land, destroying hospitals, orphanages, Twinkie factories, and all that other fun apocalyptic stuff. He’ll also raise an army of people to try and assault Heaven. Meanwhile the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death will be running around spreading their namesakes. Eventually God will send down angels led by Jesus, who carries a sword in his mouth, and there will be a big fight followed by the end of the world and the creation of a new one.
The main problem with this theory, at least this year, is the lack of a rather important player whose involvement is required in order to bring about this particular apocalypse. That player is of course the Antichrist. Without him to drive the plot forward, nothing apocalyptic can happen. At the moment no one sticks out as a hell-spawn bent on world domination. The only men (or I suppose it could be a woman thanks to the power of equal opportunity in our modern world) who it really could be at this would be the current leaders of Iran and North Korea. It is in my opinion, however, unlikely that either of them are the Antichrist; neither of them have either the raw charisma, or the sheer amount of political support that are required for the position.
So there you have it: a list of several of the possible end of the world theories that could be directly related to 2012. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to stocking my bunker with bottled water and canned food along with picking out which Dean Martin songs I want to listen to as I pass the time
I know the worlds not going to end because it is stated in the Bible that we will not know it until it is too late.
"...for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:2
My theory: The Reapers are going to use the Mass Relay near Pluto to attack Earth, and we're not going to be ready because we didn't listen to Commander Shepard.
Every time the end of the world is predicted, god (fate, cosmos, etc) pushes the date back just for kicks
The world isn't going to come to an end because of some outside force. It'll be destroyed by all of the idiots rioting on the 21st.
Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?
627204 Dude in the 2000s, we've had people making nuclear bunkers and hiding their families since 2001 where there was an end of the world scare, and obviously it didn't happen and never will, people will just keep thinking up religious ways for our days to end because humans are spiritually starved, so don't expect these to end any time soon.
Dood you forget the possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse ya know?
Oh and dont forget to stock up in MLP Provisions
China actually has more nukes than th' U.S.