I want my MUFFINS!

by xXQw3rtyXx

Good Day Muffins!

*Ding*

Derpy opened the flap of his 3 foot by 2 foot box. The bell nearly hit her this time, but she learned that the bell was placed right above her head, kinda.

"Hello Derpy!" The second mailmare dropped off a box besides her currnet one, even larger than the one she was living him.

"Eh?" Derpy read the card, "Made in Trottingham." "Eh?" Derpy said again. She opened the extremely large box, to find herself immediantly indulged in dozens apon dozens of muffins. First reaction, "Eh?"

She took the box, and placed it in a hole under a boulder. The boulder hasn't been touched in centuries. A legend states that Chrysalis was born there.

It had just struck dawn. Shafts of light were just peaking over the hills, and then it stopped.

"Eh?"

For one of the only times in her life, her eyes alined, and stared where the sun should have been. Derpy already knew something was wrong, and a second later, she was halfway to Canterlot.

Derpy burst into the door, and ran straight into Luna. "Sorry Luna!" She quickly said, and flew off. "Okaay? Hi?" Luna said, puzzled.

Derpy knew exactly where Celestia would be. She raced up onto the balcony, where Celestia was standing. "Give it back, give it back!" Celestia was yelling down the side of the balcony. Derpy looked over Celestia's shoulder, and saw that a squirrel had ahold of her beloved custom P-Box 720 MOD F29 ZX controller. Luna had given it to her as a birthday present. What Derpy was confused with is; how is the squirrel hanging onto the side?

"Excuse me Celestia! But what happened to the sun?" Derpy asked. This startled the princess, and she herself nearly fell off the balcony, tripping, thus losing hold of the controller, and the squirrel and the controller plummetted 70 feet, and were crushed by gravity. "Awww! That controller cost my sister... umm... actually, the shopkeeper gave it to her for free," Celestia groaned, "oh hi Derpy, I'm having a bad day." Celestia lie down. "What day? Day hasn't even started yet," Derpy stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I guess you're right, Derpy," Celestia stood up, and finished raising the sun. Derpy watched in awe as the princess of all beings rose up on her hind legs, and seemed like she was taller than the tallest oak tree in the Everfree Forest.

After she was finished, she merely left out the door, "Goodbye, Derpy, please do well!" "Eh?" Derpy muttered yet once again. She took one step forward, and tripped on a rainbow football just lying around. She barreled over, and kept rolling. She rolled to the staircase, and began tumbling down it, and passed Luna, "Derpy? You need some help?" Derpy just kept on rolling. She hit the bottom floor, got up, and said, "Eh?" By now, she had a bruise on her upper forehead, and right hind leg. She had also managed to scratch herself on a pillow. She licked the scratch, knowing from previous knowledge that saliva's acid can help heal an open wound. The scratch started to burn, and sizzle. Derp just merely had a poker face and said, "Eh?"

She flew on home, ran into several trees, a rock, and many MANY bushes. She even found Doc Whooves hiding in a bush, and they had some, "fun". She also managed to run into Carrot Top, and also had some "fun" with her. You could say that today was Derpy's very, VERY, lucky day.

She got back to the box she lived in, way out in the outlands, slightly beyond the borders of PonyVille. No one ever came here, atleast not much. Derpy once saw Trixie running around, jabbing a spear at no apparent target, and even stifled a laugh when she accidentally stabbed herself in the hoof. There was a lot of cussing that day.

Derpy switched the radio to her favorite channel. The song was playing, her favorite, "There was a time, when I looked into my father's eyes. In a happy home, I was the king I had a golden throne, throne. Those days are gone, now the memories on the wall. I still hear the sounds, from the places where I was born. Up on a hill across a blue lake, where I had my first heartbreak, I still remem--" "Eh?" Derpy said again. Then the music started again as suddenly as it stopped. She saw a shadow, the shape of a pegasus, fly over her. She looked up, but didn't see anything.

Suddenly remembering about her muffins, Derpy kicked over a rock that was in her way, hurt her hoof, and dashed over to the boulder. She pushed it aside like it was the last thing she was ever going to push over. Her excitment, her hunger, her happiness and joy, vanished when she saw the the muffins were gone. First reaction, "Eh?" Second reaction, "THE CURSE IS TRUE!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!" Of course, she was screaming to no one, and there wasn't even anypony nearby.

She pushed herself into the hole where she kept her muffins, searched around, looking for anywhere they might have slid. She found a single muffin, a single, whole wheat, low sugar, raisin muffin. She downed it immediantly, nearly choking to death. Third reaction, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Her joy turned to grief, her grief turned to sadness, her sadness turned to vengeance, her vengeance turned to rage. A scream louder and higher pitched than anypony has every heard, rocked Equestria. All the way up to Fillydelphia heard it. Twilight was in the middle of a chemistry project, and the test tubes broke, and her library litterally exploded. Rainbow Dash was watching the latest on EFL; Equestria Football Leage, and the TV screen broke, making her drop the muffins she was eating. Rarity's sewing machine went wild, and plunged deep into her hoof several times. The third loudest and high pitched scream occured now, also. Applejack attempted to buck an apple tree, missed, and planted her feet right into Big Mac's confused face. Fluttershy was massaging a bear, accidentally got her leg stuck into the bears mouth, and the bear accidentally closed the mouth. The second largest scream now happened. Pinkie Pie was in the middle of writing poetry, and she broke her quill. Scratch the previous one, this was the second loudest scream. Colgate was in the middle of making a new toothpaste, and got the predeveloped serum on her face. Her mane was burning off now. She screamed the fourth loudest scream in existance. Celestia wondered what was going on, and decided to scream with them. Her scream was gorgeous, the sound of an opera singer. All the screaming died down, except one; Derpy's. She kept on screaming, and a rock fell onto Celestia's head, and she blacked out. It was a big rock, about the size of a sweet potato. Vinyl was making some music, and accidentally misvamped a piece of music. She threw down the disc, and kicked the bass amp. She broke her hoof. Derpy, had injured nine ponies in less than half a second, kinda.

This is why, you don't take her muffins. Dagnabbit!

Author's Note:

Lawl, "fun" XD
If you know what I mean <:3

YUS, YUS, I KNOWZ, Pinkie Pie's hobby in this story is poetry. LAWLAWL.

Comments

[TDOH]

lol, well played

[PoniesAreBrilliant]

When I first saw this story I though I was in for a hilarious treat, but now that I've got through the first 2 sentences I can truly say that I'm rightfully confused. The idea for the story was really good "Rainbow steals muffins, Derpy goes insane. Hilarious", but no. This is a really funny idea, but with the way that it's written right now I can't get myself to read 50 words, much less 1,200. I suggest you read your story whilst saying everything out loud. It'll help you notice all the awkward wording, and confusing sentence structure.

That's about all I have to say. Good luck with the story!

[DetectivePingles]

Needs a proofreader. Hey, I'M a proofreader! I'd like to offer you my services good sir!