Back in last November, the battery died in my (3 year old) Obama phone
The company wouldn't give me a free new one
(one per lifetime per customer is their rule)

So, I did what any sensible person would do. I got a new company.
They sent me a new phone in NOVEMBER
Come January 1, they cancelled my service.

Why? I scrambled around for awhile on the Internet & found out
"Your phone is noncompliant with our new software"

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Kirk Douglas · Age 103 years old
Dec 09, 1916 - Feb 05, 2020

John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy (May 29, 1917)
35th president of the USA. First President born in the 20th century

18th Amendment ratified (January 29, 1919)
legal basis for Prohibition

Treaty of Versailles (June 28, 1919)
Formal end of WWI

World series scandal (October 1-8, 1919)
"Say it ain't so, Joe!"

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Q How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A None. He just declares darkness to be the industry standard
Q How many third party Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A The world may never know
Q How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Only one. They're very efficient & not very funny
Q How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

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My cell phone is over 3 years old. The battery is flat out not holding a charge. Time for a new one.
Applying on line for an Obama phone, I was (eventually) given a number to call
My Options
Safelink will send me a replacement phone for free
HOWEVER
1) I will have to wait for them to mail me a box
2) Then I will have to mail them my old phone and wait a week for a new phone
If I had been smart, I would have borrowed a roommate's phone & told them mine was lost

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A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing,
muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

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Hey, I can remember when
airlines were regulated -and guns weren’t
pot smokers were jailed for years -and drunk drivers weren’t

After school cartoons on broadcast TV
Partially a demographic shift -fewer kids & smaller part of population, partially competition from kid channels on cable
Block Buster Video Store (and VCRs)

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I tell this because, based on my ISP's reactions, in the entire history of the world, no one has ever gone through an ordeal like this & lived to tell the tale.

I live in an old house that the landlord subdivided into apartments. He did not number them. (According to one of my roommates, this is for tax reasons -it's cheaper) There are 2 buildings on the lot and they both have the same address. (The mailman leaves all the mail at the front building & we sort it out)

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IDK how to post pictures, so here is a link (I think)
https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&id=F33073104E1169AFCC4AB6A8F5E4D462C80428FA&thid=OIP.sgJLSI8IN2FyID3yzRlhwAHaD4&mediaurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.earthlymission.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F07%2Fgoogle-campus-dinosaur-attack-flamingos-fb.jpg&exph=628&expw=1200&q=dinosaur+skeleton+with+lawn+flamingos&selectedindex=1&ajaxhist=0&vt=0&eim=0,1,2,6[url]https://www.bing.com/images/detail/search?

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Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: All that they said was Bach, Bach, Bach

Have you heard of a new band called 1023MB? No?
Not surprising -- they haven't had any gigs yet.

I would make a chemistry joke, but...
All the good ones argon.

How do you tell the difference between a teacher and a chemist?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

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