This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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So the intrigue grows deeper. Will the Night Guard stumble upon Lemon Pink, or Preys other dark secrets? Willl Sgt. Gloom resign? Who is this Strange?
Another great chapter, don't recall seeing many, if any, errors and I'm most certainly sticking around.
so was that private investigator a changeling?
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My guesses are on... no. He is too well informed which suggests to me that he's likely an investigator hired by a noble. A noble who's likely involved in the salt trade perhaps?
Strange's hard attitude likely could mean that he's very successful at his job, lending favour to the idea of a noble seeking him out. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he lost an acquaintance in the fire which means this is perhaps a personal investigation which would give some manner of credence to his harsh opinion of the Night Guard.
Always love seeing this story update, and with ponies now digging deeper into Preys past some more things may be brought to light. Cant wait for the next chapter^^
Is this the melancholy arc?
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perhaps but that doe not explain why prey can not read his mind, to have such a defense raises a lot of red flags
"Who's this mysterious character"? I get the feeling that Strange
Nob-JockeyHappenstance will be a minor, or maybe even major, reoccurring antagonist. I am reminded of Freddie Lounds, from the 'Hannibal' television serial. Never a good sign.It is heartwarming, however, to see ol' Prey interact with Crimson so; rather wholesome, if I do say so myself, in a story that has thus far proven to be quite grimdark.
The report is somewhat... sinister, though.
Prey might be in trouble, should he become loosey-goosey with his caution: which I sincerely doubt will happen. But now that even one of the Night Guard is harbouring suspicions of him, Skreech will probably want to substantiate or disprove, his claims regarding "something missing". Spoopy.
As usual, I'll proclaim the obvious: exemplary work. My stomach quite literally turned in revolt at reading the "Private Investigator" part, meaning you really nailed his wretchedness down to a "T".
And what a thoroughly enjoyable installation indeed.
I look forward to the next update and wish you the very best.
Regards, Laika.
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Not necessarily. Crimson has stronger-than-average mental barriers, but I suspect that means that he's only more introspective aware. I shan't pretend to understand the whole "mind worm" dynamic, but I suspect SH is merely a creature that is pursuing a grudge or simply executes his job in such a manner: PIs being tricksy a cliche at this point in literature.
I'm not discounting that Prey might be right, but I'm also saying that we see this story from the perspective of a rather paranoid and cynical individual. So, a grain of salt should be taken with some of Prey's assumptions.
That being said, one should always expect the worst.
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Heh, probably. But then again, most of the story in general is rather dark and depressing if you look at it that way.
I read the Kinsey Milhone series ("A" is for Alibi, etc. by Sue Grafton).
My money is on: He is working for an insurance company. I'd bet the lumber yard was insured for a great deal of money. For some odd reason, insurance companies don't like paying out large sums of money. If they can prove that the police caused the fire, they're off the hook.
Based on the questions about the lumber yard fire, that's my guess
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You have to consider that it may be a PI of a more mystical persuasion, or, alternatively, his mental abilities are related to his cutie mark in that his cutie mark may help protect him from more 'out there' abilities.
I wonder if prey will put Gloom’s mind back together? Just a thought
Mmm, that's a very nice tangled ball of intrigue just rolling around. Be a shame if someone tried to unravel it.
Say, didn't Prey mention needing to feed his new pets?
I have the feeling when Lilly wakes up there will be a reckoning
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Considering prey's abilities it'd probably be less of putting it back together and more of wiping most of his memory. Something I wonder if Luna would be able to do for him if needed.
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true he’s more of a butcher than a surgeon. oh and where is my picture of prey with spectacles?
yours?Where—>yours? Where
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"How would you like your mind prepared today sir? Sunny side up or easy over?"
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👍 Thanks. Fixed it now.
And you said previously at some point "they'll take a break" you sly little.
It's always a good read, we also know the useless stingerhead has an influent family, this is cause for concerns, especially with the mare Prey wanted to push to suicide.
Everyone seem to wish to remove Prey from the force, a good idea, but also a dangerous one since... He'll be the liability that will attract all the canterlot vultures for gossip.
I hope he'll get better.
Good chapter, as usual.
Thanks for the chapter!
Man the questions about prey seem to be ramping up very fast for him. He's probably going to need more help to deflect any interest in himself... He should be trying to get gloom and scenic on his side/ more under his influence methinks.
Well, I've had a really bad week but this story is like a soothing balm to my thoughts. Even the horribly dark and depressing parts. Really enjoying how the intrigue is building up. I wouldn't be surprised if this PI was actually hired by the Royal Guard, they are absolutely that incompetent.
Transparency is needed. The bias against the Nightguard and Luna is compounded by the secrets being kept (Not that it would matter since ponies are so naive and xenophobic). I have a feeling this is Luna trying to prove her worth, and now it's spiraling out of control and backfiring spectacularly. I feel like Celestia will be throwing herself into the mix sooner than later because of how much of a fustercluck the situation has become. Prey ain't gonna like it.
