Epilogue - Return To Equestria
Epilogue - Return To Equestria
Edge of Grazil September 1st 1001
Pinkie and Chrysalis stood at the end of town waiting for Twilight.
"Here she comes!" Pinkie said as she noticed Twilight walking toward them.
"So, where's Blue and Graymayne?" Chrysalis asked her when she was close enough.
"I... don't know..." she said. "I went to the hospital, but they weren't in the room. I asked the staff, but they said that besides us, nopony left the room."
"Where do you think they went?"
"I don't know. Knowing Blue, he could be anywhere."
"Well, let's not waste any more time standing here!" Pinkie said. "Blue said he'd catch up later, and he will! Right now, we should get you back home!"
Twilight smiled. "I'd like that..."
Edge of Equestria September 1st 1001
"Well, here's the border," Twilight said. "What was your idea again Pinkie?"
"To sneak past it!" she cheerfully replied.
"Right... And how do you purpose we do that?"
"Like this!" she said, falling flat onto the ground and moving like some kind of spy.
"Pinkie, you look ridiculous," Chrysalis commented.
Pinkie ignored her and just continued her weird movements. Eventually, she passed the border and was back in Equestria. "See, it works!"
"That's because you're not the one they want to keep out," Twilight said. "Me and Chrysalis here are the ones who would have trouble."
"Then stop talking and try it for yourselves!"
Twilight and Chrysalis both shook their heads. Twilight slightly stepped back, but Chrysalis fell completely to the ground and started moving like Pinkie did.
"What the heck," Twilight said as she fell to the ground herself and started crawling.
The border seemed to just creep closer and closer as Twilight and Chrysalis laid on the ground. Right before it reached her, Twilight closed her eyes and expected to collide with the invisible barrier.
But it never came.
She opened her eyes and looked around her. She was across the border. She was home.
"See? I told you it would work!" Pinkie said.
"That's strange," Twilight said to herself. "There was no magic at all. Wonder what it could mean..."
"Come on Twilight!" Pinkie called from a slight distance. Twilight looked up and saw her friend walking the path back to Equestria. "Let's go home!"
"Home..." Twilight repeated, smiling. "I'm coming home."
She ran after Pinkie and Chrysalis. She had no idea what awaited her there.
To Be Continued In: The Rise of Twilight
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..........i can't follow this story. you need to work on how you set up scenes and such. its all dialogue without much explanation. you need to write out reactions, expressions, theri surrounding environments. to tell a story you need much more than what they are saying.
also intersting factor. it seems likely they never used the elements of harmony on sombra. thanks to the comics and some spoiler tidbits from that Pony Sisters journal, we get a better timeline. the regal sisters took over equestria after discovery, not after fighting off discord. they defeated discord before sombra. yet during the time frame when sombra rose up, the regal sisters were in disparity. they might have enough union to fight together and protect each other, but they could not use the elements of harmony.
besides, the elements have a tendency to purge dark power from a target. sombra would have had his dark powers destroyed.
4497694 No offence, but that second paragraph has nothing to do with this story. I mean, seriously! That has nothing to do with it! Celestia and Luna also did use the Elements of Harmony to defeat Sombra. that was stated in the episode Sombra was first mentioned in.
Also, I'm sorry that you cannot follow this story's direction. I started this story when I was getting started on FimFiction, and didn't know too much about describing stuff. Later stories of mine have better description.
4497715 by the power of netflix, i say thee nay. just looked up that scene and she never says it was the elements of harmony, and by the looks of it they used their own might to defeat sombra. the beam has more characteristics to what twilight did when she had all their powers mixed into her own.
though i always found it strange that Celestia never says it was her and luna who took him down just that he was overthrown........
hope your writing improves. albeit i am still wondering how someon who subsits by parasitizing other beings is allies with twilight here.
4497752 By the power of YouTube, I know agree with you!
I agree that they didn't use the Elements of Harmony.
Also, thanks. I hope my writing improves too.
Great story i was humming the pink panther theme when pinkie wemt sneak mode
4497772 That seems very funny!
4497764 still think it is kinda iffy for celestia to be so....... well hping she had an alterior motive is the most i can say. you would think that living a millenium would have her experience several circumstances similar to what is going on now.
4497823 She might have, but there are also other universes that have other paths happen.
4497777 hehehe thank you
4527497 Blue is a complicated stallion. With the way he's been traveling, it's hard to keep track of all the places you've been.
Ok, I got as far as Chapter 16 before I had to stop. To be frank, this story has numerous problems.
