Letter #5

Dear Princess Celestia,

Hello there. Been awhile again. I don't particularly like opening up. When I do It usually backfires in someway or another. I attribute that to my nature as a person.

I decided to open up again. First time in several years since I have done so with the other party being able to actively speak with me. They did not understand. They could not understand. How could they?

I watched my friend die. I heard her die. Her screams of agony. Saw the look on that mans face as he ended her life all those years ago. Ever since then I struggle to talk to others. Even more so to turn a camera on.

This friend of mine. He lives on the side of the aggressor. Not that he is the aggressor, more that they happen to live under them. He doesn't really have the choice to not do so. Leaving one's home is difficult and takes great courage, especially if you are leaving everything and everyone else behind to do so.

I cannot fault him for not leaving, nor would I. Were I in the same situation, I would not leave. I would stay till the bitter end. My family is my life. Without my promise to my brother and adoptive father to stay alive, I would have ended my life many years ago.

So what is the point of this? Why am I writing? That is simple.

I opened up to this friend. Flipped a coin three times. Three times I went against what I wanted to do. Three times I did the inverse of what my mind was telling me to do. Three times I listened to my heart instead of....

I told them of her death. I told them why I do not like talking, let alone speaking through a camera. They asked many times in the past. I cannot blame them. I too would believe the person on the other end is not who they say they are if it was only ever through a letter for many years.

They did not understand. They wonder what they did wrong, why her death would correlate to speaking to him simply through voice.

Why this friendship of ours would break over something as simple as the trauma that infests my sleep.

I find myself at an impasse. I am the only one who can change the current state of affairs. Usually when something like this happens, I drop of the face of the world by no longer partaking in any community I am apart of, simply to bury the pain of betrayal. The betrayal of my friends. My betrayal. My failure to trust them long enough that they can understand.

I have done this dance four times now. This time I will not sever the connections I have formed as my heart will not survive again.

Instead I elect to sever the connection to that failed friend and to never let another entity so close to my heart again. I will embrace the agony of being truly alone so that I will not have the opportunity to hurt the ones I care for again.

I feel nothing but terror for this discussion. I will continue to live without any others by my side. To only have my brother and adoptive father to help me when I cry out.

I know this is the wrong discussion. Already it hurts. Already I grow colder. Do not help me. I am undeserving of it. I will exist in this life without friendship and love till I embrace death at the end of my journey.

Knowing me, I will live another forty years give or take. I wonder if death will be warmer than the path I have chosen?

-Majora

PS- I will still write to you on the occasion as I still trust you Tia. That friend I lost, this is not his fault. I am merely damaged and well past the point of mending healthily.