At long last, more lines of sheep words for my eyes to snort.
I wonder what happened with that scarecrow leg they teleported? Surely at some point somebody's going to ask questions about the massive wood and metal construct that was yeeted straight into the palace. I don't know if it's really important enough to warrant mention, but it's been on my mind nonetheless.
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this makes me wonder if prey was successful in his attempt at persuading the mare, but it was covered up and she was replaced by a 'mimic'
So weird thought,
We know that changelings have infiltrated the border guard. We don't exactly know the rates of infiltration but it has occurred.
Logically the border guard also has documents on what is possibly the worst war to happen in the last century and potentially the changelings would be able to find Preys file with what might be references to Gossamer's family and during the upcoming hive invasion, they might target him.
This took me four full days of reading to get through, and I don't regret it in the slightest.
This book (Yes, it's a book at this point) is beyond my wildest expectations. The characters are intriguing, the plotline is fascinating, and I have been fully immersed in it the entire time. Grammar is obviously a little weak, but I can forgive that in favour of the storyworld itself.
It's amazing to see what the show looks like from the eyes of an outsider, rather than the happy-go-lucky atmosphere the normal show involved. Not everything is made of sugar and spice in Equestria, and it shows beyond a doubt in this novel.
I might break my rule of nothing being perfect and give this a full 10 out of 10 if it continues like this. Good work!
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Four straight days and now you're all caught up. I'm glad to hear you think it was at least worth it! 😄
It's certainly taken long enough to write, so it's great to hear that the plot is good and worth it, thanks. I did try and make the story world a bit deeper/less shallow than normal. And since I'm a cynic at heart, (not a postie trait but there we go 😋), I can't help but look at Equestria and think, "Wow. They are so racist and privileged. I'm gonna' write about that!"
Here's to hoping you like where the rest of it goes in the future too. 👍
Again, another. . . DANK. . . ass chapters. Finally got caught up. Got intense when Luna almost caught Prey unsuspectingly or when I thought Crimson and everyone else discovered the truth about Prey. Oh, and I can't forget about the sweet, succulent, juicy character development. Man, that was awesome. Anyways, good luck with future chapters and keep up the awesome work.
(I dedicate this meme to 11 people)
i.ibb.co/VC5RWR6/Img-1593769096148.jpg
I’m loving this story! Has somewhat of detective cops, Rambo war aftermath, and magic mystery set inMLP fantasy setting.
Here is a little nursery story spoof. The guard who cried sheep .
There once was acursed lamb who was evil and bloodthirsty as a starved wolf. On a unassuming a patrolling guard sang out “The sheep! Sheep! Sheep! The ewe is coming from the dark woods!”
The entire garrison came running to face the foe and drive the evil away! But when they arrived at the forest line they could not find the sheep. There was many a groan the guards lost of sleep.
“Don’t cry sheep when you don’t find the sheep rookie“ said the garrison. As the search was called once it reached noon.
As dusk approached the same guard cried again “The sheep! Sheep! Sheep! The ewe is coming from the dark woods!” And to garrisons’ annoyance they galloped to trees yet again that day.
When the ranks saw no trace of the ewe they sternly said “Enough! Save your cowardly delusions for discipline tomorrow! You should call for backup when there actually something wrong! Don’t cry ‘Sheep’ when there NO sheep! ”
But the evil ewe just grinned as the tired guards go grumbling down to the fort once more.
....
This seems a good stop. Not much of writer but hope this is ok.
400 like!
Congratulations!
Another milestone crossed!
The story really came a long way. I'm happy to see it finally getting the recognition and love it deserves.
Alright, I might be remembering wrong but wasn't Crimson's Last name originally Fruit? I distinctly remember his name being Crimson fruit but now he's been referred to as trace a couple of times.
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Uh, if I wrote Fruit, then it was by accident. His cutie mark is a blood drop sort of fruit hanging from a free, but his second name was Trace. 😅
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You definitely mixed up fruit and trace several times.
10569964
You have wrote Crimson Fruit 53 times.
49 are in 11.1 Induction Day (Or Night)
1 in 22.1 First we Train, then we Fight
1 in 23.1 A Day at the Market
1 25.2 Rock Candy is bad for your Teeth
1 in 26.2 If you want Something Done, Do it Yourself
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I, wow. WOW. Really? I did? Yikes. I don't... I don't even remember! 😂 I mean, how did you even count those?
(I've gone back and fixed it now, but if I, the writer, can't even remember what I myself was dumb enough to write down, how'd you find them all?)
ATTENTION TO EVERYONE ON THE CRIMSON TRACE vs CRIMSON FRUIT:
So, seems I was incredibly wrong, so sorry to everyone. I meant Trace, I should've written Trace. Sorry all.
you have no idea.... literally.
“This battle scares me less than the food at the Jedi temple”
Obi-wan kenobi