The first is the straight writing/spelling errors. The most common is "its" instead of "it's", when appropriate (it is used correctly sometimes). Quick rule of thumb: use "it's" if "it is" could be appropriately substituted, and "its" otherwise. There's also straight-up wrong words used, such as this passage at the beginning of Chapter 8:
She's already been convicted of her crimes. I suspect you meant "acquitted".
The second is inconsistencies. The one off the top of my head is the one I mentioned on chapter 13.
4527502 I'm... not certain what this has to do with my statement. The conflicting quotes are here:
Considering the second conversation happens directly after the first one, this is baffling, to say the least.
Also, Starswirl's time travel spell is only supposed to be able to be used once by any given pony. No repeat uses. Maybe she's using a different spell, or fixed that, or something, I wouldn't know, but it hasn't been explained halfway through the story.
The third, and keep in mind that I didn't know your username until I switched from mobile to my computer, is that the story feels like an "Look how important my OC is" fic. Admittedly, one that takes a while to reveal said OC, and is better written than most I've seen, but it doesn't do the story any favors. I was enjoying the story up until Blue came out of nowhere, becomes integral to Twilight, and most recently is the Doctor's companion. Having your username be the same as your OC sets off red flags, too.
Fourth, some things are jarringly out of place. The thing that finally made me say "enough" was the incredibly out-of-place "author talking in story" segment in Chapter 16.
Frankly, though, all of this could be overlooked, if it weren't for the fifth and final major problem: this may be the dullest story I've read in a while. I was very much trying to like the story, and there are hints of something great here, but it feels like it's all tell and no show, and all dialogue seems completely devoid of emotion.
I want to make something clear. This story is definitely not awful. I've seen awful, and I wish I hadn't. But (and this is just my opinion, not an objective statement), it's not great, or even good. Better than a lot of OC insert stories I've seen, but as a story amongst many it's about average at best.
4527679 Well, if you don't like it, I don't blame you. There are at least twenty others who don't. Constructive comments, hate comments, stuff like that. People get them all the time.
Sure, you pointed out mistakes, but you also say how you didn't like this story. Constructive as well as a critic. People can like and dislike what they want. If you don't want to see what the rest of the story has to offer, than that's your choice.
Lack of crossover tag and couldn't read it all just characters were way to OOC and that random change from uhh semi serious narration to totally random
4813633 A lot of people are confused by this fic. Although, I have a tendency to do that.
It all makes sense if you think really hard about it. When the sequel comes out, I think he'll get even more dislikes on this story than before.
4813772 Because I'm sick and twisted, and I wasn't that good at writing back when I wrote this.
5539218 This story is one of my older ones. I know that now, but I kept forgetting back then.
Where can "The Rise of Twilight" be found?
5665970 Unfortunately, the story hasn't been written yet. I continuously tell myself to get to writing it, but I never do and instead bang my head against a wall to try and null the pain.
I think I'll make a blog post asking some of my followers/people who favorite this story if they want to see the next story soon. It's been getting many... MANY new favorites and likes but I don't know why. I haven't blogged or even talked about this story in about 3 months.
5683812 The "Crossover" part of the story is something I didn't include until after I realized I made it one.
It's a crossover with Doctor Who. The Doctor show up in a later chapter and kinda makes everything more complicated.
5742759 Yeah... I don't like this story much either. And I wrote it.
Hopefully, if you ever make it that far, the sequel will be better.
Wibbly-Wobbly...
Timey-Wimey...
Fucking time travel...
Awesome, yet fucking annoying to follow... I mean time travel is cool and all, but it can get very convoluted, very fast.
Fucking time travel...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5953226 Yeah, this story is not one of my favorites to remember...
5953246 Time travel is easy to follow in an episodic basis like Dr Who, but when it is a full length story, it tends to create way too many damn plot threads to follow without a notepad and an associates degree in temporal physics (acquired from an extranet holodisk class 100 years in the future).
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6349796 That's cool! I do hate how I made it all confuing to most though, and I do believe I could have done a lot better at it.
6586879 Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey.
Thanks for spamming my notifications.
6665679 That makes little sense to me.
7155664 Hmm. Well, I don't really remember much about this story and what specifically I wrote. Its been a long time and I never went through to try and fix everything I made wrong with it.
The story was always interesting at first, even to me. But than I just kept adding in random elements for no purpose, making it more confusing than before and ultimately, I even came to dislike the story myself, even as the writer. I ultimately rushed the ending because it was originally for a contest that I probably shouldn't have entered anyway.
If you do like the story and can get past those "elements" that made it more confusing, than thanks for finding an enjoyment for something I wrote. I've said it many, many times on different occasions, but I plan on making the second story in the series (if I ever get around to it again) even better than this one, trying to exclude those "elements" that made this one confusing beyond anything else.
7381098 Hence the paradox.
8102468 *shrug* Because politics or something.