This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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Prey would hate ka
Aww... senpai doesn't like you.
Kill him.
Earlier in the chapter, I found myself wondering why Prey didn't avail himself of the chaotic and dangerous nature of the mission to just... disappear. I'd gotten the impression from previous chapters that he had the most important part - the binding rings - sorted out that the only thing stopping him from doing so was finding an opportune moment. Am I misremembering things, or does he just not want to risk getting caught on his own?
Most Amusing to witness Prey's train of thought especially his thoughts about Shimmer
now is the mysterious figure in the glade a passing traveler soon to be mauled or the mastermind behind the golems.
At any rate, it will be interesting to see if help will arrive before or after the nick of time.
Is Crimson talking to himself?
IMO, right now, Job #1 is "Survive until reinforcements arrive"
& even THAT little is by no means a given
Lilly is a Slack Twisted IDIOT
Water! This well water,
The dang slop don't taste like it oughter
See here, city slicker
That's why we all drink corn liquor
(lyrics from an OLD CW song)
Hm, too many unicorns in this story, too many binds, to many risks.
I just hope most of them will die out before the morning, the poor lad do deserve a break.
The flashback will end soon, I do hope it's a good ending for him, even if he has too many trials even in the city, between the numbskull sargent and the noble who didn't kill herself.
It was an excellent chapter, good job as always.
Now im excited to see when prey finds out about crimsons past
Obviously, he's gathering his forces.
The kindersnatch need time to get there
Or, perhaps he's busy killing all the deer before they can escape
10120327
He's figured out what the bracers do, and how they work. As a result, he knows there's a tracker on them, and he can't figure out how to take them off. He could run away, but if he did Luna can find him. And so, potentially, could the warlock who created the golem.
10120416
My first thought was
Zecorah! Come to save them all!
But, they are a LONG way from Ponyville.
Would Z wander so far?
So, probably the E-VILE wizard
Well it happened, everything went to shit. let's hope the "sudden golem leg" helps speed the reinforcements.
i'm so curious to see what happens next, i love it !!!
Great chapter, loved it!
And so, the Sword of Damocles finally falls. I must say, this chapter has been a mixed bag--emotionally speaking, that is. I am neither assured nor convinced of the Border Guards' motivations, though I am beginning to lean into the fact that Prey's apoplectic prejudice may be colouring our point of view; the Golem is as much a force of nature as ever and Lilly somehow manages to reach new heights of megalomaniacal fantasies, as seems to be par for the course for her character.
To quote V for Vendetta: "It's all gone wrong".
It is infuriating how you've written the Border Guard in such a nebulous fashion, regarding their motives that is... Tempered by the Point-of-View of Prey, I can't get a fix on whether they are just doing their job and carrying out their duty, or, they're of a less savoury nature. To top this off, I've been doing some reading up on the old Sheriffs of the Wild West and, given the diversity of such individuals'... Moral predilections, shall we say, I am as uneasy as I was when they first turned up--not that that was in question. You've done an splendid job of keeping the tension stretched razor-thin for almost the entire time they've been within the Forest (I'd go so far as to say you've made it a character unto itself), making it all the more stressful by pitting our titular protagonist against both impossible forces that seem near-omniscient and the uncertainty of one's allies, though Prey's trust issues hardly help here.
However, I appreciate the calm before the storm moment with Scenic and Crimson. We get to have a look into the red
birb-horse'sPegasus' opinion on Prey, which, no doubt, the aforementioned shall incorporate into ingratiating himself into the Pony's good graces. I've found Crimson to be quite compelling, but it's irritating how little information we really have on him--saying so himself: we don't know his history, not really. Though I like how he took a moment to contemplate whether Prey knew more than he shows.Anyways, I've rambled on for far too long, so I'll cut myself off here.
As always, it's been a pleasure to read the latest installation of your story and I avidly look forward to the next chapter.
Regards, Laika.
They're recalling/ they've recalled
Pegasus'
Whichever
Chilly/chilled. Or is it chill air? :^)
Needs make beggars
Crimson and I
Shifts
Gets
Relaxed sleeping environment
Scenic asking here, not crimson.
Was crimson about to say prey smiled when he dipped his hoof in blood?
Also "they're" attacking. Sounds like the kindersnatches are back.
10120327
Hello,
No, sorry, Prey hasn't figured out how to get out of Luna's tracking rings. He's still working on it, but he doesn't know yet. 😌
10120517
Opps, sorry, that's supposed to be Scenic. My bad, thanks for pointing that out I've changed it now.
10121019
Ahhh, the list of my mistakes for this chapter. How it grows! 🤣 You should've seen how many the editor had to point out to me the first time around.
But thank you very much, I've corrected those now, thanks for taking the time once again. It makes for a much nicer read for everyone else too.
10121062
10120628
Figured it was something like that. Wouldn't be the first time I'd dreamed up details.
I think you mean scenic
i wonder if the warlock taken a interest into prey, he was watching from a far before after all
10120919
Prey does have rather biased views which could quite easily be influencing an honest view of Shimmer and Atlas, yes. Scenic is nice and normal (read: terrified all the time) and Lilly is suicidally brave..
