I tried doing a review today, I really did. THIS bested me. Someone did it. Someone actually managed to fucking baffle me into submission. It's long, it's boring, it's horribly written, it's more convoluted then lock picking in Oblivion and it made me want to give up logic.

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Ladies and gentlemen, today I bring you the disaster that is this fanfiction. Well, every piece of fan fiction that I review is usually a fucking disaster but this one, well this one is horrible as well but for a different reason. Some fanfictions are bad because we don't know what the fuck is going on, mainly because the writer has jack shit worth of a talent. Others are bad because they feature some stupid fucking ass-backwards alicorn story that makes me want to kick the author with a chain

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...about a OOC Darth Vader fucking and OOC Harry Potter...

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2012/07/fan_fiction_friday_darth_vader_and_harry_potter_in.php

What

Hey buddy, let me ask ya something? How stupid are you? Exactly how little brain do you have in that useless dome on your shoulders? I mean, there's just no way you're not suffering from some form of mental retardation. You should get it checked out. This site has an admirable number of Pink Floyd fans and yet you decide to write a fan fic with the name of their best-selling album. That fact is reason alone for me to kill you using nothing but a jar of mayo and the Pink Floyd discovery boxset.

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Alright, I'm making this post so that I can inform you of what I'm going to be doing in the next couple of weeks. All of my stories lay neglected for far too long and I thought that I should finally start things up again. Even though I've been back from vacation for some time now, I am still not in Atlanta. As a matter of fact, I a halfway across the world, resting and writing for a magazine.

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You know,if I am personally not mistaken,each and every member of the entire human race on this very planet known as Earth could possibly have a secret or two that he or she would rather keep from that person's family and friends because of the total embarressment (sic) that he or she would receive if that secret gets leaked out somehow

Kill me

Please

Can you expelliarmus on your own brain?

No?

*sigh* Vodka and Xanax it is

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GOOD GOD DAMN FUCKIN HORSEDICKS I BETTER GET THIS REVIEW AS QUICKLY OVER AS THIS STORY GOD DAMN I AM ON A LOT OF COCAINE RIGHT NOW AND THERE IS NO STOPPING ME NOW THEN YOU RUSHED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BUT SINCE I AM ON SO MUCH OF THE OLDIE GOODIE WHITE STUFF I CAN TOLERATE THAT TO SOME EXTENT EXCEPT THAT YOU BUTCHERED THE FUCKIN' SHIT OUT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BUT THEN AGAIN I AM GAY FOR THAT GUY FUCKING ENGLISH HE MAKES ME SO HARD BUT IS HE EVEN MALE OH FUCK IT HE'S A LANGUAGE

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I sit in the warm glow of my work room, my Warhammer army smiling upon me as I complete the latest chapter of one of my stories. My eyes burn from the fatigue of using a computer for 12 hours straight. I wonder what time it is. My eyes sway towards the slowly ticking clock above my desk. It's just past three. Guessed so. With a quick swill of coffee I wash the headache away and return to my work. What predicament should I put Twilight in next? A voice in my head tells me to give up, that I'm

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Teacups
porcelain beauties,
Except the ones that are blue
No one likes blue teacups

We drink and we drink
Like a bunch of hoses
The rubber hoses stir
We have no eyes,
Therefore we are deaf

I hand you a teacup
It's rainobw colored
The excitement grows
Your hand runs across it,
Gently

You begin to feel
Breakable
Container-shaped
Filled
The essence of being a teacup
It is you
and you

you are it
you are the teacup
you hold tea
No more pain, no tears
just sweet tea

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