Thanks for thinking I am doing a decent job at the moment. 😇 Tell me if I'm not in the future.
10121653
As it has often been said, there is a fine line between courage and insanity. I get the feeling that Lilly has crossed that verge a long time ago.
When I first read the description I thought this might end up a pretty standard story, a morally black individual is brought back after blank amount of time and starts reacting to things that have changed.
That's what I thought it would be really, and the fact you said This was your first story left me feeling like there would be big grammar errors and/or spelling errors throughout the story.
I'm so glad that I was wrong
This story is fantastic, the characters, setting, and pace are absolutely great. The story is compelling and immersive, the characters motives never seem thrown in or out of place, character development has been a really good point throughout the story so far. Preys way of thinking is his own and instead of shifting that belief system suddenly or out of character to progress his character, we get a realistic way that someone might change their minds. Slowly but surely we see his view change ever so slightly and Everytime that little bit of change breaks through into his actions it feels like a huge accomplishment from the readers standpoint.
God I could drag this on and point out every little thing I've loved about this story, but I don't have the time or the words to really put it together In a way that wouldn't be repetitive or just gushing out words onto the screen so I'll leave with this.
Great fucking story, easily one of the top three I've read in the past three years of being on this site. Fantastic work you and the proofreaders did on this story and I can't wait for the next chapter.
10122380
Well I'm happy to hear the story was not what you expected in the long run if that's a good thing! 😆 And it certainly is the long if you've caught up to here so quickly. I'm glad you like the story, really, and I'm flattered that you think the portrayal of characters feels 'sort of' realistic. Thanks 🍎
10122380
Have to agree with you about the description. When I first saw the story it made me think it's going to be some kind of an amateur edgy story. But I was glad to see it wasn't.
To be honest, I only started to read this because I love the "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" trope which, sadly, isn't used in enough stories. But oh boy, I found me some gold.
Oh I've waited for this moment.
We don't get to see what Crimson thinks of Prey. Finally getting to see him talk about Prey is for me definitely the highlight of the chapter.
To think Crimson would say so bluntly that he doesn't enjoy Prey's company shocked me. Don't get me wrong, it was expected that Crimson won't exactly enjoy being with Prey, especially after the whole "we're not friends" talk Prey gave him back at the market. But after all of this to hear him say that so bluntly was surprising.
It's nice to know at least that he doesn't want other to judge Prey for the people he killed (or at least those Crimson knows he killed).
It appears Prey disturbed Crimson much more then I thought.
Anyways, another great chapter as always. Everything just keeps getting better and better.
Would be funny to see Scenic and Lilly spend time back in Canterlot after all they've been through (From one extreme to another), if they survive, that is.
10123499
Come to think of it. The beginning of the first chapter was also pretty misleading and I wont be surprised if it deterred many readers from the story.
The whole "sound only" thing was odd and misleading. it's the only time it's used in the story, and to be honest, I (and probably many others) don't have a good history with fics that try to present themselves as a TV show or a movie. They tend to be difficult to read at best, and just lazy at worst. So the "sound only" thing can be seen as a red flag.
Don't get me wrong, the first chapter was phenomenal, but even I felt a pit form in my stomach when I saw it. Thankfully I kept reading past it.
10121019
Well, as proofreader, I take responsibility for the errors
Seems like I always miss a few
But "Needs must" is legitimate (if old fashioned) usage
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-nee1.htm
I have to say, this is one of the best stories I've read in my time on fimfic.
Your characters are well developed through show, not tell. Prey's ability to catch minor thoughts could of been written terribly, but you use it tastefully to give depth to every character you introduce.
You have me empathizing with a main character who is flawed in an interesting way mentally to compensate for his rather overpowered abilities that also affect the mind. This is actually pretty clever.
Each decision Prey makes actually follows his logical process well, unless it is influenced by his own flaws. It makes the story flow very well.
You put out large, enjoyable chapters regularly. I always know that I can get a cup of coffee or tea and settle down to enjoy a long chapter.
The formatting is pleasant and errors are so minor and infrequent they are often overlooked.
Thank you for this one, I hope that more readers spot this gem and give it run.
10123529
The "Sound Only" Section was off putting? Huh. I didn't think of that but I see your point. 🤔 Perhaps I should go back and see about changing that first bit or integrating the scene setting in a different way.🍏
10123529
I can confirm this actually. I tried reading the first chapter than gave up and didn't touch it for six months. Kinda glad I did as it made a nice backlog of chapter to read,
Is Prey the lamb on the Yorkshire tea box
10126669
Um, no? Sorry. I've never even seen that tea box, sorry. 😆
This is the one story i genuinely get excited about when i see a new chapter, mad story
10127168
Thank you, I am glad to hear it is something you look forwards to and can enjoy. "Time is the sauce of savouring." 😇
Error Report: it didn't need stitches. (yet later you stated it does so error)
I enjoyed that conversation between Scenic and Crimson, got a bit of inisight into Crimson's thoughts on Prey.
11189184
Thank you for the correction. Also happy you found it entertaining.